FlowerGirly Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Really curious about this..I don't have any children and have always preferred not to date a man with children. I do want kids, but my own. I do know a few men that put up with a lot of drama that stems from dating women with kids, and more than one father. Just wondering what the appeal is..ESPECIALLY if you don't have kids yourself.
Woggle Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Some men have a knight in shining armor complex and put up with a whole lot of crap because they feel they can love a woman into emotional health. Either that or these women are hot.
TigerCub Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Not a guy, but I have to say from all of my guy friends - none of them go out hoping to get with a woman with children. The guys you're talking about probably just happened to fall for someone that may be great, just happens to come with kids and extra baggage - but they decided its worth giving it a chance. From my guy friend experience, I don't think there is a great appeal for women with kids. but my guy friends don't represent the entire male population
fishtaco Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I hope people know I was just making a joke. Having kids is not a positive thing generally. It makes the relationship more complicated, plus as the boyfriend, I'll get less time, and rightly so, her kids should come first. Younger kids, you run into scheduling issues. Want to go out for a romantic dinner & dancing? Plan for baby sitters. Older kids, there's more risk that you may not get along with them, since they may have stronger personalities and probably their own perspectives than younger kids. Even adult kids. As I'm getting older, I'll be venturing into that zone soon. Sometimes they hold powers over their parents. If they don't like you, they may meddle with the relationship. I do date women with children. I'm in my late 30's. Many women I date are divorced with kids. So it's not a deal breaker, but it's certainly not a positive thing.
Author FlowerGirly Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 I hope people know I was just making a joke. Having kids is not a positive thing generally. It makes the relationship more complicated, plus as the boyfriend, I'll get less time, and rightly so, her kids should come first. Younger kids, you run into scheduling issues. Want to go out for a romantic dinner & dancing? Plan for baby sitters. Older kids, there's more risk that you may not get along with them, since they may have stronger personalities and probably their own perspectives than younger kids. Even adult kids. As I'm getting older, I'll be venturing into that zone soon. Sometimes they hold powers over their parents. If they don't like you, they may meddle with the relationship. I do date women with children. I'm in my late 30's. Many women I date are divorced with kids. So it's not a deal breaker, but it's certainly not a positive thing. I know plenty of great women that don't have kids and can't find a good guy. Yet I know several single moms that have boyfriends. I don't get it.
fishtaco Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I know plenty of great women that don't have kids and can't find a good guy. Yet I know several single moms that have boyfriends. I don't get it. It has to do with more than just having kids. It's one consideration that could potentially make things difficult, but it's not like good kids don't exist. Hence I don't consider that a deal breaker. As for single mom's with boyfriend and women with no kids without, that could be due to a number of things. For one thing, I've had women with no kids turn me down, but single moms that would gladly date me. Guess who I'm going to end up in a relationship with? Not saying I'm a good guy, but I'd say it has more to do with the decisions that they make. Maybe the women without kids are more choosy. And they have every right to be that way. But when you do something, when you make a decision, you should be aware of the consequences.
Anxiety Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 When I was in my 20's, I didn't want any women that had kids. I didn't want the baggage. When I got older I didn't care anymore, but now I want someone with no kids. I like kids but with a woman that has a child there will always be another man in the relationship.
Lucky_One Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I just asked my H (I am divorced, with a high school aged son; he was in grade school when we met). He said that he thought I was a fantastic woman when he met me, thought I was a fantastic mother when he met my son, and thought my son was a fantastic man in the making. He has no children of his own, and was getting to an age where he didn't really want to have any of his own, although he always wanted them badly (his first wife did not want children). He says (and I believe) that he loves "our" son nearly as much as he would if he had contributed the DNA.
