Driving myself crazy

[havefaith12]

Hi all

 

Ive never been on a site like these or saught relationship advice because im generally a private person, but I've come to the stage where I need to vent out and seek advice on my situation and I was hoping someone could help ease my suffering.

 

I have been faithful to my girlfriend from day one (nearly three years) but during that time I have been caught up in some unlucky situations which has painted me in a bad light. Two seperate public situations have caused me to look like a cheat to my gf, which is understandable. The first was at a club and the second at a beach party, both of which was crowded with mine and her friends - possibly the stupidest places to attempt to cheat...

 

On each occasion girls suprised me and tried to kiss me.. at the club the one girl blindsided me as a dare from her mates (one of which I know, he apologised the next day when he heard the trouble it caused) and on the beach some random mate of my mate tried her luck because she was really drunk and thought it would be funny I guess.

 

As farfetched as both sound, I know myself I was faithful and I understand 110% why my gf does not believe me but on both occasions I was suprised and didnt see either coming.. both were pecks because I pushed them away as soon as they tried. The club occasion however was made worst by one of her friends caught sight of it, and maybe in a drunken state, or as a close friend (looking out for her mate by making sure she got rid of me) emphasised the facts saying I danced with her and tried to flirt with her.

 

An impossible situation to explain, I went defensive and though telling her the truth that I didnt see her let alone flirt with her, she did not believe me.. again understandable. In hindsight and from my girlfriends point of view, she probably gave me more patience and time than I would If it had been the other way around. Lack of leeway resulted in me lying to her by 'admitting' I 'kissed her back' even though it wasn't true. She eventually took me back and although I did nothing wrong I feel likecompared to my mate who has been caught cheating, he has gotten off lighter than I have. The reason for this is I guess that he is relieved because he was caught and guilty but still kept his girlfriend, wheras I am forced to live with this label though I am completely innocent. If I was caught cheating and went out to cheat I could at least remedy it by changing my actions These situations however have been out of my hands and unless I stop going to social gatherings where drink and idiots are involved I can not guarantee that another occasion will crop up.

 

I understand many relationships suffer glitches like this and that getting over them together and being open makes the relationship stronger, but I don't know If I can face anymore.

 

I am faithful and true to her, but its not enough for me to know and to just try and show her it, because no matter what I know there will always be that doubt in the back of her mind. There have been situations where I have been skeptical about her activities, but I know I trust her and I know shes faithful to me, yet when she says it to me I can not believe it, as these situations hang over my head, picking away at me. All I want is for her to know the truth and to know Im committed and faithful to her, the thought of her having any doubts as well as what she was put through kills me because shes had it from past boyfriends and shes such a unique person that she should not be put through that.

 

Basically Im not a selfish person but the thoughts and pain Im putting myself through worrying about what she believes is really starting to take its toll. I love her so much and I cant stand to think that she does not believe me. I have considered putting myself and maybe her out of misery by splitting up with her because I don't want this hanging over our heads, she says shes moved on but I know she hasen't because when I bring it up she gets upset which is understandable.

 

I just need an outside opinion on this matter and I do apologise for the essay, as you can see explaining these problems is not my forté.

I understand if I've bored/depressed you and Im sorry but if only one person gives me some advice it would mean the world, thanks very much in advance x

[Sabali]

I once was in a very similar situation. I was very faithful to a woman and the odds completely stacked up against me and it appeared as if I wasn't. What made it so much worse is that my ex's cousin claimed that she saw me and one of my buddies riding in a car with two women. It was a complete lie. It is worth mentioning that it was no secret that her cousin was attracted to me even though she was dating my best friend at the time. She would often compliment in a over-the-top fashion right in front of my friend and her cousin.

 

Well, my ex was down my throat relentlessly due to those false accusations and those unfortunate circumstances that looked like I was cheating. I simply was not. I was very into my ex at the time.

 

I gave up trying to defend myself from my ex's relentless onslaught of accusations and told her that since she thought I was being unfaithful, I did not want to continue the relationship. The following scenario I said that is one beast of a story that I won't even go into. It got really ugly!

 

You don't have much of another option. There is almost nothing you can say at this point that will turn the tide in your favor. Here is what I suggest that you do since the odds are impossibly stacked up against you.

 

Show her your post above. She will see that you poured your heart out here in your defense. She will also see that pouring your heart out is not some elaborate trick to show her that you have and always been faithful to her because she will see that I am the one who suggested that you show her your post.

 

You are a private man, anyway. Right? You are unlikely to use the site again so there is no risk of her coming to the site to see future posts by you since posting here is out of your character. Right?

 

She will know that I am not you since my posts show that I am clearly a red-blooded American and don't use words like "mate" to describe my friends.

 

Give it a try. You have nothing else to lose.