jacksonBrown Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 my ex and i broke up after 3 years she says she still loves me but needs to live on her own for a while, i took her for granted alot and didn't treat her like i should have and we finally broke up ova it now i miss her like crazy and realise she is the love of my life i would do anything to prove to her and can be the best BF for her. so its been almost 4 weeks since we split ive done abit of begging and she has stuck to her guns still says no we're not getting back together, its been 4 days since no contact and i cant stop thinking about her i miss her heaps.. i wrote her this letter i'm thinking about sending it? do you think it will help or just push her away further i dont know wat to do i dont wanna loose her.. dear bec, I wanted to write a little letter just to tell you how i feel, what we had was special and i know it had its up and downs but in the end i loved you the whole time, i miss the way you talk with the dogs i miss how we hold eachother in bed and i miss being able to see you and ask how your day went... i know it felt like we weren't going anywhere in our relationship and i think thats becos we were both over it at the time and i'm done with that relationship i dont want that back but wat i know for sure in my heart is that i love you, you mean the world to me and i would do anything for you and i would love to build a new relationtionship with u based on that, everyday i have thort of you and realised i was stupid for taking you for granted i know you might ask why did it take this long for me to figure it out well maybe i just needed this break up to realise your the love of my life at the moment, i remember about a year ago now we had plans to get married i miss those days my feelings for you havnt changed infact they have got stronger I love you like ellie loves scott and thats saying something LOL I miss your cute little smile, the funny things you say and do i miss everything about you, your my baby and no one loves you like i do. I know you said you need to be by yourself for a while and i Need to respect that we were together for almost 3 years and now you need some time to live on your own and do the things you want to do. but we can do some of them together, Single life is Ok but you know deep down being able to share your life with someone is a great thing and everybody loves to be wanted and held at night and kissed goodby and hello i want those things for us but i also want us to have space so we're not in eachother pockets all the time like i said i'm starting tafe this comin semester which is good so i wont be sitting around the house anymore i'm evan thinking about moving closer to the city, I want you to have your own life and hang out with your friends without me but i aslo want you in my life too... maybe we can go for a coffee one day soon? Love you and Miss you forever... Jake xxxxxxxxxx P.s I'm not love sick but I am heartbroken I do realise that your heart may be too far gone for this and you are moving on, if that is true then please dont reply to this letter i will understand if i dont hear from you and i wont contact you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Give her the space she wants... That letter is way to needy...that old saying how can I miss you if you don,t go away... Give her time to miss you..if you feel the need to send a letter ...I respect your wishes ...take care...and then do NC.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 I know it's needy but its the truth should I not tell her these things and just let her miss me? Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I know it's needy but its the truth should I not tell her these things and just let her miss me? If you want to push her away further... Send it. If you don't want to push her away further... Don't send it. Choose wisely! Disclaimer (For WTRanger) The opinions expressed in this response are my own. All the information I present in regards to Break Ups, Second Chances and Healing are based on my own experiences. I also use information and data that I have collected from friends, family members and the homeless guy down the street. While I strive to provide accurate and informative advice and information within my posts, I am sorry to say that I sometimes get inspiration, thoughts, ideas, quotes, concepts, suggestions, tips, etc. from other sources that I have read, heard or seen on TV, Radio, Books, Movies, Internet, Billboards, Magazines, Newspaper, Bumper Stickers, Graffiti, Fortune Cookies, etc. Please use your discretion before making any decisions based anything that I may post. *As always, talk to your doctor or healthcare provider before acting upon anything I suggest, recommend or encourage you to do* This disclaimer is to appease WTRanger and freee Homebrew of any liability if negative consequences result from my efforts. Link to post Share on other sites
rayne05us Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 If you DO want to send something...which I wouldn't really advise. Send her something MUCH shorter. Like, Dear (her full name no nicknames....) I completely understand why you need to take your space and I realize now that I have to take this time to learn how to show my appreciation for people that I love. Eventhough I knew how much you meant to me, I didn't show it and it was wrong...and I never want to make you or anyone fee like that ever again. I love you very very much. You're acknowledging the problem and respecting her space, and showing you you plan on correcting the problem in a very concise letter that is not overwhelming anf not full of huge emotions or desperateness. Then....LEAVE HER ALONE FOR A WHILE! No contact....none...NONE! If you want her back, let her make the next move. Link to post Share on other sites
rayne05us Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Oh yeah...and make sure you fix the problem....do what you have to to learn how to treat the people you love every ounce of how you would want to be treated. Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I know it's needy but its the truth should I not tell her these things and just let her miss me? I don't know what the reason is that the two of you broke up. If the reason is thatshe felt trapped in this relationship then DONT send it. If the reason is that you never made any time for her of that you couldnt tell her you loved her or anything like that, maybe you can send it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 I don't know what the reason is that the two of you broke up. If the reason is thatshe felt trapped in this relationship then DONT send it. If the reason is that you never made any time for her of that you couldnt tell her you loved her or anything like that, maybe you can send it. We broke up due to loosing the spark spending too much thine together, we stopped showing eachother affection and started treating eachother like friends so we decided to break up coz it felt like we weren't going anywhere since the break up I know how much I love her and realize the mistakes I made in the relationship, Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 We broke up due to loosing the spark spending too much thine together, we stopped showing eachother affection and started treating eachother like friends so we decided to break up coz it felt like we weren't going anywhere since the break up I know how much I love her and realize the mistakes I made in the relationship, Hm.. thats so difficult, I really feel your pain. Well.. first of all, i think space isn't a terrible idea. Ever since the two of you broke up, all you've done is to think about what she wants and with the fear of losing her. So for just a few days at least, take some time to do your own things and think about what you want. Sometimes you think you want something, just because you're afraid to lose it and thats not a good enough reason to want something. Second your ex-girlfriend also needs some space. Probably because she hasn't had time to think about what she really wants. You've been together (intensly) for 3 years, which means that she probably (up to a certain point) identifies herself as part of the two of you. She needs to maybe feel herself a little bit more again, in order for her to decide if she misses you! Also i think that you at some point will be able to tell wheather she misses you, I mean you've been together for 3 years! I'm thinking that you know her quite well! I suggest that you give it time. Take a week or so, for yourself! After this week (if you still want her) decide to send her a letter, in which you tell her (like Rayne05us said) that because you love so much and respect her, you want to give her her space. That you hope that you two can make it work and that you regret everything that went wrong, but tell her (and know!) that there is a reason for everything. