fltc Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Guys(and gals), do the "details" make a difference when it comes to staying or leaving? No, the details make no difference at all, when she cheated she gave her heart, soul and body to someone else. ASAP after D-Day I'd: 1. See attorney, start divorce. 2. Throw her out of your home or you leave, ask attorney which. 3. Pretend she no longer exists, see her and/or talk to her only if needed for property settlement or if you have children and need to discuss them. 4. Do nothing that will get you in trouble with the law. 5. See number 4 again! My response to the unfortunately common, "But I love her" statement is No, you do NOT love her, you cannot love a cheating whore. You loved the woman you thought she was but she isn't that woman now and probably never was, you loved a fantasy woman who exists only in your mind.
Author dale_gribble Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Oh no... my resolve hasn't weakened at all. I'm not giving-in to ANY of her half-hearted advances- out of pity from my perspective. I just wanted to know if the details had any bearing for those that R'd, because there is no way I'm engeaing in anything with her from now on, that's for sure. Her sweet gestures just fall flat like a dead fish. I'm just so tired of dealing with this **** on a daily basis... I mean... I hardly speak to her at all nowadays. She tries to initiate conversation, but I just walk away. Now she asks if she could touch me or says something like "Can I get a hug?," I'll be like- "Um... NO." She'll start crying then, and I'll just leave the room. I wonder if she asked him the same thing while on they're little trysts. It pissed me off to no end thinking about **** like that- Whether she did things that WE did with HIM.
drifter777 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Oh no... my resolve hasn't weakened at all. I'm not giving-in to ANY of her half-hearted advances- out of pity from my perspective. I just wanted to know if the details had any bearing for those that R'd, because there is no way I'm engeaing in anything with her from now on, that's for sure. Her sweet gestures just fall flat like a dead fish. I'm just so tired of dealing with this **** on a daily basis... I mean... I hardly speak to her at all nowadays. She tries to initiate conversation, but I just walk away. Now she asks if she could touch me or says something like "Can I get a hug?," I'll be like- "Um... NO." She'll start crying then, and I'll just leave the room. I wonder if she asked him the same thing while on they're little trysts. It pissed me off to no end thinking about **** like that- Whether she did things that WE did with HIM. Ok, I get it. But why are you still living with her? I understand how angry you are and how much her betrayal hurts - I really do. I know you want the pain and drama to end but it's not just going to happen; you have to do something. Start IC or MC. Kick her out or leave yourself. You sound more and more like you want to reconcile with this woman and if that's what you want to do than get started. Tell her you love her and ask her if she is willing to work to repair your relationship. My point is that you have to do something in order to start healing so pick a path that feels right and get started.
Mr.Harris Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Ok, I get it. But why are you still living with her? I understand how angry you are and how much her betrayal hurts - I really do. I know you want the pain and drama to end but it's not just going to happen; you have to do something. Start IC or MC. Kick her out or leave yourself. You sound more and more like you want to reconcile with this woman and if that's what you want to do than get started. Tell her you love her and ask her if she is willing to work to repair your relationship. My point is that you have to do something in order to start healing so pick a path that feels right and get started. He doesn't need to ask her to do anything, neither does he need to do anything at this point but mourn over what happened. He'll start moving his feet when he feels he's ready.
Gotti25 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Rough. I bet she still has the OM on her mind while trying to reconcile with you. Be very careful someone like this is very very cold hearted & dangerous absolutely no respect for you I mean NONE. What she's doing to you emotionally at the end someone can get hurt. She is just trying to get everything back like it used to be thinking you would give in soo she can continue lying and ****ing the other guy. Be careful I would leave in a second.
Author dale_gribble Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 "He doesn't need to ask her to do anything, neither does he need to do anything at this point but mourn over what happened. He'll start moving his feet when he feels he's ready."- Ditto Mr. Harris. The house is in both our names, I'm not going anywhere just to so this DOUCHE-BAG can take over my possessions either. I'm biding my time right now... I'm done though. I just want to see her squirm a little.
