hearttopieces Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) Hello everyone, So I have been here for a while, and really enjoy reading your stories. It sounds bizarre, I know, but it gives me this strange feeling of not being alone. Anyway, this is what is happening to me right now. I just got home from (ex-) BF's place. What can I say, I am 30 years old, but he was my first true love. I guess a few months ago I just realized one day that he doesn't love me the way I love him. Of course I tried to convince myself it is not true... You know, when you do know that your relationship will end, but still keep hoping... And you cry and cry for days, but then when you see him you fall in love with him again and again. The last 2 months have been extremely hard - for both of us. I broke up with him and told him I can't see him anymore. It hurt like hell, but I just decided I couldn't do this anymore. But he acted as if nothing happened, kept calling me and texting me every day for about 2 weeks. Then his birthday came and I asked him out. I know that made him happy, because he has been dealing with a lot of stress lately and needed a day out. We ended up sleeping together that night. I do not regret it, because after suffering so much we shared an amazing last "session" together. I broke up with him again recently and again he acted as if nothing happened. This time he was going on my nerves, because I realized we are not moving forward, and he doesn't keep contacting me because he really wants me back... As he doesn't love me... I know that. He doesn't love anyone, juts himself. He kept calling and calling... And today, well today I was finally able to tell him clearly that I need to move on and I want NC. Then, what happened was really strange. He basically said we have to stay friends. And we should go out together sometimes. I know he really meant it. He even suggested a day to see each other "as friends". And as he was saying that, I realized it was not possible, and I just wanted NC. So I told him I will let him know when I am ready. I think he was really surprised by me asking for NC. Then he played the 'everything is your fault' card. And that I should have known what I was getting into. What a handsome lying little bastard. Anyway, the bottom line is: 1. I know he is/was not in love with me, and 2. I really feel good about NC already... It hurts like hell obviously, but it does feel good to know I have some sort of closure... God, I hope he respects my decision and does not contact me. I know in just a few minutes I will probably burst out crying like a baby and will be checking my phone for messages... I know I will not contact him, as long as he does not contact me. It is hard to believe we are no longer. Thank you for reading. Edited May 24, 2011 by hearttopieces
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