icetea Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Hi all, I am a mother of a 18 month old baby, and my husband left us on the 22nd of March 2011. He told me the reasons was financial as well as that he needed space to deal with everything on his plate. Since, he moved out he has been having many parties at his place, and when I ask him why does he not spend time with his baby rather than having parties, he says that he can relax with his friends and not with us. I asked him if he wanted to move back, and he said "yes", when I ask him "when" he says he still wants to do a few things in his business and fix his condo first (always exuses). In the meantime he set up a office in his condo and works from there. He rarely calls to ask how his baby is doing. He is 45 years old, I am racking my brain to understand why he changed this much, maybe it is a mid-life crisis, or maybe I thought I knew him, but never did, we are married for 4 years. I think he wants best of both worlds, he wants to party and live the life of a single man, but also wants a family. I am getting to a point where I am loosing respect for him, and also not too sure I want him back. But I am also thinking of the future of our baby. Don't know anymore......would appreciate you guys's advice...and please don't hold anything back...I really need someones honesty...
robf1971 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I think men who abandon their wife and baby like that should be thrown in jail. What a loser.
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Sounds like you need a trip to divorce court. He obviously doesn't give two short craps about you. If he had any respect for you or your marriage then he would not have treated you like a piece of dog poo. Lawyer up and go thermonuclear on his ass.
Mauschen Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I agree with the last 2 posters. You husband is disrespectful to you and is a horrible father. Get the book Child Custody A to Z by Guy White, read it, document, and then file for divorce. Your ex is not likely going to want to pay child support, and someone as selfish as he is might make life hard for you if you ask for sole custody. Keep a calendar - document when you have the child and when/if he sees the child. Document his parties and what goes on there. Is he doing drugs? Drinking a lot? Does he speak to you nicely? If not, record your phone calls with him (check your state's laws on this - in some states it is not legal). Record conversations with him regarding your child - get him on tape saying he doesn't want to see him or that the child is just too much work for him. I know you are having a hard time with all of this, and I know it is hard to stand up for yourself and your child against someone you still love. Try to be strong and do what is right for you and your child. Your husband does not deserve your respect with what he is doing. He is certainly old enough to know what is right and what is wrong.
Surfer203 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Sounds like a mid life crisis.. but who knows. Either way, he abandoned his wife and baby - you deserve much better than that. Best of luck.
Author icetea Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Hi all, thank you so much for your advice. My Mom also told me to record our conversations, and I am going to do just that. Wrt me loving him, I am so confused about my own feelings, yes, maybe I still do love him, but is it because I want our family to stay together, and give our baby a Dad that is around, or No, he hurt me so much, and I am so disapointed in my own judgement of his character. I am still financially dependent on him, he still gives met money and pays my rent, but I know once I have a job it will all change, maybe I need to get my independence back. He is the one who told me to stop working after I fell pregnant, and now he blames me for it. Does anyone know the impact a divorce has on a 18 month old baby?
Mauschen Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I would go for the divorce, custody, child support, and alimony BEFORE you go back to work. You'll likely fare much better that way since you have no income currently. Once you have some income, you H will be ordered to pay you less. Divorce is hard on any child, but is much easier (generally) for younger children since they do not have any memories of their parents being together. My daughter (older child) has a lot of memories of our intact family, and my son (younger) has none. She often brings up the past when we all lived together. In the long run, it is most important for you to provide a stable, loving environment for your child. There are many very successful people raised by single mothers. Examples: Warrick Dun - Atlanta falcons running back Ricky Henderson - Baseball great who is said to keep pitchers up all night. Michael Phelps - Olympic Gold Medalist Alexander Haig Jr. former White House Chief of Staff and Secretary of State Barack Obama Bill Clinton Ed Bradley CBSTV news corrispondant and co-editor of 60 minutes Bill Cosby Tom Cruise Christina Aguilera Julia Roberts Demi Moore Alicia Keys Matt LeBlanc
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