JaneyAmazed Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 So I see xOM at a stoplight today. I don't think he saw me. I'm happy to say I turned right and never looked back. My H is my prize now.
East7 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 So I see xOM at a stoplight today. I don't think he saw me. I'm happy to say I turned right and never looked back. My H is my prize now. Not sure what you want to say with this post but your xOM has his life and you are still wondering about him (what if he saw me, what if I turned ...) Your H is your prize ? Why do you think you had to win him ? I have my little idea: I guess he neglected you before the A and you were so desperate about his attitude and wanted to get his attention that you looked for love elsewhere. Now that the A made him totally change towards you, you feel that you "won" him back.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 Not sure what you want to say with this post but your xOM has his life and you are still wondering about him (what if he saw me, what if I turned ...) Your H is your prize ? Why do you think you had to win him ? I have my little idea: I guess he neglected you before the A and you were so desperate about his attitude and wanted to get his attention that you looked for love elsewhere. Now that the A made him totally change towards you, you feel that you "won" him back. Nah East. I was just saying that I realize what a gift I have now. I thought it was really weird to see xOM two days after my H did. Nothing more, nothing less.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 You need to stop thinking about him and stop reinforcing his memory in your mind. Every time you post about him you are reinforcing his memory in your mind. If this ever happens again--inadvertent contact--put it out of your mind, don't think about it at all, and don't post about it. Depending on your agreement with your husband, you might tell him about the fact that you inadvertently saw the xOM today and then posted about it at Love Shack, this might count as "contact." I told my H as soon as it happened. Look, I posted that because I was proud of myself for not waving or paying attention to him at all.I thought I could come here to post about anything that's on my mind. Also it's easier said than done to put things out of your mind. My husband can't put my affair out of his mind and neither can I. We don't dwell on it, but it's a part of healing.
Snowflower Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Do I understand this correctly, your daughter and husband saw the xOM at a stoplight a few days ago and then you saw the xOM at a stoplight today? Is he always waiting at stoplights or what? All kidding aside, this sounds like an issue that you and your H need to discuss together, perhaps in MC. You could end up next time face-to-face with xOM-or your husband could-at a restaurant, store, concert, you name it. How will you handle that type of situation.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 Do I understand this correctly, your daughter and husband saw the xOM at a stoplight a few days ago and then you saw the xOM at a stoplight today? Is he always waiting at stoplights or what? All kidding aside, this sounds like an issue that you and your H need to discuss together, perhaps in MC. You could end up next time face-to-face with xOM-or your husband could-at a restaurant, store, concert, you name it. How will you handle that type of situation. We live in a small town and xOM is a cop. He's always at a stoplight - or in traffic. I'm just surprised it took this long to run into him, but so weird how it happened two days later! I really didn't want to see him at all. It hurt to see him. I'll be so glad when the day comes that I see him somewhere and it doesn't hurt. I'm looking forward to that day. After I told my my H, he thanked me but said he didn't want to talk about it all. He sees no point in talking about it, and I respect his wishes. He's right though, what good does it do? It just puts our minds on him again.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 Nah East. I was just saying that I realize what a gift I have now. I thought it was really weird to see xOM two days after my H did. Nothing more, nothing less. Actually I lied about the nothing more, nothing less East. I just started a thread about being honest. I'm just hurting and wanted to be a smart***. Sorry Have you ever hurt so bad you don't know what to say or think anymore. That's sort of where I'm at right now.
MorningCoffee Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I told my H as soon as it happened. Look, I posted that because I was proud of myself for not waving or paying attention to him at all.I thought I could come here to post about anything that's on my mind. Also it's easier said than done to put things out of your mind. My husband can't put my affair out of his mind and neither can I. We don't dwell on it, but it's a part of healing. Hey Janey, pay no attention to certain posters who just like to see if they can get a rise outta ya. You're doing well!
East7 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Actually I lied about the nothing more, nothing less East. I just started a thread about being honest. I'm just hurting and wanted to be a smart***. Sorry Have you ever hurt so bad you don't know what to say or think anymore. That's sort of where I'm at right now. There was nothing purposely mean/harsh in my post. I was trying to analyze what "H is a prize" means to you. My xMW has gone through some of the stages you are going. Sometimes she would confess me about how she would break the NC and tell me how she was feeling in the withdrawal period. So I can imagine what you are experiencing/feeling. No intention to be mean, I really try to understand
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 There was nothing purposely mean/harsh in my post. I was trying to analyze what "H is a prize" means to you. My xMW has gone through some of the stages you are going. Sometimes she would confess me about how she would break the NC and tell me how she was feeling in the withdrawal period. So I can imagine what you are experiencing/feeling. No intention to be mean, I really try to understand Thanks East. Seeing xOM's face for the first time in almost 5 months was something I wasn't ready for. It did reassure me that NC has been a very good choice. I don't know how people can go LC and not be emotional wrecks. Today has been a better day. The emotions really do come in waves.
carrie999 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I told my H as soon as it happened. Look, I posted that because I was proud of myself for not waving or paying attention to him at all.I thought I could come here to post about anything that's on my mind. Also it's easier said than done to put things out of your mind. My husband can't put my affair out of his mind and neither can I. We don't dwell on it, but it's a part of healing. I don't see what you did wrong, particularly by posting here. I'm sure it's hard enough running into him without being criticized for seeing him and not saying anything or getting his attention as "contacting him" in some way.
carrie999 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Do you live in a really small town.. Or is this just ironic ? Maybe you would want to take an alternative route ? She mentioned that xOM is a cop in their small town, so he could be anywhere at any given time. There is no alternate route. And coincidence is not irony. It would be ironic if she said he was promoted to a desk job or moved out of town and she would probably not bump into him again, but saw him at a stoplight the same day.
2sunny Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 What are the chances????? i guess now you understand the chances are extremely likely that every few days you or your family should expect to see him in town.
carrie999 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 There was nothing purposely mean/harsh in my post. I was trying to analyze what "H is a prize" means to you. My xMW has gone through some of the stages you are going. Sometimes she would confess me about how she would break the NC and tell me how she was feeling in the withdrawal period. So I can imagine what you are experiencing/feeling. No intention to be mean, I really try to understand Fair question, and I didn't think to analyze that statement that way, but it's very different from that perspective. I think it's great that Janey has a newfound appreciation for her marriage, and is being completely honest with her husband about even just seeing xOM and feeling a little put off by it, despite not actually having any contact. This must be an extremely difficult time for both of them.
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 i guess now you understand the chances are extremely likely that every few days you or your family should expect to see him in town. Yup, depending on what shift he's on too. Less chances if it's an overnight shift, more chance if it's day or afternoon shift.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 i guess now you understand the chances are extremely likely that every few days you or your family should expect to see him in town. That's what's strange is that we hadn't seen him in four and half months (when I was still in the affair) and then all of the sudden we see him two days in a row. During the affair, he worked nights a lot. Maybe he still does. There's always a chance but I'm hoping it won't be too often.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 I don't see what you did wrong, particularly by posting here. I'm sure it's hard enough running into him without being criticized for seeing him and not saying anything or getting his attention as "contacting him" in some way. Thank you It was hard seeing him. I know how strong and focused I am now.
2sunny Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 That's what's strange is that we hadn't seen him in four and half months (when I was still in the affair) and then all of the sudden we see him two days in a row. During the affair, he worked nights a lot. Maybe he still does. There's always a chance but I'm hoping it won't be too often. when you no longer give it any thought when you do see him - is when you will be making progress.
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