RecordProducer Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I think my obvious disinterest in these things bound her much closer to me.This is so true! BTW, I only snooped on the person I thought (rightfully so) he was lying to me. I have a good nose for liars and never snooped on the people I knew were honest. In any case, snooping shows you care - and caring always backfires.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I have never snooped, but I have been snooped on once to my knowledge, and I strongly suspect one other time. The guy who snooped on me was looking at my Internet history to see if I had been talking to any other guys. I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and found him in the office, looking guilty. I asked him what was up, and he eventually admitted what he had done. He seemed really upset with himself, and said he did it because he was feeling insecure. I strongly considered ending it, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. But his insecurities and anxieties plagued us for the entire relationship. The snooping early on was a symptom of a larger problem that never went away.
alphamale Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 about 15 yrs ago i snooped on my at-the-time gf. i found a picture in her dresser drawer of her face covered in semen...and it wasn't mine
cerridwen Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 about 15 yrs ago i snooped on my at-the-time gf. i found a picture in her dresser drawer of her face covered in semen...and it wasn't mine Brutal!! Guess she kept the pic for nostalgic reasons.
Olivia1966 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 about 15 yrs ago i snooped on my at-the-time gf. i found a picture in her dresser drawer of her face covered in semen...and it wasn't mine Eeek. I only snooped once, and I found a love letter from another girl, dated at just about the time of our first date. I probably should've run away at that point*, but instead, I threw an absolute hissy fit and he broke it off with the other girl. Eventually, the other girl and I actually kind of became friends. She later moved in with my ex's brother, and got thrown over for another woman several years later. *I'm actually very, very glad that I didn't run away, because I wouldn't have my son if I had.
alphamale Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Brutal!! Guess she kept the pic for nostalgic reasons. yea, she was a bit strange, but great in the sack
D-Lish Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 yea, she was a bit strange, but great in the sack Alpha, Mea and I used to snoop your wallet for your credit card so we could go on fabulous shopping sprees- memba that?:eek:
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I have trust issues and I admit to snooping once on my current bf. I really had no reason to and don't suspect him of anything. It's just general paranoia. The other day, he left his phone around when he went to have a shower. I couldn't resist and had a look at people he sent/received recent messages from and phone calls. I saw nothing suspect (they were all friends I have met and his parents). Then I opened up a few message conversations anyway and saw that he mentions me a lot (even in texts) and it was all positive. Then I got ashamed of myself and didn't look further.
carhill Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 (edited) Do you snoop on your significant others emails, phones, what have you?Never have. There was only one time I actually pulled up my exW's phone records, and that was when I got hit with a big cell bill after we separated. She evidently had a lot of calls to/from one certain person and ran over our contract minutes. I advised her as soon as I found out in order to save her money. Later, this person was the impetus for her to change her phone number, which she easily could have kept under her own contract (which I wouldn't have access to). She gave me her new number and assumed financial responsibility for her cell contract. That was the only time in our M I ever saw or had interest in seeing her phone records, or any records for that matter. This is perhaps reflective of my secure attachment style. We each had each other's passwords/access and, absent that one instance, I don't believe we ever used them to 'snoop', or look at each other's info, though we'd occasionally access each other's information at the other's request. I did that one time when her Yahoo e-mail was hijacked by someone in Brazil while she was traveling, since I was in a better position to handle the logistics. Disclosure and transparency was SOP. Edited May 25, 2011 by carhill
ascendotum Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I've never snooped, I never would. If I get to that point where I feel the need to snoop the relationship is over. This is my view on snooping as well. I havn't done it, but if I was married and there was a change in the demeanor or behavior of my SO that caused be to be suspicious then I would. Its not that easy to just say its over when you are married/defacto, you want to know for sure if there is infidelity. I have observed a couple of my past gfs rummaging through my documents or going through my mobile phone or my PC browser history by walking into the room unexpected or seeing their reflection in a window. I had nothing to hide (except old txt or photos from past gf), but it was annoying. One of these women used to read between the lines with a negative conclusion things I did or said which pissed me off more (based on their past bfs). There have been a few posts here recently where snooping has confirmed the person's suspicions that something was up, but I personally think its a last option resort if at all. If I did accidently come across old love letters or nude pics of the gf with an ex, I certainly would not confront her over keepsakes. (well if they were still in her bedside table then its a bit different)
Fondue Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 In my opinion, there is never justification for snooping-- even if you find something out that's bad. Regardless, all it means is that you don't trust your mate. So with that said, why are you even in the relationship? If you don't trust them, then that is not a healthy relationship. Might as well not be dating at all. Anyone who snoops or has done so in the past loses a bit of my respect, for sure. (So I guess you could tell I never snooped, and I suspect no one snooped on me either).
