brokendreamz Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 So... I've hit the gym, lost weight and toned up, seeing a therapist, working hard, playing harder and even doing a course on mindfulness meditation. I've changed my wardrobe, got a tan, dumped negative influences and slowly I'm becoming who I thought I should be but never thought possible. If I spent any time with my ex I am positive she'd like what she saw but Although I tell myself that I'm doing all the above for me I can't help think that actually I'm doing it in the hope that next time we see each other she'll realise I'm not the person she fell out of love with! It's dawning on me that perhaps this is not healthy but after 4 months (together 8 years) my heart STILL won't accept that she's not coming back. Anyone else feel like this???
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 This is all stuff you should've done while you were still in the relationship. Neither my wife nor I give each other the option of getting fat, out of shape, lazy, disrepectful, etc.
BlindRage Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I don't think of my ex as someone I want to impress. I guess I'm starting to move on and seeing shes not the only girl. If I really think about it though, it would feel nice to prove her wrong but not pursue anything with her.
Author brokendreamz Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 NYC Guy: Hind sight is a mother****er. I know I should have been doing all that while I was lucky enough to be with her. I'm sure your relationship is absolutely perfect!
Aqua066 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Broken... You're not the only one feeling like this believe me. It's been about 5 months I've been broken up and like 50 something days since I had any contact with her. I think about her everyday. I've turned into a total gym rat... I'm doing two-a-day's, running 1/2 marathons etc. I know I'm doing it for myself... it also helps me keep my mind off my ex but in the back of my mind I still think of what she'd think of me... I do work with her but do everything possible to avoid her. I haven't been next to her in weeks. I think she's avoiding me as much as I'm avoiding her... lol. That's a good thing believe me. Keep up it man! Do this for yourself. You and me will both find a new girl one day... that will appreciate the hard work we've done. Peace. Aqua
hummingbird Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 So... I've hit the gym, lost weight and toned up, seeing a therapist, working hard, playing harder and even doing a course on mindfulness meditation. I've changed my wardrobe, got a tan, dumped negative influences and slowly I'm becoming who I thought I should be but never thought possible. If I spent any time with my ex I am positive she'd like what she saw but Although I tell myself that I'm doing all the above for me I can't help think that actually I'm doing it in the hope that next time we see each other she'll realise I'm not the person she fell out of love with! It's dawning on me that perhaps this is not healthy but after 4 months (together 8 years) my heart STILL won't accept that she's not coming back. Anyone else feel like this??? hey Broken; good on ya for taking to the gym and working on yourself and your life... I think it is a painful and very harsh ache to realize that one you loved so isn't coming back...unlike death.... this is a loss but they exist in life and so you feel the loss but can't finalize it in the same way ( not to make light of death at all) I am still raw in my pain and loss and can't stop wondering about him, what he is feeling , if he regrets.... all the what ifs and self blame and sadness.... I feel like an empty barrel of nothing.... I do go for walks and am taking anitdepressants... have thought about taking yoga or volunteering.... but just can't motivate yet..... I called out of work today and don't want to face people either ( i wear my heart on my sleeve) but know, that the work you do for yourself and within yourself is becasue you are you best friend and your own prioirty and one day, the rewards will be ten fold because you and another will be able to both benefit from the work you do now.... taking good care of you ... and someday, the right person willl notice and appreciate YOU! ps. to Aqua---- good on ya too all the best to you pps. nyc guy---- it is great you and your spouse make those efforts, but it really doesn't support someone like broken who is figuring out where and how to be in his life and in his loss.... peace out!
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 pps. nyc guy---- it is great you and your spouse make those efforts, but it really doesn't support someone like broken who is figuring out where and how to be in his life and in his loss.... Yes, true...but it's something to consider in the next relationship when you feel like letting yourself go or get complacent just because you don't feel the need to attract your spouse anymore.
hummingbird Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Yes, true...but it's something to consider in the next relationship when you feel like letting yourself go or get complacent just because you don't feel the need to attract your spouse anymore. I think maybe then you should be posting in the marriage forum and not the breaking up, reconciliation and coping forum..... people here are looking for support, coping mechanisms and kinship -- not how to consider being attractive to your spouse _- in the future-- sheesh....
