Rea333 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 They say time's a healer... well I am feeling more and more distressed as the time is going on! I've done "everything" you're supposed to do - cut contact completely, accept he's never coming back, been to the gym loads, gone out with friends, had therapy, read numerous break-up books, spent time with my family blah blah blah but all I can think about is him. I guess the reason for this is that this week we were supposed to be going away for a group holiday. As they're his friends, he'll have gone still and all I can think about is is he missing me? Has he noticed I'm not even there? Considering it's mostly other couples, I wonder what he's thinking. I'm driving myself crazy with whats whys and ifs and the moment. Thought I was doing ok, but I feel so sad and missing him so much lately. More than ever. Thought I had my future all mapped out and it was unexpectedly and cruelly snatched from me. Now I'm feeling sorry for myself and in that mindset oh I'll never meet anyone again. Help please!
Andymack Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I feel like that 10 months on. I was starting to feel ok then I heard the news my ex is seeing someone else and it's put me back further than i have ever been. I wish I had done what you are doing now and just cut contact from the very beginning as you are always thinking there is always chance they may come back. That's certainly what I thought anyway and all it's done is delay the process. I was starting to feel ok and was out meeting women and have even had a couple of dates and this has just destroyed me all over again to the point where I can't think about anything else other than my ex, can't eat or sleep either. Believe me you are doing the right thing no matter how hard it is right now.
brokendreamz Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Hi Rea, sorry to hear your pain. I am 4 months out and am still on the emotional roller having done all I can to get over her. Some days are better than others and I am much further along than I ever thought possible. Try keeping a journal and look back on it from time to time to see the progress you've made - how ever small. I went away this weekend camping and had a hard time once the tent was up (that was my job then she would crawl in and make a little nest for us!!) Although this is the hardest thing I've had to contend with, I know that all the self improvement I have done will benefit me in the long run. This too shall pass. Take care X
Author Rea333 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 Thanks to you both for your replies. Andy, it's definately for the best the no contact thing. Even though I would desperately love to hear from him, I know unless he says I've made a huge mistake and I want you back, then any contact is pointless. I know nothing that's going on in his life. I deleted him, his friends and family and got my friends to do the same from FB. We don't live near each other and share no mutual friends (not ones that I would keep in contact with at least) I haven't texted, called, stalked or asked any of his friends and family about him because it's too painful. I'm assuming the worst - he's met someone else now, he's happy, he doesn't even remember our time together and then dealing with that pain, rather than supressing it. I'm just feeling woe is me and hoping I can meet someone else soon. They say age ain't nothing but a number, but it's harder the older you are. I've not had any interest since the split. I don't enjoy being single one little bit, but I certainly wouldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to or in to for the sake of it. Just hoping the right one comes along pretty soon, as I feel that's the only way I'll forget completely if that makes sense? I'm not talking about getting over someone by having a rebound, I'm talking from experience from a past break up - it took 18 months and I started to feel better and missed him only in small doses and then I met my current ex and bingo! - previous ex erased from my memory more or less...
Andymack Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 it took 18 months and I started to feel better and missed him only in small doses and then I met my current ex and bingo! - previous ex erased from my memory more or less... I know how this can work. I met a girl who I knew before (tho she couldn't remember me even tho i had met her about 5 times before!) and we got on like a house on fire the first time we met. We kissed and arranged for a date and everything was going well, texting and finding out more about each other. Went on the date and was really forgetting certain bit about my ex. I thought it went well and we were kissing at the end of the date but that was it so i started thinking more about my ex. The next part of the story will explain why you are doing the right thing by cutting all contact. I saw her photo on a mutual friends facebook and I started to get roped in again and trying to find her out and about (we kind of hang out at the same places). I saw her mutual friends and started to feel worse when they started talking about her. Then at the weekend I saw her and while I said hi to her i don't think she knew what to say and basically ran away. After speaking to her friends I found out she had been seeing someone. I had thought that this maybe the case, but nothing could prepare me for actually having it confirmed. Trust me, you are doing the right thing in not knowing nothing about your ex.
flyman Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 he doesn't even remember our time together and then dealing with that pain, rather than supressing it. Hi there, I understand how you feel. Deep inside you want the other person to feel sad and hurt, because it would tell you that the past relationship meant something for him. Whenever, you see that he's happy without you, it hurts a little. I remember thinking that, if she was sad because of the break up, it means that we could get back together but it isn't always true. Therefore, knowing that the person doesn't seem to remember your best moments should motivate you to move on. It's just a matter of time
jquest1280 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I guess the reason for this is that this week we were supposed to be going away for a group holiday. As they're his friends, he'll have gone still and all I can think about is is he missing me? Has he noticed I'm not even there? Considering it's mostly other couples, I wonder what he's thinking. I'm driving myself crazy with whats whys and ifs and the moment. There, see, you answered your own question. The reason you're writhing in pain is because you remember this group holiday you were supposed to have gone on. It's things like these that cause pain like that. You have done all the right things and by going NC. So just keep going....this memory will pass then you'll feel better....until you see/remember/meet someone/thing that calls back a memory of you ex. Then you'll feel bad again, so you bow your head, maintain NC and keep going forward. And you do this again and again and again, and with time the hurt gradually diminishes until it's gone. I know. I had been LC with my ex for more than 3 years already then, but whenever I saw him or a picture or hear a story about him, a shadow of negativity (call it depression if you like) would come over me, and it would be a few days before I could shake the feeling off and go back to normal. That was how it was eventually, but of course, in the months after the breakup I was like you, going mad and spinning with pain. I'm just giving you an idea how healing progresses. And reassuring you that eventually, you won't take as long as I did I'm sure, you'll break free of the pain and find happiness again.
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