eerie_reverie Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Living together before marriage is a sh*tty arrangement that accomplishes exactly the opposite of its billing: It adds artificial support to bad relationships that would've petered out had the lovers been kept at a greater distance. The first issue should be obvious: Living together adds immediate momentum to any relationship, making a hasty marriage more likely. But there's a passive flip side to that problem as well. Once you have all of your junk in someone else's apartment, sheer inertia encourages marriage. "Well, I guess things are going... okay... and I'm settled here... and... I'm not getting younger and..." I'm also receptive to the nut-up-or-shut-up argument from the female perspective: If I were a babe, and some manchild wanted to play house with me, I'd tell him to grow a sack and either commit to marriage or take a hike. I mean, seriously, WTF does wanting to just "cohabitate" say about his feelings for me? "Yeah babe I'm like, really into you and stuff but, uh, um, I'm not like, uh, *sold* yet you know? I gotta... uh... see how you pack your sh*t in cubbards and where you keep your panties before you wash them and... you know, deep sh*t like that." Ha. Ha. No. 99% of the time, a guy who just wants to "live with you" just wants easier access to your ass. Virtually any guy who is head over heels for a girl will readily accept the demand of no cohabitation before marriage. I wish I had a Benjamin for every dude I've known who "refused" to marry a girl before living with her, went through a string of worthless live-in arrangements, and then went to mush in the hands of some higher-class dame who told his ass it was going to be different with her. Each one just nodded along like a puppy on Valium. I love this!
sunshinegirl Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 My boyfriend and I moved in after 7 months of dating...and two weeks after he proposed. We knew we were going to spend our lives together by the time he gave his 30-day notice to his landlord. On a more general note, I've never really understood the 'need' to live with someone to figure out compatibility. I knew my boyfriend's habits well before we lived together, and I am hard pressed to identify anything significant about his character, values, or habits that I learned only by living with him.
OliveOyl Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I have only lived with one man, and that was my stbx. As I recall (this was a long time ago), my apartment roof was leaking and so we decided it was as good a time for us live together as any, and I moved in with him. I think we were about 8-9 months into the relationship. We got engaged about 3 months later. While it did feel like a big step, I don't remember learning any startling new things about him after I moved in.
alexlakeman Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I lived together with an ex gf after just 2-3 months... lasted 3 yrs, no issues.. Most recent, dated for about a year, I didn't make the "let's move together" move and the relationship died b/c of other reasons.. I should've discussed moving in, I was just procrastinating.. It's a toss up... the problem I see is if your leasing a larger place b/c now you are cohabiting, and the relationship fizzles, who's left on the hook with the lease.. PLUS who gets to be the dumper aka move out... I recommend he moves into YOUR place, that way you have the upper hand
Timmeh Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Do you realise a correlation between not living together before marriage and staying married longer does not mean one is the result of the other? People not living together before marriage will more likely be religious types, who tend to not divorce as often. If you take 2 random couples from the street, force 1 to live together and the other to live apart until marriage, the one that lived apart is not likely to stay married for longer. Quite the contrary imo, since those living apart will be in for surprises, some unpleasant, and that will put the marriage under alot of stress. Christians actually have a HIGHER rate of divorce than non-christians..... I don't think that is a good theory you have.
Miss Clavel Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Never live with a person until you're married. I just don't think it's a good situation for a woman to find herself in. And not because I don't believe that a woman can't protect herself financially. It's because, once you live with a man, you are off the market. If he can't or won't commit, then you should pay your own rent and explore the many many great men that will.
Timmeh Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Never live with a person until you're married. I just don't think it's a good situation for a woman to find herself in. And not because I don't believe that a woman can't protect herself financially. It's because, once you live with a man, you are off the market. If he can't or won't commit, then you should pay your own rent and explore the many many great men that will. What if he puts a ring on your finger? I honestly am not for or against moving in with your SO. I've never done it, and I don't know whether it's a good idea or a bad idea.
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