Beeotch Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) So... I've hit the gym, lost weight and toned up, seeing a therapist, working hard, playing harder and even doing a course on mindfulness meditation. I've changed my wardrobe, got a tan, dumped negative influences and slowly I'm becoming who I thought I should be but never thought possible. If I spent any time with my ex I am positive she'd like what she saw but Although I tell myself that I'm doing all the above for me I can't help think that actually I'm doing it in the hope that next time we see each other she'll realise I'm not the person she fell out of love with! It's dawning on me that perhaps this is not healthy but after 4 months (together 8 years) my heart STILL won't accept that she's not coming back. Anyone else feel like this??? I used to feel like that when I wasn't over my ex... My motivation for doing well would be as a slap in the face to him so he could eat his heart out and be sad that he left me and to come crawling back Nowadays I am fully over him and could care less about what he thinks about me. I am looking great, doing even more impressive things but no longer hopes he hears through the grapevine or consider him at all in regards to my life. What I do now is truly for ME and my happiness and future and not to show off on him. It simply means you have more work to do! And you're not quite there in getting over the hope of being with this person and having them validate you. It's normal, you're on the right track and eventually this person won't be the reason you do what you do. Guess you gotta fake it now 'til you make it. Edited May 24, 2011 by Beeotch
guitarxkid Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Yeah I definitely feel like I want to impress my ex all the time. She has a new boyfriend now but we go to the same school and I see her almost every day which sucks, but I'm going to the gym every day trying to improve myself and partly because I want to show my ex what she's missing whenever she sees me. I don't see it as a bad thing, going to the gym is awesome and makes me feel better. It must be tough breaking up after 8 years but sounds like you're dealing with it which is awesome, keep doing what ur doin
coltsfan1 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 broken, not matter how much i get my mojo back I still miss my ex. I have had girls come up to me at bars, chase me across the dance floor till they fall down. I still compare them to my ex, just keep working that is what I do. If you where a good person and they left they will regret it some day.
flyman Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Hi there, I think a lot of people can relate to what you currently feel. We all wanna make our exes regret leaving us. I did the same thing even if I couldn't admit it to others. I used to do it for my ex, I wanted her to regret ever leaving me, or losing me (I broke up with her the second time). It's only been a few months out of a long term relationship, give it some time. You know, once you start doing those good things simply for yourself. It will mean that you are slowly moving on.
radiodarcy Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 This is all stuff you should've done while you were still in the relationship. Neither my wife nor I give each other the option of getting fat, out of shape, lazy, disrepectful, etc. i tried impressing my ex the whole time by working out, taking care of myself etc - - he didnt start doing the same until he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore and wanted to move onto someone else *sigh*
Sugarkane Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 This is all stuff you should've done while you were still in the relationship. Neither my wife nor I give each other the option of getting fat, out of shape, lazy, disrepectful, etc. I think NYC Guy is full of BS! I got dumped aswell but I NEVER once got fat, out of shape, lazy or disrespectful. So why did I get dumped?
Renard99 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Don't worry, I've felt the same thing. The silliest thing I did not long after the break up was, upon going into town to pick up some lunch I saw her getting a sandwich in an expensive deli. Without thinking I decided not to go and get my usual pre-prepared sandwich and instead get a fresh sandwich in the deli. All of this as if to say 'look at me, I can go for the expensive sandwiches too'. It was stupid and childish and I'm not even sure she saw me but it was an attempt to do something to show her what she's lost out on. I'm right there with you Brokendreamz. 4 months out of a 7 and a half year relationship and, like yours, my heart still has trouble accepting that she's not coming back.
hellon Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 OP, I think a lot of us feel that way, and wonder what our ex's would think if they saw us now. Would they totally want us back? Would they regret dumping us? Maybe, but maybe not... So you are dealing with things in the most positive way possible. And as some of the other posters have said, whatever your motivation is now, one day you'll get to the point where it no longer matters to you what she thinks- and you'll still be a better person. Sometimes that's the silver lining of going through a breakup.
Recommended Posts