dale_gribble Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I'm 5 months out from my wife disclosing that she has been cheating on me for almost 2 years with a mutual friend. I am so ****ing angry, I can't even bear to look at her anymore, let alone be in her presence. I don't know if I can take this any longer- just want to die.
Wandaland Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 You weren't blind. You just trusted her and she took advantage of it. Does she feel guilty or ashamed for what she did to you? Was there any problems in your marriage? Did you beat up the guy she screwed with?
YellowShark Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Don't beat yourself up Dale. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. My EX was cheating with a very close mutual friend too. He was not only a good personal friend, but a neighbor too. And even worse, he is married and had a pregnant wife at home who's baby shower my EX was slated to host. Talk about sick and toxic. The both of them are really evil people. So ya, it hurts like he'll to have two people close to you throw you under a bus. It nearly killed me. Even now a year later I still have the occational nightmare and sometimes feel so angry and hurt. But now they are gone, and good riddance, if they can do this to the people closest to them then they are capable of anything. I am happy nowthat they are out of my life and no longer a threat to me. On the bright side she may have dumped you, but she dumped you into a HUGE pool of eligible women! Chin up buddy!
bentnotbroken Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 It hurts like hell...we do understand. I felt the same way. You aren't alone.
g450 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Yep, I have the same T-shirt. Take heart that it will get better with time. This is the really rough part. Lawyer up and stand your ground. I still have trust issues with women in general but Im dealing with that in a possitive way right now. Good luck to you. Come here or seek out friends and family when it starts to overwhelm you.
Spark1111 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I'm 5 months out from my wife disclosing that she has been cheating on me for almost 2 years with a mutual friend. I am so ****ing angry, I can't even bear to look at her anymore, let alone be in her presence. I don't know if I can take this any longer- just want to die. Ok, you are still there so I have to assume you love/loved her and wanted to give her a second chance. Time does not heal all wounds, what you do with that time is what heals all wounds. You had the terrible double whammy; your spouse and a good friend. We all empathize with how devastatingly painful that is. Let me ask: What have you both done to heal from this? Is she truly remorseful and transparent? Do you have access to all her passwords to her cell phone, email accounts, etc.? Has she gone No Contact (NC) with her former affair partner? Are you both in individual counseling (IC)? Have you scheduled marriage counseling (MC)? Do you talk about it as often as you need to? Did she answer all your questions? Put together a timeline of events for you? Learn how and WHY she crossed that boundary? Did you both establish firm boundaries for your marraige and what to do to enforce them? I understand how much courage it takes to reconcile. And sometimes, the WS remains the biggest trigger there is....for a long, long time. If you cannot forgive her, or work towards forgiveness, then cut your losses and cut her free. Reconciliation is not for the faint of heart. But what are you both doing to rebuild your new relationship?
YellowShark Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Take heart that it will get better with time. It does get better with time. Although I must say the first 6 months after I caught them red-handed I was never in a blacker place in my life. I seriously felt like ending it. I know how dale feels. The pain is crippling when it's two people really close to you. That's the damage they did to me psychologically. So wrong on so many levels. But the truth set me free. And you're free now Dale. If you are feeling overwhelmed please go speak to a therapist. They'll talk you off the ledge, and give you the tools to cope with the poison your wife and ex-friend injected into your life. I know. Good luck.
Bryanp Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Well you wife had been screwing another man behind your back, putting your health at risk for STD's and making a complete mockery of your marriage. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would have stayed with you? What possessed her to finally tell you the truth? In addition, the problem is that your wife is such a good liar and has been able to play you for a complete fool for 2 years; how in the world would you ever be able to truth her in the future? She clearly knows how to fool you completely so really what is the point? I would suggest you get tested for STD's and find a good attorney to know your options. I wish you luck.
Author dale_gribble Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Thanks for the support fellas. The double betrayal is the worst. I can't take her back now- I know that. The pain is just too much. She begs and pleads for me to reconcile, but I'm not giving in. Right now we're just cohabitating. She tries to engage me, but my biggest trigger is HER. I tried getting a hold of POS, but the coward doesn't answer. I'll settle my debt with him soon though. The **** that's been taking place since is pretty ****ed up. She is totally scared of whats gonna happen. Her apology just seems so vacant and hollow. Just to hear her voice angers me to no end. Every time she tries to touch or talk to me, I recoil and give her the nastiest look. Shark, I read your thread- OMFG! I think I think I would have torn him limb-from-limb right there and then. You say they are still going at it? JESUS... the ****ing nerve. The wife is in total denial right now- What a dumbass. She deserves it. Again thanks for the support. I'll give a little more backround in later posts. Enough for now.
