bkboy Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 ...if, after three months of NC I still feel the urge to explain to some one who treated my like s*** how bad she makes me feel? More importantly, how do I get her out of my system???
smudge21 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 It means she's still very much in your head and heart. Nothing to worry about, just stay NC and carry on as you were. You'll see around here that people take anything from a few months to a few years to get over someone. I think, like me, you'd love to get that bit of closure - sit her down and tell her everything, but in truth, that would only set you back on the healing route. The fact is, if she truly treated you so badly, then clearly she's not going to care what you have to say. So don't waste your energy. Save it for someone who is worthy of you...
Sugarkane Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I feel the same too, but have been in NC much longer. What do we do?
Author bkboy Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 I guess you're right, and thank you. I suppose I'd expected to be over it by now - especially as it was an undeniably toxic situation. And, like you said, there's always the want of closure, which is largely a myth. I guess NC is the only way out.
WTRanger Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 It's your Ego, and not your personal ego, I mean the big one we all lug around. The annoying Ego that tells us we need to justify ourselves and always have the last word. That's all this is. You want them to feel as bad as you do, you want them to know exactly how much pain they caused. Truth is, that's a losing battle. You might as well try to swim up a waterfall. Instead, work towards acceptance of the situation. It doesn't mean that you have to forgive them outright for what they did but you need to be at peace with it. It doesn't let them off the hook for treating you that way, but you accept that what happened was where you life path decided to take you, and that some people are just jerks. Take this experience as a tool for learning rather than a constant source of pain. Once you learn to silence that annoying Ego, you start to see the path to glorious indifference.
Author bkboy Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Sugarkane - I guess it's like Smudge says, would our exes really care all that much if we explained how bad they were to us? It would just bring back all the bad feelings that pushed us away to begin. It sucks, but NC is the only viable option.
Author bkboy Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Amen to WTFRanger. I think you've perfectly put into words what I've been experiencing. I wish I was indifferent, but there is still a bit of anger and resentment inside - and, when combined with an Ego that won't fully accept the reality of things, breaking NC is just a trainwreck waiting to happen. Thanks for your insights.
WTRanger Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 The key to realize that this isn't a quick fix. It's a full life change, but when you do find it you will see that any future break up is hard but you tend to accept things a bit more. Break ups will never be easy, but acceptance is. Just remember, that the Universe always progresses forward, never stands still and never goes backwards. Things happen for a reason, and always for good. You just sometimes can't see the reason, but one day you'll have the "Ah ha!" moment. It's like when you where a child and your parents wanted to clean out your toy box. There's a whole pile of toys that you never play with, and may even resent getting that knock-off brand GI Joe known as Soldier Man. But oh holy Hell if your mom wants to sell that thing at the garage sale you'll throw one hell of a fit. Why? Possessive Ego.
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