stupidgirlxo Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Why can't life be easy for us girls? And certainly, why can't the guys in our lives man up and stop being such bastards? PS: I know alot of people on this site are older than I am, (which is 18), but I find comfort in the opinions of older women because I think of myself to be more mature than most. And plus, I needed to rant BADLY. This whole situation is on my mind and I just need a little womanly advice. Here goes! I met this boy back in elementary school and we had this cute little 'We're boyfriend and girlfriend' thing going on. (Strictly holding hands and hugging.) He was my best friend and he knew everything about me. But then middle school came around and I stopped talking to him completely. The last I saw him was sometime my freshman year of high school right before I moved to a new state when he stopped me in the hallway to remark on how different I looked. We talked for all of three minutes before we parted and I never saw him again. Here I am, about to graduate high school, and he walks back into my life about a month ago. We've been talking on the phone, sending cute little texts to eachother, reminiscing on the times we DID get to spend together, and talking about our futures (Not together). We made plans to see eachother again this summer when I go back home after graduation to see all my old friends. He's told me that he misses me alot and thinks about me many times. It's brought back old memories of my best friend who I left behind in the crossing between elementary school and middle school. And honestly, I haven't had these kind of butterflies with any boy I've been with (Not even the one I lost my virginity to). We were just being.. happy again. Now, after a physical (literally) break-up with my last boyfriend (the one I lost my virtue to), I've been extremely timid with guys and I made it aware that I wasn't looking for anything serious because I needed time to make ammends to my heart and my self-esteem. But after every time I spoke with him, I felt more and more comfortable until I realized that I wanted to be with him. Recently, we've escalated into the sexting world (And please, I already know the dangers, the risks, the idiocracy, and the juvenile thoughts surrounding it, but you better not sit there and deny ever having done it unless you don't own a cell phone and have a man in your life who drives you wild!). And now, our plans in June include.. well.. you know. And I'm excited, don't get me wrong. Because I believe(d) this could be the start of something possibily strong, or if it doesn't, at least a solid friendship when it's said and done. HOWEVER. There are several very important complications. 1. I live 480 miles away from him and my college is in the state I currently reside in. (Ouch.) 2. I won't be staying but 2 weeks to visit him, which is definitely not enough time to reestabolish a solid foundation for a friendship and a relationship. 3. You guessed it: He CURRENTLY has a girlfriend. A 15 year old girlfriend who he supposedly isn't happy with. But my concern is.. if he's not happy, why is he with her? Of course the answer is simple: He's using me and I shouldn't be played like that. But I'm scared to bring this topic to the table because of the risk of scaring him away. He's been very flirty with me and I enjoy how it feels to be acknowledged like this. And he really wants to be with me this summer, not only sexually because we've discussed it, but he sincerely wants to see me. My major problem right now which brought this all to my overworking brain is a text message conversation between the two of us from about an hour ago. Me: I gotta shower here in a little bit, then I'm headed to bed. Him: Aw, without me? Me: Sadly Him: Then why are you smiling? Me: Because thinking about you makes me smile. Him: Dont get too too attached though, remember you're not staying here long this summer.. Me: Oh please, I'm completely aware of that lol. Him: In that case, the same for me You're awesome.. but listen I'm getting tired.. -End brain mashing conversation. HELP. And please don't give me the spew on how I'm 18, there's more fish in the sea, I'm so young, I can find someone easily, I don't know nothing about love, etcetc. My mother's already given me this speech. My heart is very torn between what I know I should do and what I really want. I sincerely need some woman to woman advice on how to handle this matter of the heart. Thank you!!
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 3. You guessed it: He CURRENTLY has a girlfriend. A 15 year old girlfriend who he supposedly isn't happy with. But my concern is.. if he's not happy, why is he with her? Of course the answer is simple: He's using me and I shouldn't be played like that. But I'm scared to bring this topic to the table because of the risk of scaring him away. He's been very flirty with me and I enjoy how it feels to be acknowledged like this. And he really wants to be with me this summer, not only sexually because we've discussed it, but he sincerely wants to see me. All you have to do is make yourself that promise not to cross the lines with him as long as he has a girlfriend. Let him know that you are not going to be the other girl. This guy HAS a girlfriend, that's the bottomline. He's off limits whether he flirts with you or sexting with you..
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Him: Dont get too too attached though, remember you're not staying here long this summer.. In his own way he's letting you know that he has no intention of letting it get serious..Yet he'll have no problem having sex with you and having fun with you..But he won't end his relationship to be with you. You want a guy who cheats on his girlfriend? Imagine yourself being his girlfriend and doing this behind YOUR back. Don't be that girl. What goes around, comes around so take time to THINK about what it is you are looking for. A quick fling? Someone to boost your ego? Or something long term and serious? This guy is in it for a quick fling, he's hinting about it too..
eerie_reverie Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I know he was your childhood friend, but this guy sounds like a jerk in the making.
eerie_reverie Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Here I am, about to graduate high school, and he walks back into my life about a month ago. Just out of curiosity, did he walk back into your life by you finding him on facebook and messaging him?
smudge21 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 From a guys perspective, he's doing this and keeps doing this because you're letting him (I could say encouraging him too). It's very simple for us - if we flirt with someone and they flirt back, we carry on. If you know we have a girlfriend and you continue to flirt well that's an obvious green light. I personally have never agreed with cheating. I did it once and paid the price, so learned my lesson well. I've been cheated on and fallen for girls who were like your guy, obvious cheaters. It was a hard lesson to learn but sadly when we like someone, it's very easy to wash over the negatives and just be blinded by the infatuation. The only way this will stop is when you stop it... or things go really bad between all three of you, and surely you don't want that. If he's unhappy with her, then it's up to him to deal with it. You need to be honest with him and yourself and sort this out. You're playing with fire at the moment and someone always gets burnt. Decide on what you really want and stick to it.
Author stupidgirlxo Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Just out of curiosity, did he walk back into your life by you finding him on facebook and messaging him? He doesn't have a facebook, he got my cell phone number from my cousin who is best friends with him.
Author stupidgirlxo Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Decide on what you really want and stick to it. What I want is to just move past the relationships that suck me dry of all my energy and spirit. I'm not looking for anything serious because I am college bound this fall and getting involved right now wouldn't be a wise decision. I just wish my heart wasn't playing games with my head because my head is telling me to stop being so blind to the obvious signs that he's in this mainly for the sex and the thrill of cheating and getting away with it while my heart is saying I've always had a thing for him but because I got transferred to a new state for my last two years of school, I never got the chance to act on it. Personally, I'm looking forward to growing out of these teenage hormones that drive me insane. As far as things go, I know what he is looking for, and I refuse to be a bootycall for him while he's with someone.
Author stupidgirlxo Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 All you have to do is make yourself that promise not to cross the lines with him as long as he has a girlfriend. Let him know that you are not going to be the other girl. This guy HAS a girlfriend, that's the bottomline. He's off limits whether he flirts with you or sexting with you.. I've made that promise to myself already and matter of factly told him today that I couldn't be this involved with him like I am already until he chose between me or his girlfriend. I would hate for another girl to walk into my relationship and steal away the guy I'm with like I feel like I am. Sure I've led it on long enough, but I know that things have to stop until I can make sense of everything and until he realizes that what he's doing is wrong and he can't have the best of both worlds.
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