mickeyp Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 OK the short story if you haven't seen a previous thread, my ex split up with me after we fought, i had sent her home to cool off after she got drunk and jealous, we were together 2 years, we talked a few days later, she was sorry etc just give her a little time to sort her head out, 4 days after our split she bumped into a relation of an ex and got back with him, she hadn't seen or heard from her ex in 15 years, then after she got back with him she started to invite me over to her house, but liked to inform me that you cant go back, she invited me to her work, would emails me about what her daughter is doing, so i went full NC, i do want her back im madly in love with her. but not whilst she is seeing some one. now here is the twist, i bumped into an ex of mine at the bus stop last week just said hi, and carried on with my day. Sunday night i get a phone call from the girl i was seeing before my ex, we only had brief fling about 4 months, hadn't seen or heard from her since we split, we just split cause she was going back to Europe. and hadn't really got to deep went out for dinner to catch up, had a great night just chatted, she told me about the guy she was seeing i told her about my ex, now she has invited me over to hers for dinner. this is the dilemma, i want my ex back i do love her and miss her kids, and i know she loves me, i think she has gotten into a rebound and is lost. do i go to dinner. i want my ex but I'm worried that i might never happen, how much time do i give her i want to wait but i also don't want to sit on the side lines waiting and watching my life go by.
Kic Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I think you should go to the dinner if: 1. The dinner girl is currently single (that wasn't clear to me in your post, sounds like she may still be taken) 2. You're past the early recovery stages and can handle a date or even sex with someone else. If you don't go, you may regret it and harbor resentment toward your ex due to you holding your breath.
zlatnapolja Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I think you should get over your ex, but not have dinner with the other girl. You dont get over a relationship by dating someone new, that will just hurt everyone involved including yourself! Honestly, it's ok to be alone for a wile. You can also to the dinner as friends or something, but dont go on the rebound or anything;) I agree with you on the idea of your ex being really confused. She needs to work on things. And let her, she has problems that dont have anything to do with you.
Author mickeyp Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 (edited) Yep she is single, as to whether Im ready. Unsure?, still want my ex, i not sure if she is seeing someone,?? the time line doesn't make sense, can somebody really have an argument on a Monday, phone you up pleading and crying apologizing telling me im the love of her life on the Friday, telling you she needs time to sort herself out get help for her jealousy on the Saturday, says she wants to do dinner on the Sunday, but cancels due to family, then be in a relationship by the following Thursday, maybe she is just saying it to get at me ?? but in the mean time asking me to come over, crying, letting me hold her, even kissing me wanting me to stay for dinner, has offered to check on my house collect mail etc whilst i am out of the country with work does somebody do that when they are in another relationship ? Edited May 25, 2011 by mickeyp
zlatnapolja Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 but in the mean time asking me to come over, crying, letting me hold her, even kissing me wanting me to stay for dinner, has offered to check on my house collect mail etc whilst i am out of the country with work does somebody do that when they are in another relationship ? The crying and letting you hold her and kissing you, usually means that she really really wants to be with you. These things are much more intimate for a woman than sex for instance. However it could also be that she just misses the idea of having you there. i mean she wants to do the things she used to (taking care of your house etc), but doesnt seem to want a serious relationship. Either way she is very confussed, i'd say you both take some time to think about what you want. And tell her to take some time for herself, without contacting you for a while. Dont complicate the situation by getting involved with someone else. Being alone for just a while never hurt anyone.
Author mickeyp Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 you know what your right, the previous girl was just a fling and even when we caught up my mind was else where , we knew each other for a few months, we were not really that close, my ex is an amazing women, who i love dearly and want back. and i miss the kids, who even though there not mine, she still wants me to keep in touch with them and has dropped of some pictures in the mail box but this NC thing is a killer, so hard to stop myself from dialing that number, or calling on of the kids up for a chat, gets hard though not knowing what to do,
Author mickeyp Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 (edited) OK the next question is. going to give the other girl a miss and concentrate on my ex, now i leave for the USA on Wednesday, and my ex still has a key to my place, she said she would to check on the house collect the mail etc. i haven't been in touch with my ex for 8 days, i did bump into her sister the other day who commented on how good i was looking, asked how my ex and kids were getting on, apart from that been doing the NC thing, do i text or call her to see if she is still visiting whilst I'm away, or do i just leave it and see if she visit without me asking Edited May 26, 2011 by mickeyp
Author mickeyp Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 well it just gets worse, she text me on Friday wanting to know if i still wanted her to look after my house, Yep then we got into a little text chat (stupid) but nipped it in the bud, 2 weeks NC blown away Monday comes and she calls me from a private number, asking me to delete her number from my phone, she she has been thinking about it all weekend,and its making her upset but i have to delete her from my phone and its causing problems in her new relationship, OK! then she has i go at me for telling a friend of hers we broke up (why pretend) apparently her private life is her business and no one else OK! i can still keep in touch with the girls, but i have to delete her number from the phone, OK!, she doesn't want to keep lying to her new guy that she is not talking to me, hes asking whether or not we keep in touch, and its starting to make her ill. OK! then i told her she has moved on and i have started going out on dates and the split is the best thing for us both and maybe one day we can be friends blah blah total change, all of a sudden we can keep in touch via email, but only Gmail and nothing else, no text or hot mail etc have a great time in LA and have a safe journey maybe do coffee when i get back where still friends?? i think she is very very confused and unstable.time to change the phone number Now the question is, if she doesn't want to lie to her new man, why does she want to stay in touch secretly by email, and for me to have contact with the girls, confused still love her but starting to think she is a wee bit mad, that would explain the jealousy and the time she physically attacked me cause her gay mate said i looked good in the words i of the great musicians iron maiden RUN TO THE HILLS-RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
zlatnapolja Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Get out of this situation! Break ALL contact. Take some time to get over her though. But please oh please save yourself and leave this woman for what she is. This is not going to improve any time soon, cause imagine if she would choose to be with you.. Chances are she would probably still secretly keep contacting this guy because she's very decideless. Good luck!
Author mickeyp Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 well my no contact message didn't get through, just got an email- i believe you when you tell me that telling lil was not intentional and thank you for erasing me from your phone, i wish you well and hope you meet someone special soon. i will look after your home as promised. Have a great trip. i will not be replying to that one god the more time i sit back and think the more time i realize how crazy she is, starting to change my feelings for her from love to pity, she really is in a bad place mentally NC here we go again
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