carhill Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Being a parent is a tough job, even more so for a single parent. Watching a mother face those responsibilities and shine is quite a turn-on, both as potential love interest and as a potential life partner. A woman who can 'handle things' is sexy. EOS
Jazzari Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 When I was in my 20's, I didn't want any women that had kids. I didn't want the baggage. When I got older I didn't care anymore, but now I want someone with no kids. I like kids but with a woman that has a child there will always be another man in the relationship.That isn't always the case. My son was 3 years old when I met my 2nd husband. We married and he adopted him at age 8 (we'd been married 2 years at that point). My first husband was rarely around and volunteered to give up his parental rights. My husband wanted a family and loved kids, but didn't want to have any of his own. And he considered getting a son without having to go through the baby stage a huge plus. So it worked out perfectly for him. I'm currently dating a man with two teenagers. They do complicate things since I obviously can't stay the night when they are with him. But that's the only negative thing I can think of. I like them both alot and very much enjoy having them around.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Really curious about this..I don't have any children and have always preferred not to date a man with children. I do want kids, but my own. I do know a few men that put up with a lot of drama that stems from dating women with kids, and more than one father. Just wondering what the appeal is..ESPECIALLY if you don't have kids yourself. Ugh... I hear that and just think of xBF's that just never... ever go away. My cousin dates single moms because he believes they are easier to get sex from and don't get too clingy. That way he can date 2-3 at a time. My friend dates single moms because he wants to be a knight in shining armor. Pick your reason... everyone who does it has a different one.
Richard Friedman Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 These guys date the women despite the children. Normally the women would be out of their league, which is why the men are willing to put up with a lot of nonsense.
Disillusioned Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I'd never date a woman who had kids. Mostly because becoming a parent means your brain cells in charge of logic die... sort of like the way alcohol kills the brain cells that feel guilt. Besides, if I liked the kids, I'd probably turn them into juvenile delinquents by giving them BB guns and go-karts. Those things bring mothers running with arms upraised every time.
taiko Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Each one was the best I could do at that moment in time. Would I have preferred a rich virgin Miss America who wanted to lose her virginity that very night? Yes, but that opportunity never presented itself or if it did I did not have the confidence to step up and take advantage of it.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Really curious about this..I don't have any children and have always preferred not to date a man with children. I do want kids, but my own. I do know a few men that put up with a lot of drama that stems from dating women with kids, and more than one father. Just wondering what the appeal is..ESPECIALLY if you don't have kids yourself. There is no "appeal". Some guys are desperate and take whatever they can get. However, given the choice, no man would prefer a woman with kids.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I know plenty of great women that don't have kids and can't find a good guy. Yet I know several single moms that have boyfriends. I don't get it. Either these women without kids that you speak of are, from a man's standpoint, not quite as great as you make them sound, or they are too passive and/or have poor social skills. As I said, all else being equal, no man would prefer a woman with kids to one without.
Jazzari Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 There is no "appeal". Some guys are desperate and take whatever they can get. However, given the choice, no man would prefer a woman with kids. You are dead wrong on that one. Not every man holds the same opinion as you do. I understand people giving their opinion. But I'm always amazed when people feel they can give an opinion for their entire gender. The appeal: 1. They may not be able to have children of their own. 2. The biological father is not around. 3. They want and love the child(ren) There's no drama. No ex to contend with. No resentment from the kids. Just a loving family. Why is that so hard to understand?
sally4sara Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I use to wonder why my husband wanted a relationship with me, a single mother 6 years older than he, when his previous GF, 9 years younger than myself with no kids, was on him to get back together. She looked like a young Julia Roberts, knew all his friends, and probably spent more on him than he spent on her. Then I got to know her a bit. Other than the pluses I initially recognized she had, she was awful in many other ways. I use to wonder why he wanted me when most of his exes were still around, younger, childless and quite attractive. I got to know many of them and they were cool people who are now my friends too. Usually I didn't wonder about these kind of things because I'd never had a problem after having my son with having guys interested in dating me. I think I only wondered about it with him due to the age difference and him remaining in regular contact with exes. But I stopped worrying about it when he seemed quite content being with me for all the reasons other guys wanted to be with me before him. I'm fun to be around. I'm smart and resourceful. I'm considerate; plans made are plans kept. I'm pretty and take care of myself. I'm responsible without being boring. I believe the needs of others are equal to my own. I don't put up with stupid drama **** and I don't pull stupid drama ****. I'm not a sloppy party girl; I know my consumption limits and stay within them. Its completely reasonable for someone to not want to be with someone who has kids. Its too important a role to begrudgingly step into. If you really don't like the idea, you're the worst kind of person to step into that role. Both the parent and the kid(s) are better off if you stay out of the mix.