YellowShark Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Thanks for the support fellas. The double betrayal is the worst. Absolutely. I helped the douche who was cheating with my EX with his business many times. My son cut his lawn. He and his wife and my EX and I shared birthday parties, camping trips, dinner parties. And *still* the scumball threw me under a bus to get-it-on with my EX... while his pregant wife sat at home! How damn toxic and sick is that? So ya, the double betrayal is crippling. Two people very close to me cheating behind my back. People I supported and helped. So wrong on every level. I feel your pain Dale. Shark, I read your thread- OMFG! I think I think I would have torn him limb-from-limb right there and then. It took every ounce of self-control not to rip him and her to shreds when I caught the in-the-act in my own home while my son and I were sleeping inside. Trust me, if I wouldn't have gone to jail for assault I would have crippled the guy for life, I am completely capable of it. Instead I was out the door with my son and belongings within 96 hours. Haven't spoken to either of them for 1 year now. And good riddance. Again thanks for the support. I'll give a little more backround in later posts. Enough for now. The main point is don't give her any more power. Especially the power to ruin your life anymore. Blackhole her, move on, and go NC. My visualization is I am a submarine hiding under the North pole observing radio silence. No matter what, my EX will never hear my voice again as long as she lives. Good luck, stay strong. Move forward and don't look back.
John Michael Kane Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 (edited) Please divorce her. For now be angry but don't do anything that could land you in jail because your cheating wife will take advantage of that. Let it all out on her if you have to. File, separate bank accounts and talk to your lawyer so you can protect yourself legally. Her apologies are crap because she's been cheating for a long time, and no longer cares about the marriage. It would be beneficial universally to start over with someone who will never do this to you. You don't want to stay with her for years trying to find ways to get the images out of your head. Edited May 26, 2011 by John Michael Kane
jnj express Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Forget the other guy---he ain't worth your time---your beef is with your wife What was so wrong with your mge- that your wife needed to have a 2 yr A.---Sounds more like her being selfish, and she just wanted to play on the side She isn't gonna find it much fun, in the big wide world, if you D., her as she will have the tag, of single divorced woman, or mother with kids, if that applies, WHO CHEATED ON HER H.-------that label isn't gonna get her any kind of decent guy---she will end up most of the rest of her life, with guys who are worthless like herself-----but she made her bed, let her sleep in it!!!!!! She will also have to do everything, that used to be done as a married couple, she will have to do for herself,---and she might just have to work 2 jobs, just to make it financially----her future life doesn't look so great to her----and her POS, lover, sure isn't gonna take care of her----SHE WILL REGRET WHAT SHE HAS DONE, EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE Just stand tall, and be firm, make sure EVERYTHING YOU DO, IS BASED ON WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU
Author dale_gribble Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 So I guess I'm pretty much done. I can't go on with this anymore. The mind-movies are exhausting. I found out she swallowed his cum a couple of times, and that just did me in. I thought she only did it for me. I don't even wnat to know if she gave him anal either- taht would probably send me on a tear with bodies being left in the wake- SERIOUSLY. Do some of you feel that the sex acts involved were the breaking point? I mean how could you go back to the same thing after finding out such things. There is no way I'm touching her ever again- EVER! She cris all the time now saying how much she loves me, but how could that be when she's eating his cum, then coming home to kiss me with that mouth. I'm soooo angry right now, I think I'm gonna pass-out from the stress.
Bryanp Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I agree with everything that you are saying Dale. Another huge problem was that she was so good at lying and cheating on you for 2 years with a mutual friend. She is clearly outstanding in being able to lie and cheat on you for two years without you knowing. How could she even say she loved you after doing this for two years to you? In addition, the fact that you had no clue says a great deal again about how proficient she is in lying and cheating on you. The fact that she could have sex with this guy and come home and be with you is horrible. I do not know how you have not kicked her out yet. Please see a competent attorney. Your wife is a real piece of work.
fltc Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 1. See attorney, start divorce. 2. Throw her out of your home or you leave, ask attorney which. 3. Pretend she no longer exists, see her and/or talk to her only if needed for property settlement or if you have children and need to discuss them. 4. Do nothing that will get you in trouble with the law. 5. See number 4 again!
