Tiffx Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 So I've been seeing this guy for 2 months now and he asked me to be his girlfriend on the 4th date. We've been exclusive for 2 months and I thought I really liked him at first, but now I'm beginning to think he is way too full on. He has already mentioned the future, saying things like he only wants a long term relationship and he doesn't like to 'waste his time'. He also says he really wants kids and marriage one day. He is only 22 and I'm 20 and I am so not ready to even be talking about a future with him. I told him I wanted to take things slow and I'm not ready for anything too serious. I think he really wants to be serious with me and I just can't do it. I can feel myself pulling away from him, he is just too intense. I'm scared by how fast he has fallen for me. The other night we got drunk and he told me that he cares about me too much and he should be more like me and 'care less'. I like him but I just wish he would be more easy going. I've already told him I want to slow down and not force things, but I don't think he's getting it. Is it possible that he likes me too much at this stage and has gotten too attached? Is it something I should be concerned about? I think he has started to notice me pulling away, now he has been trying to make me kiss him more and stuff like that. Some advice would be greatly appreciated!
vsmini Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 It sounds like he's really pushing for something that can only come naturally and with time. He's impatient and it will backfire on him. If you have clearly stated that you want to take it slower and you still feel like he is pushing for more then you have to have a serious talk with him - if he continues then you have to let him go. What's the alternative? being the nice girl and dealing with a pace you aren't comfortable with? Be weary of people that blow hot and cold. It's wonderful that he likes you as much as he does but he needs to understand that he can't force a relationship and that just because two people aren't jumping into something really, really serious after only two months it doesn't mean anybody is "wasting" their time.
Author Tiffx Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Thanks for the reply =) I've already had the talk about taking things slow with him and he was pretty clear that he did want something long term. Maybe we might just want different things, I don't see how it can work if that is the case. I was also taken a bit aback when he was drunk and going on about needing to care less about me. I remember he was trying to talk to me about something and I said he was being 'too deep' because we were in a bar and it wasn't the right time to be having that conversation. I might just need someone who is not as intense as him and more relaxed. Maybe he is insecure about the relationship?
vsmini Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 If this continues it will be best to go your own ways. It isn't fair to you if you're not looking for what he's offering and it's not fair to him either. But him saying he needs to care less? He probably just doesn't like not holding the "power card" which is ultimately an illusion but many people say that the one in the relationship that cares less is the one that holds more power. He just sounds young and immature. He's only 22 - nobody is clear on what they want or who they are at that age. Give him a break and give yourself a break. Date a guy because you like what you have with him and where it's going - don't date a guy out of guilt or just because it's nice that he wants a serious relationship.
VicJay79 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Tiffx, Relax he actually likes you and doesn't want to play games. He is right about not wanting to 'waste his time'. I hope you don't pull away he seems like a great guy that has the COURAGE to use his heart. Keep this one.... So I've been seeing this guy for 2 months now and he asked me to be his girlfriend on the 4th date. We've been exclusive for 2 months and I thought I really liked him at first, but now I'm beginning to think he is way too full on. He has already mentioned the future, saying things like he only wants a long term relationship and he doesn't like to 'waste his time'. He also says he really wants kids and marriage one day. He is only 22 and I'm 20 and I am so not ready to even be talking about a future with him. I told him I wanted to take things slow and I'm not ready for anything too serious. I think he really wants to be serious with me and I just can't do it. I can feel myself pulling away from him, he is just too intense. I'm scared by how fast he has fallen for me. The other night we got drunk and he told me that he cares about me too much and he should be more like me and 'care less'. I like him but I just wish he would be more easy going. I've already told him I want to slow down and not force things, but I don't think he's getting it. Is it possible that he likes me too much at this stage and has gotten too attached? Is it something I should be concerned about? I think he has started to notice me pulling away, now he has been trying to make me kiss him more and stuff like that. Some advice would be greatly appreciated!
SJC2008 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Thats why most men (that want marriage) don't tell women early on they want marriage, is because it scares them away (even the ones that do). He did not PROPOSE to you, he just said he wants a relationship and to get married one day. However, I feel you are 100% correct in telling him to slow down because you don't want marriage or a commitment yet. Honestly. If you ask me, it sounds like your'e his first "real" girlfriend and he is just overwhelmed with emotion righ now. So I'd give it some time to see if he comes back down to earth and see what happens. If he keeps up talking about the future then end because your'e not ready.
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