JayjosephMN Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Wow I can't believe I'm in this forum posting, but here it goes. Let me try to give a summary of what's already happened. My wife and I are in an average / mundane marriage. I met a wonderful woman two years ago, we will call her Liz. Liz was already in a rocky marriage, and hers has since for all intensive purposes ended, but they still live together for the kids and the property. She and her husband are friends, and that's about it, if they didn't have kids and a $700k property to sell they would be divorced. I've been friends with both of them and know they haven't even kissed in years. So I'm not delusional on this! My marriage when we met was definitely at it's low point and even now isn't much above it, but ironically it's better than it was - I would call it a solid C if I gave it a grade. Liz and I began an affair. Some more background on Liz, she is in her late 30's (Im in my early 30's) and she had a hysterectomy a few months before I met her. Clearly she cant have kids anymore and she had two adorable kids that are 7/8 respectively. I have a 3yr old. The spot I find myself in now is interesting, but I bet I'm not the only one??? I love Liz more than anything, we have had ups and downs and we are still together. We have passed the 'new love' phase of a relationship and are madly in love. My marriage hit the 7 year rut when Liz and I first met and now going on the 10yr rut. Although Liz still says my worst is better than her best. I feel like staying in my marriage is settling for 'meh' if you can understand that. And if Liz and I were a couple we would be amazing, we are already convinced we are soul mates which probably is why we have been together through so much. It uses to be more apples to apples her marriage v mine, but hers is defiantly worse now than mine. My wife is taking a job in another state next year, September to be exact, she is a physician so these things get planned out well in advance. I don't want to move to that state, and I guess I'm too passive agressive to say anything now. I think the best way to make a clean break is to say something when the time is closer, we can split possessions, load the truck and she can go and I can stay here. I'm an amazing dad, a SAHD with my toddler. But I think she needs a sibling. My wife thinks she does too. My wife also works 100+ hours a week and I do all the parenting and such. I would love to have another kid, because I think my daughter needs a closer aged sibling. Clearly I can't do that with Liz. So I want to have another kid before my wife splits to her job, and make a break. I already do the parenting and I think that even in a divorce I would get primary custody because her job won't really make it easy for her. Liz thinks this is a sign I am madly in love with my wife, when I really just want my daughter to have a brother / sister. I to have some extent made Liz upset about this, even though I want to be with her. But she knows too she can't provide this for me. (Note: Liz is a PhD, my wife is an MD, and I've got a masters - we are all smart). Does wanting a kid really mean I love my wife, when I'm sure I'm in 'like' with my wife. In such a tough spot, I know Liz makes me truly happy, I know my daughter needs a sibling, I know I can be an amazing parent with or without Liz and my wife, and I know I can make a break easily next year versus doing this now when my wife has a job she has to complete (contract) through July of 2012. THoughts? Questions? Clarifications?
anne1707 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 No offence but I really, really hope you are a troll
bentnotbroken Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 IQ does not = common sense, integrity or class. So try not to pass anything else on and pray your child gets everything from your wife.
Author JayjosephMN Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 Wow not a troll at all Maybe my situation is this messed up.
ladydesigner Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Wow not a troll at all Maybe my situation is this messed up. It does sound pretty messed up. I think you should see an IC and figure out what you need to do, but you can't be married and wanting to have a kid with wifey and then cake eat too. It sounds like too much.
bentnotbroken Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Wow not a troll at all Maybe my situation is this messed up. No it is passed this messed up.
Author JayjosephMN Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 I'm concerned that even with a divorce that my wife wouldn't get remarried quick at all with her job. So that makes my daughter having a sibling so unlikely I mean she's 3 now, and if we split next year, and my W were to meet someone/date/have kid my daughter would be 2-4 more years separated from her sibling. Maybe single kid isn't a bad thing, but I've read so much that kids with siblings do better. Ugh.
bentnotbroken Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I'm concerned that even with a divorce that my wife wouldn't get remarried quick at all with her job. So that makes my daughter having a sibling so unlikely I mean she's 3 now, and if we split next year, and my W were to meet someone/date/have kid my daughter would be 2-4 more years separated from her sibling. Maybe single kid isn't a bad thing, but I've read so much that kids with siblings do better. Ugh. What have you read about the effects on a child who has a parent who cheats and uses the mother that he wants to divorce for an incubator? Cause OW has no plumbing.
