nissangurl Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 Hi, I DESPERATELY need some advice as I am at work and can't contact any of my friends. I'l' try to keep this as brief as possible. Met R about a month ago. He told me he got out of a relationship not too long ago and didn't want anything too serious. We dated for a while, he said he wasn't seeing anyone else. Just a few days ago he said dina very nice way that I am a little too attached to him (kissing him too much, holding him too much). So, Anyways, he said he kind of wants to chill abit because its summer, and continue to see me, but also see other people. I told him I didn't want that because it is kidan against my morals. i can chill a bit with him, but I won't date someone who is dating other people. I have never really dated around, mostly just had relationships so I am not sure of the rules, all I know is it is against what I stand for to sleep with more than one person or to associate myself with someone who does. Anyways, long story short, he want's to "talk" tonight. He keeps saying he wants to remain friends, and see what happens because he thinks I am nice and he says it is hard to find nice people. But I don't know if that is the smartest idea because I have a feeling I might get hurt. I have feelings for him, they won't go away, I want nothing more than to be with him, but I am also not going to sit around all summer and wait for him. So, moral of the story.... be his friend and stop sleeping with him, slightly waiting for him, but keeping my eyes open to what may come around? all while hoping he sees how great I am or cut off all ties to him and move on? I will miss him, but it might hurt less over all. I just really need to know how to play my cards TONIGHT when we go for coffee. Thanks all
hurtingandconfused Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 First off its all up to you. My advice is: You have strong feelings for this guy. If he decides that he wants to date other people, respect his decision. If you want to be friends with him tell him that you are not ready to be his friend. (take this time to heal and contact him when you are ready-Don't give him a day or month) be his friend and stop sleeping with him, slightly waiting for him, I believe that it's difficult being friends with someone that you want to be. Be friends when you have moved on. And of course do not sleep with him if he decides he wants to date around. Sleeping with him will hurt you each time, it will not let you move on. all while hoping he sees how great I am or cut off all ties to him and move on? Holding on to false hope will kill you. Let it be, and maybe just maybe he will come around. I just really need to know how to play my cards TONIGHT when we go for coffee. Whatever his decision is, tell him how you feel. Let him know that you truly care for him and you wish that things could be different. Do not cry and do not look sad. Like I said contact him when YOU are ready to become friends and only friends. He keeps saying he wants to remain friends, and see what happens because he thinks I am nice and he says it is hard to find nice people. He's trying to string you along. He wants to hold on to you while he looks for someone "better."
Arabess Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 It takes two people for a relationship to get off the ground. Unfortunately, he decided he wanted to stay in 'friend' mode AFTER you had already been intimate with him. This does happen....and can really hurt a heart. Unless I was in it for casual sex....I wouldn't sleep with someone until the relationship had gotten to the point of some committment. As for tonight, there isn't anything you can do to change it. All you can do is listen to what he says....take the high road....and walk away. ....or you can accidentally knock his plate of hot food in his lap...... Actually, if I thought someone was going to break up with me....I wouldn't even show up.
Author nissangurl Posted April 13, 2004 Author Posted April 13, 2004 [font=arial]He's trying to string you along. He wants to hold on to you while he looks for someone "better."[/font] I never thought of it that way. Thank you VERY much both of you. I'l re-read those a few times before I see him tonight. You are both right. Thanks again.
clia Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 I have never really dated around, mostly just had relationships so I am not sure of the rules, all I know is it is against what I stand for to sleep with more than one person or to associate myself with someone who does. "Dating" does not mean "sleeping with." You can date multiple people while not sleeping with any of them. (I do it all the time.) I agree that you should not be sleeping with someone who is sleeping with other people. Then again, why would you want to? I think you should cut all ties and move on. You do yourself no good by waiting around and hoping he "opens his eyes." He told you he didn't want a serious relationship with you, which is all you need to know.
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