foreverascone Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 So here is my tragic story: My Girlfriend who was madly in love with me, borderline obsession, would do anything for me. She would travel 3 hours every weekend and back to see me. I was the only thing she thought of when she woke up. She was even going to leave her friends and family where she lived to come down and live with me. I don't know if I was ever madly in love with her but she was so good to me, did everything to make me happy. I have had severe depression for about 3-4 years and I can be really irritable and bad to people who love me. I am not proud of the way I am but I am trying to get better. The past year things have gotten really bad, I came off anti depressants and didn't pay any attention to my depression. I felt pretty miserable all year and I took it out on the girlfriend and family. I felt like I didn't love her and had a lot of stress. About a month and a bit ago she started going out with one of her friends that influences her to have a "Backbone and be proud of being a slut" and I think she went along like that. They went out every Friday drinking till 4am and on the first night she met a guy she fancied. few weeks later she started to talk to him and and on one of these nights she kissed him while drunk. Turns out they spoke about me a lot and she told him about the whole relationship and even my personal problems wish was kinda hard to take. She told me about what she did while staying over hers for a week, I got angry, left her and went home. Her mum said she never cried so much in her life and shrieked. Her mum and dad both cried as well. I thought I could make it work and forgive her, when I got in, I just couldn't lose her I thought. So I phoned her up and spoke but she had been speaking to him a lot. She met him in town throughout the week and decided that she didn't want to be with me any more and wanted to be with him. She said that's what will make her happiest. She said she cant lose me as a friend and wouldn't even get rid of me after being horrible to her. She has been so angry at me whenever I spoke and so rude. So now a few weeks on and they are in a relationship and at first saw each other every day. Doing things that we done together and also telling me stuff they did together, of course I get angry and makes things worse and say horrible things. I blocked her and deleted her on everything and am trying to move on. I can't help but check things to see what she is doing though and I need to move on. It's very hard. Am very sad and angry. What do you think is going through her mind? Do you think their relationship will work? Any advice on moving on? Any stories similar to mine and if so how did they work out. Thanks for reading, sorry for the novel. Hope you can help me.
Mack05 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) This is a tough situation. I know I've been there, but the thing you have to do is listen to your feelings. You said it yourself "I felt like I didn't love her". I see what you are doing. I did it too. I was suffering from depression when I met my ex. I too felt deep down I didn't truly love her but I kept convincing myself it was the depression, it was my problems stopping me from loving her. I thought get yourself sorted and everything will fall into place and you will love her. I mean like she is beautiful, she is a nice person, so I kept saying this to myself. That was so DELUDED!. Before I had a chance to get my personal problems resolved and put 'my theory' into place she left me. She had every right to do so, but was quite nasty about it (she has Borderline Personality Disorder). When you are suffering from depression losing someone is ALOT to take. Even if you know deep down that you don't love them. Sometimes you feel they are your last chance of happiness. You are sinking and she has the lifejacket, but she won't throw it to you. Your not thinking clearly. There are 5 stages of grief (The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) and you are at the start. When you are at the start as I said above you don't think clearly, sometimes you do REALLY Stupid/Silly things..This is the hardest part of grieve. The truth is I have been in love before. When you are in love you just know it. If your gut instinct is telling you that you are not in love then you are not in love. It's nothing to do with depression. If was at 100%, I still wouldn't have fallen in love with my ex. I thought I was in love at one stage but that love was based on need and no love can survive based on need. Not only that it's not REAL love. As hard as this is you need to get yourself sorted. I was in love once and it's no concidence that I was never happier within myself during that time (7 years). The first thing to do is beat your depression and get yourself back 100%. Where there is no insecurity and you genuinely love yourself again. I went to Therapy for my depression and I have to say it has helped me enormously. When we feel good within ourselves we attract the right people and not only that we are ready to be good partners ourselves. It is a long tough road you have ahead. I won't kid you. The most impiortant thing is that you keep moving forward. Baby positive steps everyday. Doing the things you like and doing positive things that make you feel better about yourself (like going to the gym). Even if you take a step back, thats ok. Just don't let it be two steps back. Things I did also were write down short and long term goals and tick them off. Write letters that you NEVER send. Try go out with friends as much as you can. Go to places she hated and watch movies she didn't like. Forgive, let go, move on. It's VERY hard but you are going to come out of this a WAY better person. Lessons like this are hard to learn. But when we learn them we become better people. Looking forward is the way to go now. We have one shot at life, don't waste too much of it on things we can't change (no matter how much we wish we could). I wish you well buddy Edited May 24, 2011 by Mack05
Author foreverascone Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 I read what you posted. Some great words of wisdom there I will try and take it all in. Yeah your probably right about not actually being in love but I mean the life we had was pretty good. Better than I have at the moment. I have been visiting a Gym at the moment and improving my fitness, nearly 3 days a week, it's been good. Focusing on college work but just very hard to get her out my mind. Also when I get stressed or down I dwell on her. It's a shame now because the guy is a ex druggie and they go out drinking together sometimes twice a week till late. Getting drunk a lot. Funny because she used to hate the people who did that what a hypocrite.
Chi townD Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 You'll read on here time and time again. The best revenge you can have is to live a good life. Go to the gym, get fit. Do well in College. Get a good paying job. Buy a nice car and get an amazing "flat" or whatever. Get a townhouse! Take amazing trips. Sooner or later she's gonna check up on you (probably through others) and she's gonna see how well you're doing. Then, ex-druggie that only does the bear minimum to support his going out and drinking himself silly won't look so attractive anymore and she'll be the one kicking herself at what she lost.
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