ShoeGurl1973 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I'm currently at 2 months NC and quite frankly I feel like its starting to drive me crazy. It just doesn't feel natural to go from talking to and seeing someone everyday for 3.5 years to not at all. I'm starting to pull my hair out wondering how i am supposed to do this for the rest of my life. Are you guys feeling the same and if so, any ways to cope you can suggest? It's so hard hating someone so much yet missing them at the same time.
WTRanger Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Normally, NC is hard but it's even harder now that everyone is connected every step of the day. You are literally 24 hours a day connected to a person, so when you lose that you really hit the DT's hard. Right now, you are going through the same cravings a drug addict would so this is all normal. You are craving contact, which gave you a high. In fact, it's a true that when someone you care about contacts you your brain gives you a little shot of feel good and you get addicted to that. You just have to ask yourself, would you feel better if you were still in limbo land? What if you were still in contact and he was telling you all about his awesome new life, new girl, etc? As soon as you stop looking for the light at the end of the NC tunnel, it becomes easier to cope with.
Defeated Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Hey ShoeGurl, I too am in NC and I agree It's hard going. If you have the time and you read my post I think it depends on the situation. Are you the dumper or the dumpee? Was there cheating or was it a mutual thing? Either way, I think the whole purpose of going NC is to help to move on with other things in your life and eventually break out of the habit so you can see things more clearly. Ask yourself what could you gain from contacting him, would it change anything or would it just complicate things further. In these situations I think you can easily let your imagination run wild and the basis of getting over someone is to be able to control your thoughts which in turn control your emotions and actions. By contacting him, your only allowing more thoughts to enter the situation thus delaying the healing process. What do you think? It's a difficult one. I have tried to find your original post but quite new to this site.
Author ShoeGurl1973 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 Defeated - I am the dumpee. Here is my original post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t270358/ It wasn't mutual, but in hindsight I think I should have left him long ago. Too many red flags I overlooked.
radiodarcy Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 You just have to ask yourself, would you feel better if you were still in limbo land? What if you were still in contact and he was telling you all about his awesome new life, new girl, etc?. so true! i know what you mean, ShoeGurl abt it being so hard to be away from someone that you were in contact with every single day. the first three to four weeks of NC i nearly lost my mind. not being able to talk to someone i had talked to every day for the past two and a half years, felt like i was missing a limb. i had to practically sit on my hands to keep myself from picking up the phone and sending him a text or logging into IM to send him a quick message. and i admit - - i had a few slip ups where i did. but for the most part i was able to stay away largely in part because the last time i broke NC, i had the exact same thing happen to me that WTRanger described above. my ex started telling me about all the girls he was dating and all the cool stuff he was doing. it didn't help that he would (condescendingly) implore me to go out and do the same. when i asked him why it was so important to him that i go out and date he told me he was worried about me becoming a cat lady please! like there aren't worse fates that can befall me; like i don't know -- being strangled and left in a ditch somewhere; being struck by lighting; spontaneous combustion... anyway - - anytime i felt the urge to contact him i reminded myself of those unpleasant conversations and stayed away. i admit that i still miss him. but there's soo much more about him that i *don't* miss...
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