buzz1130 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 So I'm just gonna get right into it,I was with my gf for 2 1/2 years we've known eachother for 4 years,we fell deeply in love and practically had the future all mapped out.Until this one day at work I met this other girl who I messed around with.I continued to play around with my gf feelings thinking I was being smart.this went on for a month until she found out about everything.She immediately broke up with me and told me she wanted nothing to do with me and that she was moving on.That was in February.I finally got up enough courage to apologize for what I did and continued to express how deeply sorry and idiotic I was.She accepted the apology and we agreed to be friends again while she was dating this other guy,our feelings for eachother have slowly started to grow again an she has told me that she forgives me and knows I'm a good hearted person and that it would take time for her to somehow trust me enough to date me again.I accepted the fact that I hurt her and really wish I can take what I did back,I've been working so hard to gain her trust back,we hang almost every day,I give her permission to rummage through my phone,email,etc..she tells me she loves me and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me but continues to date this other guy.At this point things between us are going really good but my feelings keep mixing on me one day I'm happy the next day I'm upset.I really don't know what to do and would appreciate FEMALE input.I know about the whole CHEATERS WILL BE CHEATERS ORDEAL,but when I say it's only happened this one time an never again,I really do miss this girl and she tells me how much she misses me but it confuses me alot.I would really appreciate some feedback
ShatteredReality Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 If she wants to be with you then she needs to break up with her bf...otherwise she's doing to him what you did to her. Maybe reason with her that way? Do it gently though...tell her you can't prove anything to her while you're in limbo....you need to be able to be her bf to prove you're worthy of it. Also, if she's still hung up on you then she doesn't need to be staying with this other guy anyways...he sounds like a rebound. If you honestly want her back and plan not to cheat you'll have to keep the open door policy with her...but she has to be able to not hold your cheating over your head as well.
rayne05us Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I dunno...that's tough. She might not be able to trust you even though she still loves you. Obviously she doesn't want to give you all of her yet or maybe even ever. And you have to accept that...you can't force it. I mean you have a chance with this woman that most people don't have. How long have you been back together and when you give her permission to go through all your personal stuff.? If she does do that, she doesn't trust you. It's gonna take tiiiiiiiiiiiime and much patience. Even if she stayed broken up with you it would take a long time to get over. I I don't know if you've ever been cheated on, but relationship wise, it's probably the most painful (literally painful) thing you can go through and it literally crushes all of your self-esteem, security as well as many other things. The person goes back and forth thinking what they did wrong or what they couldve done better or different....it's huge. What you feel with this other guy being in the picture probably you get a taste, but it's nothing like finding out something is going on behind your back and knowing the person you love betrayed you. BUT, if you can show her that you have changed (which I hope you have) and that you understand what she is going through and be patient....REAAALLY get back a good foundation. Remember, just because she shares her love with you, you pretty much gotta start from scratch. But if you can have open, effective communication, patience, a good foundation, trust and support....and LOYALTY...then you may be able to save it, but it will not happen over nite.
MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 shes scared. you broke her trust and getting that back is nearly impossible. she's not in any position to tell you she loves you and if she wants to marry you then why on earth is she with this other guy? what you need to do...is this...tell her.. "Look I screwed up and I can't apologize enough. I messed up the most important thing in my life and that's you...I made a mistake that I will never ever do again. I want you back-I want us back and if you want the same, let's do this. Break up with that other guy and be with me. I know you're scared but I know that I will never hurt you again. But you can't keep punishing me....you can't keep telling me you love me and still date this other guy. I made a mistake and I'm sorry. If you can't forgive me then I understand and we need to end this". But only say it if you mean every word. I mean it. Do not lie to her. Only say what you actually mean. But i also dont think its fair that she keep punishing you for a mistake you made.
Lil1 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 (edited) Buzz to be honest with you, whatever you and your girlfriend had is gone. She won't be able to trust you again, at the first sign of insecurity she will cheat on you or leave you (most likely cheat to get revenge). What she's doing to her 'rebound guy' is soooo not cool. She should not be telling you the things she does if she is involved with someone else - do they have an open relationship? Does he know about you at all? How old are you guys anyway? Because no offense but this all sounds very juvenile... like high school stuff. If you both are still young (less than 21) I think that the best thing to do is to move on. Trust me, you will find a good girl who will love you just as much if not more (just don't cheat on her, but I think you have learned your lesson in regards to this). If you are older than 21 then there are bigger issues at play that you each need to work on individually, in which case you should take time to focus on yourself. Let her be, put yourself in her current man's shoes... you wouldn't want to be in his position being played for a fool would you? At this point, she is stringing you along and it's not fair to you (and obviously not to him either). Drop her like a bad habit and start a clean slate. Good luck! Edited May 25, 2011 by Lil1
Author buzz1130 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 Hey guys thanks for the input..to clear a few things up we broke away in February,we then immediately began speaking again on the situation just to get a feel on where we stood..we kept it strictly platonic just because I knew she was dating this other guy and wanted nothing to do with that situation,while she was dating him we were frequently hanging out since they really don't see eachother alot..to be honest I've given her permission to look through my phone for whatever she wants and she's told me that she appreciates my effort and dedication to turning over a new leaf..we recently went to see Hangover 2 and that's when she told me she went through the other guy phone and found naked pictures of other girls in his bed..she asked for my opinion and I came out honest and told her I was in no position to speak on it.She's currently in a limbo right now and says she needs to figure out what she's gonna do.I made sure to tell her that I'm serious about working things out.I can't believe I'm so strung on this girl I'm only 24 years old..lol..I just wish I could rewind time and thought my mistakes over..I'd definitely tell any of my friends that are thinking about cheating to not even attempt it because it really isn't worth it..once again thanks to everyone with their honest opinions I know some people say the trust is broken and that it isn't worth it trying to work things out but why not try atleast..if you don't risk you'll never know
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