Celestine Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Suppose a situation in which you're dating a guy that you've just recently met, meaning you do not have an established relationship. You are still getting to know each other. So you set a date for, let's say, Friday night and he says he'll contact you to work out the details about when and where to meet. When would you expect the guy to call? My friend is seeing a guy who's always doing it last minute. He will call Friday afternoon and set a time maybe 3 hours later. She hates this. I find it kind of disrespectful, too. Even if someone is at work there most likely would be time to send a text with a specific time or just to let the other person know you're not sure yet when you'll be able to make it. Is this being overcritical? Do guys just see this topic differently?
D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Well, all I can say is that if your friend has an issue with it- there is something she can do to change it! If he calls last minute to set something up- she can say she's already made plans. You set a precedence in the early stages of dating if you agree to last minute plans. Good old Dr. Phil has his famous saying "you teach people how to treat you". If you're willing to accept last minute invitations, that's what you'll get. I think the next time this guy does this, your friend should explain nicely "Oh, too bad, I have plans for tonight, I didn't hear from you earlier, so I assumed we weren't still on for tonight". He'll know for the next time that if he wants to see her- he'll have to make plans earlier. Those last minute confirmations really seem like the other person sees you as a back up. If this guy is one of those guys- your friend will find out soon enough as long as she doesn't accept that last minute confirmation. If he's just a little daft about the dating procedure, he'll learn from one turn down that he needs to step up his game.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Well, all I can say is that if your friend has an issue with it- there is something she can do to change it! If he calls last minute to set something up- she can say she's already made plans. You set a precedence in the early stages of dating if you agree to last minute plans. Good old Dr. Phil has his famous saying "you teach people how to treat you". If you're willing to accept last minute invitations, that's what you'll get. I think the next time this guy does this, your friend should explain nicely "Oh, too bad, I have plans for tonight, I didn't hear from you earlier, so I assumed we weren't still on for tonight". He'll know for the next time that if he wants to see her- he'll have to make plans earlier. Those last minute confirmations really seem like the other person sees you as a back up. If this guy is one of those guys- your friend will find out soon enough as long as she doesn't accept that last minute confirmation. If he's just a little daft about the dating procedure, he'll learn from one turn down that he needs to step up his game. Agreed. Bravo!!
Saxis Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Only do that if you actually DID make other plans. Otherwise, you're just another game playing b*tch. You could just as easily be honest and say you'd like a little more notice next time...
Author Celestine Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 You could just as easily be honest and say you'd like a little more notice next time... She actually planned to this last time they met but ended up not doing it, because as she said when they are together everything just feels so right. I really feel for her there, I've been in this situation before I really wanted him to contact me more but I was so afraid that he wouldn't care for what I had to say that I never told him. She most likely won't be doing the "I already have other plans"-things, since they only get to see each other once or twice a week as commutes 200 km to work everyday thus leaves very early and comes home very late. So they have had some troubled actually finding time to spend together.
Star Gazer Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Only do that if you actually DID make other plans. Otherwise, you're just another game playing b*tch. You could just as easily be honest and say you'd like a little more notice next time... I disagree. People rarely learn from mistakes if there are no consequences.
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I know people who do this too and it annoys the h#ll out of me. I have a friend who will ask me like two weeks in advance to hang out and not even put it on her calendar, so the day we're supposed to meet up I always have to remind her we have something planned. The best thing would be for your friend to take charge of planning the next date and set everything up in advance the way she would want the guy to do it. See if he gets the hint.
D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) Only do that if you actually DID make other plans. Otherwise, you're just another game playing b*tch. You could just as easily be honest and say you'd like a little more notice next time... That's the point dude- you make OTHER plans when someone isn't respecting your time. Doing so doesn't make a woman a bitch. Your "other" plans could mean staying in and watching a movie by yourself- it doesn't change my advice. What kind of guy waits until the last minute before confirming a date??? Surely not a game player... Edited May 23, 2011 by D-Lish
CambridgeGirl Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Nothing worse than a can't be bothered to think about you kind of person not confirming till hours before the event. The excuses are rubbish, it is lazy and assuming you have nothing better to do but wait for their sorry ass to firm up. Be busy once, if he is decent he will sit up straight and learn, if he is a flake he will go away, either way is a good result for you.
alphamale Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 he should probably give you a couple days notice so that you can buy a new outfit and shoes, shave your legs and do all that other girly girl stuff
Saxis Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 That's the point dude- you make OTHER plans when someone isn't respecting your time. Doing so doesn't make a woman a bitch. Your "other" plans could mean staying in and watching a movie by yourself- it doesn't change my advice. What kind of guy waits until the last minute before confirming a date??? Surely not a game player... Sure, you could call staying in by yourself (or anything else you come up with last minute) as "plans", if it works as an excuse for you to be a b*tch just to teach a guy a lesson... As far as I can see, no one lost any of their precious time. If you can't handle being honest or communicate your simple want/need to plan ahead without resorting to games, just don't date. I know lots of people who wait until the last minute to make plans. Doesn't mean they do it just to screw with people. Maybe they value their time differently? As a side note: I would never wait until last minute, or even couple hours before setting date details. The day before would be the latest, unless the whole thing was spur of the moment of course. Mainly for the reason alpha states... A couple hours is barely enough time to choose the right outfit for some women.
D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Sure, you could call staying in by yourself (or anything else you come up with last minute) as "plans", if it works as an excuse for you to be a b*tch just to teach a guy a lesson... As far as I can see, no one lost any of their precious time. If you can't handle being honest or communicate your simple want/need to plan ahead without resorting to games, just don't date. I know lots of people who wait until the last minute to make plans. Doesn't mean they do it just to screw with people. Maybe they value their time differently? As a side note: I would never wait until last minute, or even couple hours before setting date details. The day before would be the latest, unless the whole thing was spur of the moment of course. Mainly for the reason alpha states... A couple hours is barely enough time to choose the right outfit for some women. It's not about teaching anyone a lesson- it's about respecting yourself. I'm sorry, if a guy contacts me at 5pm on a Saturday for a 7pm date, it's not cool with me, I won't accept, AND THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A BITCH. You yourself said you'd give notice- so I don't get where your "bitch" arguement comes from. A dude needs to show respect as much as a woman needs to embrace it- and vice-versa.
Saxis Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) It's not about teaching anyone a lesson- it's about respecting yourself. I'm sorry, if a guy contacts me at 5pm on a Saturday for a 7pm date, it's not cool with me, I won't accept, AND THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A BITCH. You yourself said you'd give notice- so I don't get where your "bitch" arguement comes from. I know lots of people who wait until the last minute to make plans. Doesn't mean they do it just to screw with people. Maybe they value their time differently? A dude needs to show respect as much as a woman needs to embrace it- and vice-versa. Respecting yourself would be being honest. Unless you actually DID think the date was off and made other plans, yes, you're being a b*tch just to teach him a lesson. Why the need to make it a game otherwise? Why not just tell him, "Hey, I need a little more notice than a couple hours!"? Edited May 23, 2011 by Saxis
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