tela1425 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 What do you guys think is worse, being dumped because the person fell "out of love" with you, or because you messed up or got too comfortable. In my case, the girl was still very much in love with me, but got sick of me not making her feel more important in my life. She gave me multiple warnings, I just was too narrow minded to take them seriously. Although I have never had someone tell me they didn't love me anymore, I think that screwing up is worse. I feel regret and remorse everyday, because I know through my own immaturity, I lost a very special person in my life. So what do you guys think?
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I think, who cares which is worse? There is no prize for having the worst breakup. Deal with what's in front of you instead of wondering what might have been.
usabup Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 What do you guys think is worse, being dumped because the person fell "out of love" with you, or because you messed up or got too comfortable. In my case, the girl was still very much in love with me, but got sick of me not making her feel more important in my life. She gave me multiple warnings, I just was too narrow minded to take them seriously. Although I have never had someone tell me they didn't love me anymore, I think that screwing up is worse. I feel regret and remorse everyday, because I know through my own immaturity, I lost a very special person in my life. So what do you guys think? I agree with you 100% that losing someone because you made mistakes does feel worse. Knowing that you could of done things differently makes it so much harder to move on. I had a women who loved me to death and I lost her due to my stupidity. I think when a women really loves you and you mess up or hurt her, its impossible to get her back. The more she loved you, the worse her pain is going to feel and the more anger she will hold for you. She will remember that pain and never let herself get put back into that position.
Fedor Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Someone telling me they dont love me anymore has hit harder. My ex gf told me she's not in love with me but now she wants me back. I'm sorry but you cant throw that phrase around like that. It really hurts.
collegeguy_24 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 To me what hurts is most is being told they don't love me anymore. My last ex told me everyday, including the day before she dumped me that she loved me. Then as time went on she told me she didn't love me anymore. I gave my all for that relationship, she knew I had fallen for her and I was wary of opening up after my first ex cheated on me. Being told they don't love you anymore after opening yourselfs to them is a major blow, one I haven't even recovered from and I know several others on this board haven't recovered from.
Author tela1425 Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 I agree with you 100% that losing someone because you made mistakes does feel worse. Knowing that you could of done things differently makes it so much harder to move on. I had a women who loved me to death and I lost her due to my stupidity. I think when a women really loves you and you mess up or hurt her, its impossible to get her back. The more she loved you, the worse her pain is going to feel and the more anger she will hold for you. She will remember that pain and never let herself get put back into that position. I agree with you man. I am in the same boat. Its like you know they love you. And they are basically forcing themselves to move on because we messed up. Honestly I loved her to death and didn't mean to do it on purpose. Just one of those things that happens when you're young dumb and a man, haha. But, yeah its rough. I could feel her anger when we talked post breakup and I tried for a second chance. She said there's a possibility one day. But, I will believe it when I see it. Guess all we can do is live and learn.
GreenPolicy Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I think it's much worse to believe that you sabotaged the relationship and screwed up a good thing. If you treated your ex well and loved them to the best of your ability, and that wasn't good enough for them and they couldn't appreciate what you brought to the table, then at least you can't beat yourself up for mistakes you made and be filled with deep regrets. Now of course nobody is perfect in a relationship. You're not always going to say the right thing, sometimes you will get on your partner's nerves and do annoying things. I think we all make mistakes at the margins, but that's ordinary relationship stuff. But you know your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't going to dump you because one night you forgot to run the dishwasher, or you tracked mud onto the carpet from your dirty shoes or something mundane like that. But there are issues and there are dealbreakers. While it really hurts and sucks when you do your best in spite of your own personal foibles, and they kick you to the curb anyways, you will eventually be at peace once you get past the hurt and pain of the breakup. I think it is much worse to have to face up to the fact that you neglected your ex and repeatedly failed to give them what they want and need in a relationship.
emmadee91 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 how about BOTH? my bf-turned-ex-turned-bf who just became my ex again yesterday told me that he felt too dejected and frustrated and not good enough that he lost his feelings for me and insisted they would never ever return. so.... double whammy. needless to say, i feel like ****.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Sounds like two sides of the same coin. The outcome is the same and it has to hurt to be jettisoned by someone you still care for. I got sorta dumped I guess once in an important relationship. We parted amicably and she just "moved out" to live with "her people" (us being inter-racial). Our relationship was never planned out in the first place and we just got involved over sheer attraction to each other. It probably should never have happened because it had a hopeless future but it did and lasted a few years. She had some axes to grind against me and I had some faults that I can admit. I just felt very sad for quite a while that she was gone. I eventually picked myself up and remade myself into a hunk. I couldn't really believe the renaissance I lived after recovering from that relationship and rebuilding myself. Life holds many great rewards if we don't give up and try to take lessons along the way to heart. Good luck.
scoobysnacks Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I think getting comfortable is the worst way to have the relationship fall out on you, simply because there is obviously still love between the two parties, but things which so easily could have been changed were the ultimate deciding factor. I just wish my ex had been better at verbalising how she felt, so I could be aware that things weren't going well for her
Author tela1425 Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 I think getting comfortable is the worst way to have the relationship fall out on you, simply because there is obviously still love between the two parties, but things which so easily could have been changed were the ultimate deciding factor. I just wish my ex had been better at verbalising how she felt, so I could be aware that things weren't going well for her I know the feeling scoobie. My ex vocalized it, but in a passive agressive way, where we would get in a small argument about it, then things would go back to normal and be "fine". So, it just built up unbeknownst to me. Especially because the loving words and intimacy were there until the end. Then one small conflict and she ended it all. I guess we could chalk it up to immaturity on both sides. But it doesn't stop me from feeling regret and sadness over it. But with everyday it gets better. So, hang in there.
Badenov Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 There's no way to fix falling out of love. But if you screwed up, all you can do is say you're sorry, that now you "get it", & ask for another chance. If they don't give it to you, that's NOT your fault.
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