anne1707 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Being blunt. Kids are not daft. If you pregnate your wife and then divorce her and end up with the OW, that child wil eventually put 2 and 2 together just as your daughter will. So then you could end up with both of your children realising that the youngest was conceived whilst you were seeing their stepmother. How well do you think that will be received?
ladydesigner Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 What have you read about the effects on a child who has a parent who cheats and uses the mother that he wants to divorce for an incubator? Cause OW has no plumbing. O M G the truth hurts. Yeah I don't think this is a good idea jayjoseph
Emme Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 (Note: Liz is a PhD, my wife is an MD, and I've got a masters - we are all smart) That means nothing.... Now pay attention people this is what I'm talking about living in a bubble. Oh Jay... Jay... you are i your own world with Liz but Liz stepped out for smokes. The deception and the lies seem to be the norm. Jay has made his way of thinking the normalcy for his circumstance. This is what people do in affairs. Not thinking in the so called right frame of mind. Create the realm where everything is justified and it's ok to do as you please because it's for the greater good. Jay I understand your thought process... I do. However you can't justify a sibling to Liz if you truly love her. If you wanted you can get a surrogate to carry your child or adopt a child for you and Liz. Are you sure Liz doesn't have any eggs on ice? To bring another child into this situation when you've set the D'date is going to be volatile. The hormones and emotions your wife will go through after she's given you another child will be too grand. You have to end it if it's over with a clean slate. I understand your reasoning... but the logic is too cold hearted.
bentnotbroken Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 That means nothing.... Now pay attention people this is what I'm talking about living in a bubble. Oh Jay... Jay... you are i your own world with Liz but Liz stepped out for smokes. The deception and the lies seem to be the norm. Jay has made his way of thinking the normalcy for his circumstance. This is what people do in affairs. Not thinking in the so called right frame of mind. Create the realm where everything is justified and it's ok to do as you please because it's for the greater good. Jay I understand your thought process... I do. However you can't justify a sibling to Liz if you truly love her. If you wanted you can get a surrogate to carry your child or adopt a child for you and Liz. Are you sure Liz doesn't have any eggs on ice? To bring another child into this situation when you've set the D'date is going to be volatile. The hormones and emotions your wife will go through after she's given you another child will be too grand. You have to end it if it's over with a clean slate. I understand your reasoning... but the logic is too cold hearted. Got to have a heart(a conscious and a soul)for it to be cold.
Cabin Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 No wonder it's rare for an OM or married OM to post here... as soon as he does he gets called "troll" or gets cut down to size by the aggressive women on here. Geez. Anyway, I'm reminded of that Stones' song "You can't always get what you want" (I have to play it for myself quite a bit too) because if you want to be with Liz, you may have to give up another child. I do understand why Liz would be concerned... most couples don't get pregnant and try to have another baby if they're splitting up... Keep us posted!!
Author JayjosephMN Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 bentnotbroken has made her point...........
anne1707 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 No wonder it's rare for an OM or married OM to post here... as soon as he does he gets called "troll" or gets cut down to size by the aggressive women on here. Excuse me but before you call us all, you should know that I was a WS, not a BS (which does seem to be what you are implying). Can you really support a man who wants to get his wife pregnant even though he is planning to leave her?
Snowflower Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 By the way Jay, I can tell you from experience people in here don't like people with degrees. They will tell them how stupid they think that you are and that you are lying. I am not sure why but it is better off that you pretend you work at Burger King to get an respect in here.. Just letting you know! GOD forbid if your educated butt actually makes a grammatical error..... This is too funny! I would guess that many here posting have a college degree. And they aren't all hated on either. I have a degree but I don't think anyone here "hates" me. Well, I'm sure there are some but oh well. I doubt it is because I have a degree...it's probably because I'm a bit sarcastic here. You (general you-not anyone in particular) can usually make a guess at someone's educational level by their writing skills and how well they can express themselves verbally. But, we are threadjacking. OP, I hope you don't go through with your plan. At least your daughter will have step-siblings if you marry Liz.
bentnotbroken Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 By the way Jay, I can tell you from experience people in here don't like people with degrees. They will tell them how stupid they think that you are and that you are lying. I am not sure why but it is better off that you pretend you work at Burger King to get an respect in here.. Just letting you know! GOD forbid if your educated butt actually makes a grammatical error..... No just act like you got some common decency(which does not require a degree) and get treated with that decency. Try it.
