Cupiddd86 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) Hi All, The story begins; I met a girl online and we really hit it off. We spend talking for about a 6-8 months until I moved it up to a new level. I visited her in her country and we really connected, fitted each other perfectly. Things were going splendid, we really loved each other, no clouds in our sky besides the one we were on. We had some minor arguments but could always solve everything. Until the second time I visited her. We had a minor argument; I was jealous.. (I know a bad trait) Because I misheard her saying something about another guy. So things weren't looking so nice before my second visit, but I was determined to go and smooth things out. The second visit things were really weird.. she wasn't that close with me and I could sense something was up. After a tense couple of days and a phew arguments she told me she couldn't handle this anymore; that the arguments and the distance were taking its toll. I didn't really understand since we argued next to never and well the distance I knew and was prepared to move or whatnot. We ended breaking up but she still wanted to remain friends. For 1 week I remained her friend until I decided I couldn't handle it and broke all contact with her and told her for this to work I will need time. Almost 2 weeks after this NC she started contacting me telling me how much she missed me and how she made the wrong choice. After a couple of days I started talking to her and we were on our way to giving it a second chance. During the month of our second chance we had a lot of difficulties. I wasn't as warm as I used to be and she wasn't really putting as much effort as I was expecting. I was afraid to get hurt again by her so I chose to be indifferent on things. We had quite some talks on it and even some fights. Things were not going so smooth but it looked to go better after some talks. Until I made the mistake of calling her a liar. Or well basically she told me she was going somewhere and I read she was somewhere else. When she came home I asked her why she lied to me about this. She told me that it really hurt her that I just assumed that she was lying instead of just asking her what's up. Following this she broke up with me and everything fell to pieces. I didn't mean it like that but it was too late. She told me I was wasting my breath. I apologized and for a time I left her alone. Now I actually started talking to her and the situation seems changed. We've had some minor contacts; all very friendly conversations and both cheery and happy. After a while I decided to come clean and tell her that I really miss her. She told me it was really sweet and thanked me. I decided to let her have her time and space a bit more and didn't pursue it. Until I asked her if we could have a serious talk and she agreed to it. It was a very open conversation; I told her I knew she still loved me and when I did she asked me how I knew. After explaining why she told me that she indeed has feelings for me and still loves and it feels great talking to me. We are actually getting a bit more in our old rhythm. No lovey dovey stuff but she knows how I feel and I have been flirting with her some with smiles in result. The only answer she gave me was We'll see after our serious talk. I'm wondering though where this is heading. We went from "you're wasting your breath" to "we'll see" and from No Contact into fun talking with lots of smiles coming from her. I really want an answer from her; but I don't want to push it or force it. I WAS a bit needy in the beginning but I chose to accept and let her have her time. Now it feels things have changed somewhat but I'm a bit lost on how to proceed. I messed up; I want her back and I have the feeling she wants me back too. However if she really wanted me back.. wouldn't she have taken me back already? Or what's keeping her? What should I do? Edit: I send her a handwritten letter with lyrics included highlighting parts of the lyrics I felt relevant. She got it today and told me it was a lovely letter and it really touched her, thanking me. After that we had more then an hour talk about just normal stuff with the occasional flirt answered with a big smile. Thanks, C. Edited May 24, 2011 by Cupiddd86
Author Cupiddd86 Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 So it's now a couple of days after our serious talks and to my surprise she has been the one initiating contact. Yesterday I wasn't at my computer and when I came back she had send me a message saying: "not talking to me eh???". I have the overall feeling that this is really positive but whenever I put things a bit more romantic she either shuns it (topic change) or shoots it down OR she actually replies with a smile to the flirt. I'm not really sure what to think of all this. I'm guessing she might not want to be in a romantic relationship but rather a friendly one with me at the moment but i'm not sure how to proceed. Could someone give me some advice please?
DustySaltus Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I went through one of the most difficult periods of my life while in an LDR, so I think I can give you some insight but I have some questions. How old are you? How far away from you is she? How many times has she visited you? Can you honestly see yourself taking the next step with this girl? Meaning that you would drop everything where you are to be with her and have to rely on her for a period of time? Jealousy will end a LDR quickly. You have to get past that issue. However, you need to stick to NC with her because she made the decision. You have no control over her emotions. Sure, you may have "moments" of smiles and laughs, but a relationship is not always smiles and laughs...sometimes they can be extremely difficult....do you think that the both of you can get through that depsite the fact that it's an LDR and you really may not even know this person yet? Do not contact her under any circumstances so that you can begin the healing process for yourself. If you want to talk to her one last time and tell her that you need to heal and leave you alone, do so but that's it. If she comes to you and says she is willing to do whatever it takes to make it work...now you're back to square one. I think that you've only saw this girl twice and you've carried out a relationship mostly online and on the phone, correct? An LDR can only be successful if someone is willing to relocate within 6-12 months...otherwise, it's just a fairytale without the fairytale ending.
Author Cupiddd86 Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) Heya Dusty, I'm 24, she's 22. Distance wise we both live in Europe; she has visited me once and I her twice. We hit it off extremely well online.. and once we met in real life we were 100% intoxicated by eachother :s I was already prepared to take the next step.. Yes you are right it has been mostly skype/phone. Well currently we are broken up and she was SO mad at me that I left her NC for a while. But now we started talking again.. I put my cards on the table telling her I still have feelings for her. She told me she still has them for me as well but as to where this is going she told me "we'll see". We do talk and she is actively seeking me out; talking to me. I however want to know where this is going since this "We'll See" isn't working for me. But at the same time if affraid to push it since that will work wrongly I guess. Also sometimes she acts so weird like today she thanked me for my company.. I don't rly know how to take that.. Hope you can give me some insight.. thx Edited May 28, 2011 by Cupiddd86
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