Mr.Harris Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 "He doesn't need to ask her to do anything, neither does he need to do anything at this point but mourn over what happened. He'll start moving his feet when he feels he's ready."- Ditto Mr. Harris. The house is in both our names, I'm not going anywhere just to so this DOUCHE-BAG can take over my possessions either. I'm biding my time right now... I'm done though. I just want to see her squirm a little. Good man. So many folks here like to tell you to accept your cheater's crap and get over it and if you don't like it, tough luck. They're just bitter because they chose to stay with their own cheater. Keep up the good work.
drifter777 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 "He doesn't need to ask her to do anything, neither does he need to do anything at this point but mourn over what happened. He'll start moving his feet when he feels he's ready."- Ditto Mr. Harris. The house is in both our names, I'm not going anywhere just to so this DOUCHE-BAG can take over my possessions either. I'm biding my time right now... I'm done though. I just want to see her squirm a little. dale - how are you & how are things going?
RepairMinded Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I know my family senses something is wrong So tell them exactly what is wrong. In fact post it on Facebook. Publicly expose her for what she is and what she has done to you and your marriage. Destroy her false image once and for all. Think of ways to psychologically grind her under your boot heel. It might not do too much since cheaters are amazingly resilient, like little squiggly bugs that are very hard to crush even with a very big rock. But it might be fun to try.
Loni Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Dale, no offense but your words and your actions are not adding up. From the sounds of things it does not appear that you have children yet 5 months out you have not started divorce proceedings. The house is in both your names so either you can buy her out, she can buy you out or you sell it. You have already blown your option to use infidelity as grounds for divorce because when you stay in a marriage after disclosure it's called forgiveness in the eyes of the law. You have known for 5 months now and have done nothing but stomp your feet and shake your fists. I hope she works because if she doesn't you are probably going to get hit with alimony (unless you are fortunate enough to live where alimony does not apply). If you continue this cohab sadistic/masochistic path and truly have no desire to reconcile I have a feeling we will be reading about you on the news. I see a very real life version of the war of the roses happening here. If ever there was a person who needed to get counseling it is you my friend. My advice to you is to get out of that house because by law you cannot kick her out and you are like a tea kettle on high boil with a cork in it. By the way if you think you are angry now wait until she gets tired of this continued passive aggressive stuff, decides to say sod it and either goes back to her AP or finds a new one which you can pretty much guarantee she will feel totally justified this time.
Glinda Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Maybe if she got a new AP she would GTFO that much quicker. Dale, what you see as her twisting in the wind is her being allowed to continue the charade longer. Stop that immediately. What you consider is torturing her is actually allowing her to stay in the home and do nothing but be sorry for herself. Right now, you are enjoying seeing her hurt. You think she's getting a taste of her own medicine, correct? I'll assume she did not confess and the A ended because she got caught? She's not sorry for what she did, she is sorry she got caught. You are allowing her to not have to face the true consequences. In the meantime, you are only hurting yourself by letting the charade continue.
Kidd Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Dang, Dale. Feel sorry for you, bro. I know you'd never choose my path but I hope you find a way to move yourself forward. This wasn't your fault and you're punishing yourself even while you're punishing her. After I told the OMW, their house was for sale within two days. This can't be healthy for you and yeah, when she gets fed up, we'll see you on the news. There is a life for you on the other side of this but not if you stand still.
What_Next Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Dale, when are you going to file? Why prolong this misery?
scarlett27 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 its her loss dale even though u cant see that now , u want someone who adores u and loves and can only think of u , not some rat that puts it around - im not suprised ur angry your human , be dignified shes a fool
YellowShark Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I know I've been posting on other threads, while not updating my status. I've pretty much ended all communication with her. We're just co-habitating at this point. I can see the frustration in her face about me being totally oblivious to her existance. She's tried initiating conversation, only to see me walk away without so much as a word. At one point she cornered me in the hallway and pleaded for me to say something to her- "Just talk to me... call me a slut... a whore... anything, just talk to me." I just laughed. At this point, I'm just done. It might sound cruel to some of you but I'm just letting her twist in the wind for a while before I drop the D bomb on her. She leaves her phone right there in the open, as if to tell me that I can check all her activities, but I really don't care anymore. I'm totally apathetic to her now. She still makes US dinner on occasion, but I don't eat at home anymore. Its not a "home" anymore; just a house now with meaningless belongings. She could have them all for all I care. I actually moved downstairs to the guest room... took of my wedding band and all. I don't know why she keeps hers on... maybe to put up an act to her co-workers or family. I've pretty much receded into a little bubble where I feel quite safe for now. I know my family senses something is wrong, but are afraid to ask. That's the situation guys. Good for you Dale. Nice to see a man being A MAN! My EX tried to hug me after we closed our joint account and were standing outside the bank. (She cheated on me with a good-married-friend, now EX-friend), and I stopped her dead in her tracks and pushed her away. I said to her, "This is the last time in your life you shall hear my voice," and then I turned and walked away. FELT GREAT!