Spark1111 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 bentnotbroken has made her point........... Jay joseph, I have several degrees. Let me say this: Whenever a man WANTS to make a baby with a woman, and I do not care what the reasons are, he still has feelings for that woman. PERIOD. Please examine that. Please, please, please do so, hopefully with a highly qualified counselor. You claim to love Lynne, but want to make a child with your MD wife. I understand why your AP partner may be upset, because a man who is done, finished, and totally out of love and truly planning to divorce, does NOT want to make a baby with that woman. ....just saying....
bentnotbroken Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 No wonder it's rare for an OM or married OM to post here... as soon as he does he gets called "troll" or gets cut down to size by the aggressive women on here. Geez. Anyway, I'm reminded of that Stones' song "You can't always get what you want" (I have to play it for myself quite a bit too) because if you want to be with Liz, you may have to give up another child. I do understand why Liz would be concerned... most couples don't get pregnant and try to have another baby if they're splitting up... Keep us posted!! Thank you:):)
bentnotbroken Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Well, in my experience in here people have called me a liar. Called me stupid, doubted my degrees and accomplishments. Maybe because I am overly confident and outspoken or maybe just because I don't care about my grammar in here.. Just got done with 4 years of college and could care less if I make silly mistakes. This is a hobby and not a job. Psst. It has nothing to do with confidence or being outspoken....it is another quality.
Spark1111 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 You claim you want a biological sibling for your daughter, but then intend to divorce her mother to be with your AP. I'm sorry, not buying it. Not one bit, though I am sure that is what you are telling yourself. A man could happily screw anything in a skirt, but when it comes to reproducing, he SUBCONCIOUSLY picks the absolute best mate he can find. It is evolutionary, it's primal, it's on your DNA encoding. It says, you still RESPECT and ADMIRE your wife in that you want to make another baby with her. Please find a counselor and discuss this. Do it now. If your spouse had the time to pay you half the attention Lynne does, I think you'd stay put. You have some unresolved issues here my friend. Figure them out before you pull the plug on your marriage and your family. Please get to counseling.
Snowflower Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 You claim you want a biological sibling for your daughter, but then intend to divorce her mother to be with your AP. I'm sorry, not buying it. Not one bit, though I am sure that is what you are telling yourself. A man could happily screw anything in a skirt, but when it comes to reproducing, he SUBCONCIOUSLY picks the absolute best mate he can find. It is evolutionary, it's primal, it's on your DNA encoding. It says, you still RESPECT and ADMIRE your wife in that you want to make another baby with her. Please find a counselor and discuss this. Do it now. If your spouse had the time to pay you half the attention Lynne does, I think you'd stay put. You have some unresolved issues here my friend. Figure them out before you pull the plug on your marriage and your family. Please get to counseling. This is some interesting stuff, Spark. Do you have any references that the OP or anyone could check into if they wanted to learn more? I think you are on to something though. OP, at least think about what Spark is saying and maybe explore this further.
fooled once Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 As the mom of an only child, let me tell you that my kid is just fine nit having a sibling And I sure as heck wouldn't have used my ex husband as a sperm donor when I decided to divorce him. You seem to think you would get custody and you expect your wife to pop out another kid right before you dump her. Nice guy. FYI your wife may very well get custody and if Liz ever divorces, which I doubt she will, your daughter will have 2 step siblings. Or you and your soul mate could adopt? How do you plan to financially support your one child when you have no income?. Why drag your wife through another year of you being a cheater, let het know now younare boffing Liz so she can decide her own future! Take your education and find a job instead of having sex with another mans wife.
jwi71 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 [scene opens at cozy romantic Italian restaurant replete with candles and all] [We find our lovebirds having a romantic and intimate dinner together (paid for by JayjosephMN'ss hard working MD wife because JayjosephMN is himself unemployed) JayjosephMN: Oh my love, my truest love. I can't wait to be with you forever....:love: MOW: ...Oh my dearest, I can't wait to be with you forever too:love: JayjosephMN: You cut me off my love... MOW: <giggles> OH smoochy-pie , I'm so sorry...what were you going to say? JayjosephMN: I will file for D just as soon as I get her pregnant again...ok? MOW: What the f_ck did you just say? I thought you weren't having sex with her just like Im totally not having sex with my H JayjosephMN: I don't want to have sex with her, really I don't...I mean, its not like with you baby...but... MOW: ...but what you azzhole. JayjosephMN: I have to because she can pregnant and you can't - I mean, she has all her parts ya know...and your parts are in a jar of formaldehyde somewhere. My daughter deserves to have siblings. MOW: What the hell do you think my kids will be? JayJosephMN, I gotta hand it to you man, you really know how to make a lady feel special.
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