taiko Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 You are dead wrong on that one. Not every man holds the same opinion as you do. I understand people giving their opinion. But I'm always amazed when people feel they can give an opinion for their entire gender. The appeal: 1. They may not be able to have children of their own. 2. The biological father is not around. 3. They want and love the child(ren) There's no drama. No ex to contend with. No resentment from the kids. Just a loving family. Why is that so hard to understand? Once upon a time single mother meant widow if she was of a socially acceptable class to marry. Thus there was no ex drama to deal with. Today it means there is ex drama to deal with. Believing that there are large numbers of men around who would prefer that is a fantasy along the lines of men's fantasy of the 72 virgins. Most of the time you get a man who has settled on the single mom because at that time she was the best he could do.
sally4sara Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Once upon a time single mother meant widow if she was of a socially acceptable class to marry. Thus there was no ex drama to deal with. Today it means there is ex drama to deal with. Believing that there are large numbers of men around who would prefer that is a fantasy along the lines of men's fantasy of the 72 virgins. Most of the time you get a man who has settled on the single mom because at that time she was the best he could do. Isn't ANY person someone becomes emotionally and legally committed to, childless or not, "the best they can do"? I would hope so anyway. Otherwise why be with them at all? I have no problem with the concept that I'm the best my husband can do. Whatever the best you can do is, its the best you can do. Why that has to be a negative - I'm not sure.
Jazzari Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Once upon a time single mother meant widow if she was of a socially acceptable class to marry. Thus there was no ex drama to deal with. Today it means there is ex drama to deal with. Believing that there are large numbers of men around who would prefer that is a fantasy along the lines of men's fantasy of the 72 virgins. Most of the time you get a man who has settled on the single mom because at that time she was the best he could do. I never said there were LARGE numbers of men around who feel that way. I don't honestly know the number. However, the statement that there are NO men around who feel that way is flat wrong. I don't know how many women have ex's hanging around, but the number of men who abandon their families and have no interest in their children is not insignificant. And there are still widows around. I don't understand the attitudes of this forum sometimes. It's a dating forum, but the lack of a belief in love is puzzling. Why is it so hard to believe that a high quality (and in demand) man can fall in love with an equally high quality and in demand woman who just happens to have a child? And both be freaking thrilled to find each other? Trust me, it happens. Why don't people believe in love? Both given and returned.
sally4sara Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I never said there were LARGE numbers of men around who feel that way. I don't honestly know the number. However, the statement that there are NO men around who feel that way is flat wrong. I don't know how many women have ex's hanging around, but the number of men who abandon their families and have no interest in their children is not insignificant. And there are still widows around. I don't understand the attitudes of this forum sometimes. It's a dating forum, but the lack of a belief in love is puzzling. Why is it so hard to believe that a high quality (and in demand) man can fall in love with an equally high quality and in demand woman who just happens to have a child? And both be freaking thrilled to find each other? Trust me, it happens. Why don't people believe in love? Both given and returned. Its similar to those religious people who can't comfortably believe in their own faith if there are people around who don't believe the same. I believe the slang term for these people is "haters". If some people need to think of single parents as low totem to abstain from getting in the mix with one, more is the better; they won't be damaging to those people or children they believe to be beneath them. I for one would never advise someone with their mindset to date a single parent as I would not have found value in them as a partner myself.
taiko Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I see a topic asking what the appeal is to men, not a man. To men there is no appeal. It is just a step up from getting an illegal alien in a massage parlor for 30 minutes. It is a point most are willing to settle on.
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