fitandalertbrain Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Well, Ive been dating with this woman for about a year now. We had our honeymoon phase for about 5 months. After that things started going south. I need help because this relationship means a lot to me. She is constantly criticizing and judging me. I have told her that it bothers me when she does that and it also hurts me. When I tell her how I feel her response is either one or all of the following: I did not do anything. You are just imagining. I dont know what you are talking about. You should see what is wrong with you. You are arguing. I dont want to talk to you anymore. I will not allow you to verbally abuse me. When can we have entertainment? She then gets upset and leaves more like flees away. She does not acknowledge how I feel let alone take responsibility for her actions. She shows no remorse for her actions. When I stress what she did was wrong and ask her to apologize she says one or all of the following: Yeah call me an evil bitch. Listen I will not be abused by your arguing. So Im going to leave you here. Is this how you entertain yourself? These responses make the situation even worse. How could a loving woman turn into such unemphatic person? Im perplexed at her responses. I have threatened to leave the relationship but she says "I dont need anyone". She does not behave like this with her friends. She is so gentle and friendly with them. But with me she is the opposite. How do I best handle the situation and get her love back?
Author fitandalertbrain Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 If I had a son, I would not want such a relationship for him. But I just feel so attached to her for some reason. I dont know why I always have a desire to go back to her and say, I love you, I want to be with you only to hear nothing back from her. The helplessness is killing me.
zlatnapolja Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 She sounds wonderful... Your the only one putting effort into the relationship (sounds like it at least), which basically means your having a relationship by yourself, while giving a lot a your energy. Why not leave her and put the energy into yourself? This sounds like a person who will not ever see what she is doing by you (or anyone else) telling her, she will have to really realize it by expiriencing some consequences. So honoustly, leave her. Get over her. Is she honoustly like this ALL the time? wow she seems bittered. Good luck!
Bryanp Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Maybe you should ask yourself why you are attracted and love a woman who emotionally abuses you and treats you like dirt. She insults you and you come back running to her telling her you love her. This in turn breeds further disrespect and abuse from her. Why would a woman love and respect a man who allows himself to be treated like a doormat. Nobody and I mean nobody loves a doormat. Her actions indicate she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? When you really leave her she will probably come crawling back to you. Right now she disrespects you and you are disrespecting yourself. Is she really the only woman on this planet that you could be attracted to? Enough is enough. Move on!
orion1010 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Stay as far away from this woman as possible. If she's like this so early in the relationship, how far will she take things another 6 months, year, 2 years... Think about that.
sanskrit Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 You should see what is wrong with you. F her. Get free.
OldOnTheInside Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 This is simple enough. You have a problem with the relationship. You've told her this. She doesn't care. I personally see no way that this relationship would ever work out. I suggest that you find out why you are so attracted to her through professional counselling and personal introspection. Learn from your experiences in the past so you don't end up in the same pitfall in the future.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 She does not behave like this with her friends. She is so gentle and friendly with them. But with me she is the opposite. How do I best handle the situation and get her love back? She is very upset with you for something. This is how a woman who is very resentful treats a man she DOESN'T LOVE!! Get out before she dismantles your self esteem completely! Eventually she will get tired of this and leave you or just start cheating. I'm sorry to say this... but I've experienced it first hand. Nobody is going to respect you for staying and trying to make it work. It's just going to make you look like a worthless retard. Especially to her!
Trimmer Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Maybe you should ask yourself why you are attracted and love a woman who emotionally abuses you and treats you like dirt. I agree here. I think this is key to your situation: what is it that you are getting that compels you to stay? And is that actually healthy for you, or is it costing you, emotionally?
vsmini Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Do not hang on to the woman she was for the first 5 months - which sounds like what you're doing. She's showing you her true colors and it ain't pretty. How can you have an emotionally fulfilling relationship with someone like that. The person you should share your life with will listen to your problems and/or concerns in the relationship and work with you on it - they won't brush you off and tell you it's your problem. There are people out there better suited for you than her. I know we're just anony people on a message board but seriously - look at what everyone is saying. Leave her and I'll do it for you: I'm gonna call her an evil bitch.
D-Lish Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 There is nothing attractive about a person that doesn't take any responsibility for their actions. When you try and handle a problem like an adult, she turns it around and makes you feel like you're the one with the problem. If you stay with a girl like this, it won't be long before you start to believe "it's you".... Don't let her manipulate you like this. Imagine spending the rest of your life with someone that has no clue or desire to make your relationship better through honest communication and effort?
vsmini Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 There is nothing attractive about a person that doesn't take any responsibility for their actions. When you try and handle a problem like an adult, she turns it around and makes you feel like you're the one with the problem. If you stay with a girl like this, it won't be long before you start to believe "it's you".... AMEN D-Lish! manipulation - no matter how obvious it seems in the beginning starts to wear on you and it will file down on your self-esteem. The "what did I do wrong?" will start sneaking up on you...next thing you know this hell demon will cheat or dump you and you'll be there thinking it was all your fault. If what you say is spot on and how she acts in most cases......she's useless. May I ask.....what does she criticize you about? How old is she? Do you open the lines of communication with her with a hostile or loving tone?
D-Lish Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 AMEN D-Lish! manipulation - no matter how obvious it seems in the beginning starts to wear on you and it will file down on your self-esteem. The "what did I do wrong?" will start sneaking up on you...next thing you know this hell demon will cheat or dump you and you'll be there thinking it was all your fault. If what you say is spot on and how she acts in most cases......she's useless. May I ask.....what does she criticize you about? How old is she? Do you open the lines of communication with her with a hostile or loving tone? I dated a 35 year old that acted in the same manner. Nothing he did was wrong- it was all "my fault" 100% of the time. None of my feelings mattered, everything I felt was "irrational"... He'd be a dick, and turn it around that I was the dick. I eventually embraced that I was the dick- logic out the window. All I can tell you is that I felt like a helpless piece of crap by the time that relationship came to an end- I didn't know if I was coming or going. You've got a lot of red flags in front of you! It's only a matter of time before you lose perspective. I think it's time to let things go and find someone that is open to having honest, healthy discussions that will lead to a better relationship- not someone that isn't capable of taking any sort of responsibility for anything.
mark982 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 only a year with this woman and you don't like the way it's going? time to dump and run
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