Art_Critic Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 the generalizations on this board are out of this world Isn't that a generalization ?
sanskrit Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 So basically this type of guy, assuming not all men are like this, is just looking to get laid. BUT why don't guys just have a GF situation and not worry about sex since they'll always be getting it. Isn't having a GF so much easier (with all it's complications) than the calculation above? No, it's pretty much all men. You need to step outside of your female perspective for a second, and view the sexual world as a man. Men, other than the top 5% of the herd, when not in a relationship, have no idea when the next time they get laid will be. If I were making the formula for women, there would be no variables for "last time laid" and "estimate of next time laid," because for a woman desiring to have the sex life she wants, those variables are irrelevant, she can have sex with a man she finds attractive pretty much anytime, anyplace she wants. She needn't calculate any comparison between how her actual sex frequency comports with her desired sex frequency, for women the presumption is always that their actual frequency is identical to their desired frequency outside relationships because women have near complete control over when and how much they choose to have sex. OK, you ask, why not just get in a relationship or have a GF? Probably the best way to go, absolutely, but the thread is about sex with people who are sleeping with others, right? and most of those out and about aren't in relationships or are in sham relationships.
ASG Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Honestly, I don't care, at all. I do care if I'm being cheated on, as in, if I believe I'm in an exclusive relationship and it turns out it's not that exclusive. But other than that? no. I've been the OW in an actual relationship and have had affairs with several committed/married men. My rule is, if I'm single, it's not my problem, it's his, and I don't care. And I mostly assume people are having sex with others, because mostly, I am too! And I don't even care if they talk about it. It just doesn't phase me at all. I guess, as people have said here, I'm deadened to it. I just don't see it as a bad thing. I have a hard time letting people in and don't fall in love easily, for having actual relationships with people doesn't come easy to me. I guess you could say I'm emotionally unavailable (but working on it). I tend to be single a lot. If I didn't have casual sex to "keep me warm at night" I'd have gone crazy!! I do agree with sanskrit though. Women have far more sex than they'll ever admit. Because people judge! And you can see it here, on this board. If you've had sex with more than x amount of people, you have to be a slut. But here, I don't care, cause noone knows me. In real life though, I don't admit how many people I've slept with unless I'm talking to very very VERY close friends. Who are sharing the same kind of experiences.. Because close friends that believe sex should be exclusive of relationships also judge.
sanskrit Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Woman certainly do it as well. But not many will continue on with a relationship knowing the guy is sleeping around. The reason I asked is this: a married friend of mine is sleeping with a guy on the side almost weekly and he doesn't care she's married. I'm wondering what's going on in his head because he's single. Wouldn't it be easier for him to get a GF? I'm also finding that even when I tell guys I'm seeing someone they don't care. I went so far as to tell someone I'm married and he didn't blink! This brings up an excellent point of male anthropology/biology. Though our big brains moderate risks and vary our biological impulses, there is a hardwired genetic imperative in men to cuckold other men, thus "tricking" other men to take care of offspring not theirs at nil resource cost to the encroaching or intervening male, to get our sperm to the head of the line and trick the other guy into thinking the baby is his. Genes don't care who writes the support check. Have you ever wondered why many mammal penises flare out at the top? Anthropologists have conjectured that it's to "pull" previously deposited sperm out of the vaginal canal as one pushes ones own sperm in, may also explain the thrusting motion of much mammalian sex. So though our big brains moderate the impulses, they are still down in there influencing.
Author ilovedhim Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 I've been the OW in an actual relationship and have had affairs with several committed/married men. My rule is, if I'm single, it's not my problem, it's his, and I don't care. Did it bother you that they were also sleeping with the W/SO? Not in a moral way I mean in a possessive way. I guess the only way not to get jealous is to be emotionally unattached. That saddens me.
sanskrit Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 never figured you to be that sensitive. Oh absolutely, once a woman I had been dating for some time and I were not using condoms because she was on the pill, I was clean, and I knew and trusted that this woman would never carry a child to term (she was diagnosed HPD, those are a safe bet to abort as they are terrified of "ruining" their bodies, they all cheat though, that's the tradeoff). We usually had sex at night in limited lighting. During the day in a really bright room, I was down there and made a whole host of tiny new warty acquaintances. Call me vain (or vein:lmao:) but I'd rather catch syphilis than genital warts. Yep, very sensitive about certain things. Luckily I never got em. Men and women, make sure your first sex toy introduced into the relationship is a flashlight! "Hey want to play doctor? let me get my exam tools")
Author ilovedhim Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 Have you ever wondered why many mammal penises flare out at the top? Anthropologists have conjectured that it's to "pull" previously deposited sperm out of the vaginal canal as one pushes ones own sperm in, may also explain the thrusting motion of much mammalian sex. Sperm fertalizes past the cervix into the uterus. The penis only reaches into the vagina so how can it get sperm out? Really now.
sanskrit Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Sperm fertalizes past the cervix into the uterus. The penis only reaches into the vagina so how can it get sperm out? Really now. The adaptation came to be far in the past when several males were likely to have sex with a female in succession. The alpha deposits first and five minutes later, Mr. beta comes creeping out of the bushes. If she doesn't attack and scare off mr. beta (she's hardwired to protect the alpha sperm already inside, but has conflicting other hardwiring that may make her receptive to beta) beta's plunger-penis could pull some or most of the alpha sperm out of her vaginal canal while simultaneously depositing his. Of course sperm pulled out of the vaginal canal never makes it to the uterus. These, like most social sciences, are not hard facts, just theories that exist, no idea if they are prevalent or even disproven, if you are interested am sure there is lots of wiki fodder on such stuff.