drifter777 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 So I guess I'm pretty much done. I can't go on with this anymore. The mind-movies are exhausting. I found out she swallowed his cum a couple of times, and that just did me in. I thought she only did it for me. I don't even wnat to know if she gave him anal either- taht would probably send me on a tear with bodies being left in the wake- SERIOUSLY. Do some of you feel that the sex acts involved were the breaking point? I mean how could you go back to the same thing after finding out such things. There is no way I'm touching her ever again- EVER! She cris all the time now saying how much she loves me, but how could that be when she's eating his cum, then coming home to kiss me with that mouth. I'm soooo angry right now, I think I'm gonna pass-out from the stress. My friend, I wish I could help ease your hurt. I can't do that, but I can tell you that right now is the worst and things will get better if you are willing to do some work of your own. Yes, the porn movies staring your wife & OM are the worst. I still nearly vomit when they come crashing into my head. Remember: you cannot undo what your wife has done. Accept that and work on the one thing you can control - yourself. Find a counselor you can see right now! Go spend some face-time with someone that can guide you through this horrible time and be there for you. You need to cry & scream & get this poison out of you before it makes you do something you will regret. Also, you must split from your wife. If she will not leave than pack some stuff and get out yourself. You cannot allow more of her poisonous venom in the form of tears and apologies to warp your thinking. Sit down with that counselor and make a plan that will carry you until your next visit. Maybe you want to see a lawyer or talk with your family - start doing the things you need to do to heal. Remember that when you take action it will empower you and make you feel less like a victim. Again, I'm so sorry for the pain your wife has caused you.
What_Next Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Dale, I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said here. I honestly feel you have made the right decision. Some might say adultery is a black and white issue, but I do not agree and think there are degrees and situational factors at play. What she did and the way she betrayed you (with a 'friend') and for the length of time she did is something many of us would never be able to get beyond. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you. Try not to let your anger and rage drag the divorce process into the mud though, as hard as that might be. Deep down you know the quicker and more efficient the process is the better off you will be. The quicker you can rid this from your mind the quicker you'll begin the healing process.
Mr.Harris Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Dale, lots of women are like your wife--they pretend to be faithful and "good" but are actually cum-gobbling cheating skanks just like your wife. You are not alone. Exactly. Leave this farce of a woman. She will only continue to deceive you like she's been doing for the past few years with another man, if not with your "mutual friend."
silktricks Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 1. See attorney, start divorce. 2. Throw her out of your home or you leave, ask attorney which. 3. Pretend she no longer exists, see her and/or talk to her only if needed for property settlement or if you have children and need to discuss them. 4. Do nothing that will get you in trouble with the law. 5. See number 4 again! And that includes hiding assets. Don't do it as that will only put you in the wrong with the law. Terminate the marriage as quickly as you can. Take care of yourself.
Author dale_gribble Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Guys(and gals), do the "details" make a difference when it comes to staying or leaving? I stopped asking after that revelation. How did some of the`other BS's here react over hearing such things?
bentnotbroken Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Guys(and gals), do the "details" make a difference when it comes to staying or leaving? I stopped asking after that revelation. How did some of the`other BS's here react over hearing such things? The details helped seal my resolve to file for divorce. I might have changed my mind (because of several issues) if those details didn't play in my head. I also have a pretty vivid imagination. So for me the details left nothing to add, hence an ending. But you certainly have to do what is best for you to leave with and whatever is easier for you to heal from.
Bryanp Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Dale I am just amazed. What made your wife think that you would still want to be with her after she has been screwing your good friend behind your back for two years? I mean why would she think anybody would wish to stay with a person that with engage in such an enormous double betrayal for such an extended time period? Does she really think that you are that much of an idiot?
drifter777 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Guys(and gals), do the "details" make a difference when it comes to staying or leaving? I stopped asking after that revelation. How did some of the`other BS's here react over hearing such things? dale: it sounds like your resolve is weakening. That's why I advised you to put some physical distance between yourself and your wife as your heart is broken and you want the pain & drama to end and it is tempting to just suck it up, hope things get better with time and then take her back. This kind of response is understandable because of the trauma she has put you through but it is simply denial and delaying the firestorm of emotions that you are trying to compartmentalize right now. Have you seen a counselor yet? Are you doing anything that you truly believe will help you with your ultimate recovery? I'm not saying it is not possible for the two of you to reconcile, but I am saying that if you take the easy path of trying to understand and trying to forgive and hoping that time will pass and magically heal your hurt you are sadly mistaken. Her betrayal will eat at you. The porn movies in your head will make you sick, angry, and will not magically dissolve with time. Get away from her and begin counseling as soon as possible. This is pretty much what everyone is telling you - and we've all been there and have first-hand experience with what you are going through. I understand your reluctance because it's scary to be on your own and all of us are afraid of a major change in our lives. What you must realize is that your relationship with your wife is dead and it needs to be buried. You should mourn by yourself in your own way and begin the healing process free from the natural temptation to "get back to normal". If you do not do this, you are condemning yourself to a miserable, spiteful life filled with anger, resentment and shame for what this woman did to you. Be strong now while you still have a chance for recovery.
reboot Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Guys(and gals), do the "details" make a difference when it comes to staying or leaving? I stopped asking after that revelation. How did some of the`other BS's here react over hearing such things? I never asked for details.
Maladjusted Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Guys(and gals), do the "details" make a difference when it comes to staying or leaving? I stopped asking after that revelation. How did some of the`other BS's here react over hearing such things? I'm not sure. For me, I didn't believe the details I was given were even true or they were seriously downplayed.
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