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Reason why I'm saying this by the way, is that ussualy girls LOVE it when men expres their feelings. But my ex BF and me were in sort of well not the same situation but a similar one, allthough ours didnt have any chance, and I think yours does have a chance. My BF and I were together for 3 years and he at some point didnt want to touch me anymore and was kranky all the time and insulted me a lot, it was really bad especially because at the time I was really in love and loved him a lot. At some point I decided to break up with him, because things were way too intense for me. After I broke up with him he called me litteraly about a hundred times a day. And nowadays he regrets all of his actions, but is still very intense, and hasn't gotten over me yet 8it has been 1,5 years). Thing is, that if he hadnt done any of the mean things before, and we were just broken up over some other stupid reason, I would love for the guy to send me a sweet letter. From the experience I did learn that some space can be a really good thing. So again Good luck, you seem like a very nice person! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Reason why I'm saying this by the way, is that ussualy girls LOVE it when men expres their feelings. But my ex BF and me were in sort of well not the same situation but a similar one, allthough ours didnt have any chance, and I think yours does have a chance. My BF and I were together for 3 years and he at some point didnt want to touch me anymore and was kranky all the time and insulted me a lot, it was really bad especially because at the time I was really in love and loved him a lot. At some point I decided to break up with him, because things were way too intense for me. After I broke up with him he called me litteraly about a hundred times a day. And nowadays he regrets all of his actions, but is still very intense, and hasn't gotten over me yet 8it has been 1,5 years). Thing is, that if he hadnt done any of the mean things before, and we were just broken up over some other stupid reason, I would love for the guy to send me a sweet letter. From the experience I did learn that some space can be a really good thing. So again Good luck, you seem like a very nice person! ok thanks for the comments i guess that letter that i wrote is abit intense and needy i just want her to know all that stuff with out sounding needy. Its only been 4 days of NC and the last time i spoke with her she told me she doesn't want to work things out and just needs to be on her own for a while evan when she says that i'm having a tuff time letting her go. so your ex still isn't ova you 1.5 years later?? have you moved on? are you with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 (edited) If you DO want to send something...which I wouldn't really advise. Send her something MUCH shorter. Like, Dear (her full name no nicknames....) I completely understand why you need to take your space and I realize now that I have to take this time to learn how to show my appreciation for people that I love. Eventhough I knew how much you meant to me, I didn't show it and it was wrong...and I never want to make you or anyone fee like that ever again. I love you very very much. You're acknowledging the problem and respecting her space, and showing you you plan on correcting the problem in a very concise letter that is not overwhelming anf not full of huge emotions or desperateness. Then....LEAVE HER ALONE FOR A WHILE! No contact....none...NONE! If you want her back, let her make the next move. ok thanks for the help so you do suggest i send something to her i can send exactly what you've written, or do u think its better i just go completey NC for now Edited May 25, 2011 by jacksonBrown Link to post Share on other sites
cookiecrumbles Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Whatever you do, do not send the letter! She wants her space give it to her. She doesnt want someone who she has just broken up with sending needy letters, it is not attractive or desirable. We have all learnt the lesson at one point about being too desperate or needy for an ex, it pushes them away even more because they know they have you wrapped around their finger and its just not a challenge. Let her go, if she comes back you know it was meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Well I am over him. I still care about him, but I am not in love with him and I dont want to be in a relationship anymore, I really want him to be happy though but I know Im not the one for him. He's very extreme in everything that he does and that kind of scares me, hehe. Honoustly I'm telling you, you should be with someone that really makes you happy, not someone that could make you happy if this and if that.. If believe you when you say that she's amazing and that you love her, but take this time and use it for you. Sometimes you need that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 evan tho i feel those things for her i most definatly wil not be sending that letter thankyou for everyones advice, i ended up sending her a little note saying she was right not to come ova my house on sunday night and i should respect her space.. we talked after that for about an hour not a word was said about the relationship we just talked like friends it was great to be talking with her again but i couldn't help think how badly i wanted her back, but oh well i'm not acting desperate anymore just see wat happens one day at a time as for now back to NC Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 evan tho i feel those things for her i most definatly wil not be sending that letter thankyou for everyones advice, i ended up sending her a little note saying she was right not to come ova my house on sunday night and i should respect her space.. we talked after that for about an hour not a word was said about the relationship we just talked like friends it was great to be talking with her again but i couldn't help think how badly i wanted her back, but oh well i'm not acting desperate anymore just see wat happens one day at a time as for now back to NC Wow! Good for you! I thinked you handled it really well. You'll definetly be allright;) with or without her, eatherway you'll be fine! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Wow! Good for you! I thinked you handled it really well. You'll definetly be allright;) with or without her, eatherway you'll be fine! thanks I fell much better about the whole situation the laws of attraction thread really helped me on this matter i recommend it to everyone Link to post Share on other sites
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