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How do I make him stop contacting me?


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Posted

Four nights ago, my genius ex-boyfriend decided that it would be appropriate to text me (at 3 A.M.) about how much he misses me and wishing he'd treated me better. The next day, he sent me a text apologizing for his "ill-scripted drunk text." I responded to neither one.

 

I broke up with him two and a half years ago--we've been APART almost longer than we were together.

 

I want to make him stop. Every month, he will send me some text that feels like he's trying to initiate contact or open up a dialogue. "So and so is moving, thought you should know." "I'm waiting on your mom, isn't that cool?" and so on.. I never respond. This is the first time in awhile he's done the "I MISS YOU SO MUCH" thing, but it's really starting to irritate me.

 

When we first broke up, we were in several classes together; After witnessing his behavior, I had teachers pull me aside and ask if I was okay, if they needed to call the police, advising me to get a restraining order, etc. He exhibited very stalker-like behavior, sending me text after text after text, threatening to show up at my house, etc. I ended up having to change my number, but I didn't want to ruin his life by getting a restraining order at that point, much to my parents' and teachers' chagrin. He tried to rekindle a friendship with my best friend (whom he knew before he knew me), but she broke it off because he only wanted to talk about me.

 

Ignoring him and N/C hasn't worked for two and a half years; I'm worried that if I flat-out tell him to go away, he'll try to argue his way out of it and use it to open up a conversation.

 

Maybe I should be glad that he only contacts me once a month, but I'm not looking forward to my next middle-of-night-drunk-text, you know? What should I do?

Posted

Can you you just change your cell # and then be very careful who you give it out to?

 

I would not bother responding to any of his texts, no matter what they say.

 

WAIT..hold on. You wrote that you'd already previously changed your #. So how does he have it again?

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Posted
You wrote that you'd already previously changed your #. So how does he have it again?

 

That is a very good question. We have a lot of mutual friends that I'm not in super close-contact with, but that he is--I suspect one of them unwittingly gave it to him. =/

Posted
That is a very good question. We have a lot of mutual friends that I'm not in super close-contact with, but that he is--I suspect one of them unwittingly gave it to him. =/

 

Well as inconvenient as it might be, it might be worth changing it again and giving it out ONLY to close friends who trust will not give it out to ANYONE unless with your permission.

Posted

Flat out tell him that you do not want him to contact you further. Be clear that he should not even respond to you. If you think its necessary, tell him you've been advised to get a restraining order and that continued contact will force you to do just that.

 

As it is, I don't think you can get a restraining order if you've never even told the guy to back off. You need to tell him, otherwise the door is open no matter how much you ignore him.

 

If he continues after you've told him to stop, then you need to document, document, document. Save everything. Keep a log. And then get that restraining order.

Posted

Can't you just block his number?

Posted
Flat out tell him that you do not want him to contact you further. Be clear that he should not even respond to you. If you think its necessary, tell him you've been advised to get a restraining order and that continued contact will force you to do just that.

 

As it is, I don't think you can get a restraining order if you've never even told the guy to back off. You need to tell him, otherwise the door is open no matter how much you ignore him.

 

If he continues after you've told him to stop, then you need to document, document, document. Save everything. Keep a log. And then get that restraining order.

 

I also think this is very good advice. I suspect most men/women are not dangerous people in a violent way.. but there is something going on with him where he has not been able to move on.. he is confused.. and I suspect being hard on himself.. and feeling he cannot find anyone else.. oneitis or something like this..and probably has low self-esteem (at the moment) I don't know how it ended, but I agree Jazzari that you should flat out tell him you want no further contact, that you are not interested in him... but don't go beyond that.. avoid.. I hope you meet someone special.. it will make him miss you more... why because he will feel even more sorry for himself.. that he is a loser.. actually I think the more he feels good about himself.. the less he is likely to contact you. A restraining order of course will probably mean he won't contact you.. but he'll be hurt.. not your problem I know.

 

I just you might be better off trying to be firm.. to tell him clearly it is OVER.. without getting into too much drama..

 

I think sometimes people think they can win people back by giving you attention. Of course 99% of the time.. it makes us all men or women less attracted to the person.

Posted
Can't you just block his number?

 

Exactly. Just block him. Nothing more effective.

 

You can block his emails too if he tries to contact you this way.

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