Loni Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Good for you Dale. Nice to see a man being A MAN! My EX tried to hug me after we closed our joint account and were standing outside the bank. (She cheated on me with a good-married-friend, now EX-friend), and I stopped her dead in her tracks and pushed her away. I said to her, "This is the last time in your life you shall hear my voice," and then I turned and walked away. FELT GREAT! Exactly how is that being a man?
YellowShark Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Exactly how is that being a man? By standing up for what's right and not being a wimpy, snivelling, needy, doormat to a cheating woman.
Woggle Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 By standing up for what's right and not being a wimpy, snivelling, needy, doormat to a cheating woman. Very true. It's never allowing anybody to walk all over you.
Loni Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 By standing up for what's right and not being a wimpy, snivelling, needy, doormat to a cheating woman. That's not standing up. Standing up would be taking some action and I see no action here. More importantly, his wife sees no consequences. All he is doing is giving his wife time to get her ducks in a row and you can bet she is. It's been 5 months for the love of god. I am sure she felt guilt at first but his lack of action and his treatment of her is going to give her justification for her behavior and rob him of his dignity in the end.
Loni Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 "All he is doing is giving his wife time to get her ducks in a row and you can bet she is." No, I'M getting MY ducks in a row. Guys, before this gets to be another threadjack like Kidd's- its not going to work. I do appreciate all the advice I'm getting, but it comes down to what I want do. I am currently seeking legal counsel and taking steps to cover my ass just in case she tries to make it difficult for me in the end. I'm also seeking permanent alternative living quarters, so when I make my move I don't have sleep on someone else's couch like a slouch- I can handle my own affairs(probably not a good choice of words). The reason I haven't outed her yet is that I'm not gone yet. How can I "out" her and have people saying "he's still there though." When it comes, I'm gonna give the details for the end of my marriage in text and just press send to ALL my contacts(family, friends, aquaintances). I don't do they Facebook thing, as I don't have an account- never really took to it. Anyway, when the bomb drops, I'm gonna be ridin' it like Slim Pickens- ALL THE WAY BABY! What many of you guys think is that I'm sitting at home just pondering- I got a job people that requires my attention. I've got responsibilities from that standpoint. I worked very hard to get where I am, and I'm not going to lose that too. I'm just a methodical man, thats all. Everything will fall into place- BELIEVE THAT. Thanks for listening guys. OK then. Be prepared for looking like the most pathetic dude on the planet and fodder for laughter and jokes for the foreseeable future. It will be guess what Dale texted me? I would advise against that one. I had that done to me as the OW by a wife gone wild. It was the source of snickers for several weeks about that crazy wife. Years later it still comes up as "remember when she went apesheetz?" I know it hurts but people do not care except to spread you personal stuff around and go man, that dude has really lost it.
Loni Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hey Loni. I kinda' get what your saying, but now you're just barkin'. No, I am not barking. I am trying to talk to some sense into you. Payback (if that is your plan) is best served rationally not angrily. You have every right to be angry and there is no disputing that. My fear is that the high fives you have been getting is going to encourage you to do something that will not ultimately be in YOUR best interests.
RepairMinded Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Anyway, when the bomb drops, I'm gonna be ridin' it like Slim Pickens- ALL THE WAY BABY! You are referring to his role as Colonel Kong in "Dr. Strangelove" when he rode the atom bomb dropped from a B-52 all the way down to a nuclear holocaust. That was a suicide mission. You might want to re-think things a little bit.
RepairMinded Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 ^You guys read WAAAAAAAY too much into things. Your overanalyzing, bro. Not at all. You used that particular reference/analogy, so you obviously saw the movie, "Dr. Strangelove," from which it was derived. Maybe you just didn't remember the very end wherein Slim Pickens' character rode that A-bomb straight into a mushroom cloud. But I doubt it. I think you meant exactly what you said.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Dale got banned. How's John Redcorn? Sometimes I think it should be like the old days when someone betrayed you or disrespected you on a big level, you just went out and killed them and vengeance was served. Now it seems as if the evil dooers have all the rights. I dunno, cycle of vengeance and all that...
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