ASG Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) Did it bother you that they were also sleeping with the W/SO? Not in a moral way I mean in a possessive way. I guess the only way not to get jealous is to be emotionally unattached. That saddens me. Trust me, I was *very* attached. I actually LOVED this guy. But I knew the rules of the game. I knew, after a short while, that the likelyhood of him breaking up with her was tiny. What I did do, in a possessive way, was making sure he spent more time with me than with her, and I did my best to compartmentalize the fact that he was also sleeping with her. I don't think I ever thought about it while we were together. My situation was bad enough (and it ended because I was fed up with it), why would I put myself through more hurt by imagining them together? I understand some people aren't able to do this, but I am. I just lock those thoughts away. Now... after we broke up and I found out he slept with one of my best friends while on holiday with her... That sent me flying with rage and jealousy! LOL But we were over anyway, so I got over it quickly enough. As for the affairs with other commited/married men, they were all NSA/FWB kinda thing, so no, not attached. Edited May 24, 2011 by ASG
Jono85 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Isn't that a generalization ? lol is it? damnit, possibly. but u know what i mean! i guess i'm not really a part of other dating forums to be honest, but am a part of another that's mostly guys; but seems on here there's a ridiculous amount of opinions about guys having no feelings for girls, like we're some kind of robots who go around banging as many chicks as we can without a care in the world. there are obv many guys like that, as there are many girls like that too. it's just sad to see that ppls experiences with CERTAIN guys somehow lead them to believe guys in general are like this. the good guys def suffer as well considering all the emotional walls, jealousy issues, lack of progression, etc etc that we have to put up with b/c of these generalizations! \rant
Author ilovedhim Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 but seems on here there's a ridiculous amount of opinions about guys having no feelings for girls, like we're some kind of robots who go around banging as many chicks as we can without a care in the world. there are obv many guys like that, as there are many girls like that too. it's just sad to see that ppls experiences with CERTAIN guys somehow lead them to believe guys in general are like this. the good guys def suffer as well considering all the emotional walls, jealousy issues, lack of progression, etc etc that we have to put up with b/c of these generalizations! \rant I hope this wasn't directed at me! I never said guys are robots, as I don't believe that. There are cold, harsh people of both sexes. Men and women can both detach emotions from sex depending on how much they care for the person they're with. Just wanted opinions from guys that's all. But have to agree that men might be more willing to have romps with whoever, while women have enough possibilities to choose.
carhill Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Guys, why don't you mind having sex with someone that you know is sleeping with others? I do mind, which in part explains my low sexual partner count, along with being married for ten years. A compatible woman will embrace demonstrated exclusivity prior to any sexual activity, which I describe as any activity involving either partner's genitalia. Prior, I'd have no knowledge nor expectation of exclusivity and she was/is free to f*ck whomever she likes. With exclusivity comes STD testing. Sounds a little sterile but, unlike some others in my generation, I get emotionally involved with those I have sexual relations with, so must take necessary precautions for mental and physical health.
Jono85 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) I hope this wasn't directed at me! I never said guys are robots, as I don't believe that. There are cold, harsh people of both sexes. Men and women can both detach emotions from sex depending on how much they care for the person they're with. Just wanted opinions from guys that's all. But have to agree that men might be more willing to have romps with whoever, while women have enough possibilities to choose. i dunno bout this last theory you speak of, and that another poster was talking about. i don't really believe that women have it easier getting sex from desirable partners as men do. most of the guy friends i know have standards too. that's not to say that some men don't ditch their standards from time to time to get sex. but women have standards too. i know for a fact my sister hasn't had sex in well at least over a year or so, maybe more. probs b/c she has certain standards and hasn't met a guy that meets those. i guess the point is there are ppl that can have meaningless sex, and ppl that cannot, or do not, anyway. sure girls can get sex whenever they want. if they lower their standards and are cool with meaningless sex. but i think guys can do just the same, with those girls that are into casual sex. IF girls crave sex as much as guys (a whole nother debate) then i don't think girls can get sex any easier than guys can on average. my apologies for this having little to do with the thread topic lol. personally i DEF care if a girl is banging other guys. not so desirable for me personally. Edited May 24, 2011 by Jono85
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