lolo1234 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I've had a pretty decent time meeting men on match.com. The problem for me has been getting a 2nd date. I find that most of my first dates ate kind of blah. Maybe there isn't any initial intense chemistry buy often I would be ok with going out at least 1 more time to see if anything manifests. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I think I look pretty good. My pics are recent. I think the problem comes In where I'm maybe not talkative enough? I feel like there's usually a good point in the date where the conversation is flowing and/or we r laughing and then things die down a bit. At which point I notice myself getting nervous. :/. I have been going out on 2-3 dates a week and I think I get a 2nd date about 10% of the time. Oh and another point, u definitely notice it's harder on me when after exchanging numbers the guy wants to meet almost right away... Would love any tips or advice
alexlakeman Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I'll tell you the reasons I , as a guy, why it doesn't get to the second date: Pics don't match the person, but you said that's not your case. This is not only refer to the "age" of the pic, but also, for example: the pics didn't reflect the size of certain body parts that were not to my taste, the smile in the pic was with their mouth closed and when I met them I didn't find the gap in the front teeth appealing, uh their height was taller than indicated on profile.No chemistry in the convo when we met; after a while, the convo just fizzles.. Doesn't mean either party s)cks in the dating, just no chemistry among the two parties involved... Most of the time it's obvious to both parties and I don't call/text back, and neither do they.If I am "not" sure about the person, i just wait to hear back from them. If they call / text me after the date fine, if not, oh well.I find out that their free time for dating is very limited (ie kids and no backup plan to take care of kids).I find that our interests are not quite the same as I anticipated (ie they can't travel as much). So, who knows, could be a million reasons.. But, it's nice to get a text as a guy from the woman with at least a "thank you"...
AstroZombie138 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I had this issue on eharmony and I just chalk it up to no chemistry. The ones I did get to 2nd dates didn't advance much further either but we remained friends.
Sabali Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I really, really feel that the best chance at a second date is just going out and having fun no matter what the person looks like and not giving a damn if things lead to a second date. You are simply going out to enjoy that part of life. Somehow, it just seems to work out with that attitude. I think many people put too much pressure on the situation, get nervous and uncomfortable. There is no need to get uncomfortable and awkward with moments of silence and get anxious about it. Just let moments of silence happen and act natural during them. Pick back up the conversation after your breather. There have been enough times, especially in my teens and early adulthood, when someone said they was bringing "someone for me" and the person turned out to be not my type. I would be damn if I was not still going to show that person a good time. Just loosen up and have fun for yourself. I'll say it again and again. Dating is supposed to be fun. Every date does not have to lead to marriage. Release the pressure.
somedude81 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I have been going out on 2-3 dates a week and I think I get a 2nd date about 10% of the time. Damn! Slow, the, heck, down. How long do you communicate with a guy before you go on a date? By going on so many dates in such a short time, you are not giving yourself or the guy a chance to get to know each other. You're essentially just two strangers meetting for the first time and you're expecting fireworks. The world doesn't work like that.
nothappyjan Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I agree with somedude. Personally when i just meet a guy after a very short time of interacting I find the dates don't go as well and it feels more awakward altogether. Hpwever when i feel like ive chatted a bit more and built up a r/ship already the dates tend to be more successful. That's just my 2cents However it really might be nothing you can do, the guys might just not be looking to to find someone right now or being too fussy or not over their ex. You just never know thats going on in their head. Just keep trying and tell yourself you dont care if they contact you and you are just going out for a fun night, to meet a person you might never have met otherwise. Good luck !
JungleLover Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I don't think there is anything wrong with your dating schedule until you find someone you can connect with but it does sound exhausting. You said that most of them are kind of blah. Is there any chance that you are just bringing the wrong sort of attitude to the dates?
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