Author HappyPanda Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 (edited) It seems as if most people have "investigated" at one point or another, usually due to paranoia, whether it was perceived or real. Its kind of funny timing that I happened to pose this question yesterday because I JUST got off the phone with a friend whose pending wedding (as in, 2 MONTHS from now!) is now broken due to snoopage... Its a really convoluted and long story, but the jist is: He (my friend) and some buddies went to Miami for his bachelor party last weekend. They went to a strip club and ending up "meeting" a stripper, whom my friend exchanged numbers with (Im sure you can already imagine the impending problems here) The group ended up partying until the wee hours, got home around 6 am and passed out... When the other members of the party awoke, the bachelor was not in the hotel room, but snuck out to meet the stripper at her penthouse and was there until about 1 the following afternoon. He "claims" nothing happened but some ha ha's and a massage (bullish, if you ask me) BUT! His FIANCE found out because she had installed an app on his smartphone (unbeknowst to him) that tracked his phone calls, text messages, and gps. She found out within a matter of hours what had happened, and by the time he got back to Boston, she had canceled everything. ............... Epic snoop. Edited May 26, 2011 by HappyPanda
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 For me, it's not so much the fear of being cheated on and left for someone else. It's the fear of being deceived and staying with someone that is cheating or similar without me being aware of it. Lack of complete information is what kills me in relationships.
Arikel Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I truly agree with what eternal sunshine says. I wouldn't want to be played for a fool and strung along
guy777 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 For me, it's not so much the fear of being cheated on and left for someone else. It's the fear of being deceived and staying with someone that is cheating or similar without me being aware of it. Lack of complete information is what kills me in relationships. The fear of being a sucker (not the good kind, the easily conned kind . These two are sort of one in the same in my opinion. I mean, really we are afraid of them cheating if we don't want them to. But I know what you mean. If we have the information we can make the decision about moving on.
ascendotum Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 It seems as if most people have "investigated" at one point or another, usually due to paranoia, whether it was perceived or real. Its kind of funny timing that I happened to pose this question yesterday because I JUST got off the phone with a friend whose pending wedding (as in, 2 MONTHS from now!) is now broken due to snoopage... Its a really convoluted and long story, but the jist is: He (my friend) and some buddies went to Miami for his bachelor party last weekend. They went to a strip club and ending up "meeting" a stripper, whom my friend exchanged numbers with (Im sure you can already imagine the impending problems here) The group ended up partying until the wee hours, got home around 6 am and passed out... When the other members of the party awoke, the bachelor was not in the hotel room, but snuck out to meet the stripper at her penthouse and was there until about 1 the following afternoon. He "claims" nothing happened but some ha ha's and a massage (bullish, if you ask me) BUT! His FIANCE found out because she had installed an app on his smartphone (unbeknowst to him) that tracked his phone calls, text messages, and gps. She found out within a matter of hours what had happened, and by the time he got back to Boston, she had canceled everything. ............... Epic snoop. If you read this in its entirety you’ll say smart girl she’s better off now....and she is. The guy cerrtainly seems like a cheating rat, sneaking off to a stripper’s room, because he just had to have a massage...yeah right. The outcome will justify her actions in her eyes and her friends, but seriously this is phuked.. on two levels. She said yes to this guy and is planning on walking down the aisle soon with him, for ever after, yet here she is sneakily installing a spying & tracking device on her beloved soon to be husband. If I found out a gf had installed this s**t on my phone I’d go ballistic, it would be over. I don’t care if she claimed it was because I work back late at the office and have attractive women in my team who sometimes have to call after hours on work issues, or whatever other reason, this crosses a line more so than browsing thru a phone.
RecordProducer Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 For me, it's not so much the fear of being cheated on and left for someone else. It's the fear of being deceived and staying with someone that is cheating or similar without me being aware of it. Lack of complete information is what kills me in relationships. Reasons pro snooping I suspected my ex-husband of being sneaky and when I snooped, I found out he was telling completely unimportant women he wasn't married and he went on business trips (when he in fact visited ME). I also learned he had not told his best friend we got married for a long time after our wedding. We had an intercontinental relationship, so I discovered these things at the beginning of our marriage, but had I learned of them earlier I wouldn't have fallen in love with him to begin with. Reason against snooping You can learn all you need without snooping and you'll save yourself a great deal of pain. Exceptions In case of infidelity, snoopojg may be your only option to know for sure, as some people here suggested. Snooping may also give you peace of mind that nothing is up, especially if your partner is trying to present to you as though their love life is great when it is not (as when you're broken up).
Arasae Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I snooped in the past because I wanted to read all the nice things my man was writing about me in his journal. I initially stumbled upon it by accident... Opened it, read some really sweet sentiments, kept reading.. Turned out that the last entry he wrote was not so warm and fuzzy towards me, and I almost ended it because I was so hurt. In other words, it was narcissistic, childish, and stupid. There is a reason people should not examine the private thoughts of others, lol. I haven't looked since!
tman666 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Trust, but verify. I'm mostly kidding. I don't think that snooping is indicative of a healthy relationship. However, not listening one's gut instincts and ignoring irregular comments/actions is stupid as well.
Author HappyPanda Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 If you read this in its entirety you’ll say smart girl she’s better off now....and she is. The guy cerrtainly seems like a cheating rat, sneaking off to a stripper’s room, because he just had to have a massage...yeah right. The outcome will justify her actions in her eyes and her friends, but seriously this is phuked.. on two levels. She said yes to this guy and is planning on walking down the aisle soon with him, for ever after, yet here she is sneakily installing a spying & tracking device on her beloved soon to be husband. If I found out a gf had installed this s**t on my phone I’d go ballistic, it would be over. I don’t care if she claimed it was because I work back late at the office and have attractive women in my team who sometimes have to call after hours on work issues, or whatever other reason, this crosses a line more so than browsing thru a phone. I completely agree. He screwed up immensely, but they were doomed before this even happened... he may be taking a bullet right now, but he's dodging an even bigger one.
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