Leeny Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 My highschool sweet heart of almost 6 years we are not married but have just bought a house together had some co works over for a party while I was gone.He took one of his co workers home and in the car she started to take her close off and play with herself... Then she started to play with him and gave him a BJ in the car. It took him about 2 months before he could bring himself to tell me and at the time it happened we were not having sex much due to work hours and not getting to see each other a lot. I want to forgive him but everytime I look at him or the car I think about it and he still has to go to work everyday with her.i don't know how to get over this I have read many other people's stories and they help but I have only known for about a week any thoughts / ideas / suggestions please feel free to throw them out there thanks
YellowShark Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Look. If your boyfriend of almost 6 years is getting BJs from other women he has no self-control. He is not ready for commitment. What did she have a gun to his head? Did he trip and fall into her mouth? Come on Leeny. Get real.
Author Leeny Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 He also tells me he dosent love her and it means nothing to him and he let's me go through his phone and email but he could always be deleting them as I caught him about a week before telling me about everything from our phone bill he had texted her almost 200 times in a billing period and I was getting suspicious before that and asked if he was texting her and he denied it
YellowShark Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 He also tells me he dosent love her and it means nothing to him and he let's me go through his phone and email but he could always be deleting them as I caught him about a week before telling me about everything from our phone bill he had texted her almost 200 times in a billing period and I was getting suspicious before that and asked if he was texting her and he denied it He has texted her 200 times in a month, had her over to your house while you are out of town, AND gets BJs from her? Where there is smoke there is fire Leeny. Sorry to say that but don't be so naive.
ladydesigner Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 He has texted her 200 times in a month, had her over to your house while you are out of town, AND gets BJs from her? Where there is smoke there is fire Leeny. Sorry to say that but don't be so naive. I agree if this much texting has gone on it is much more than a night with a BJ.
YellowShark Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I agree if this much texting has gone on it is much more than a night with a BJ. ABSOLUTELY. 200 times is waaaaaay over the top for a simple "co-worker." Leeny, darling... he's having an affair with the woman he is a) having over to the house, b) texting, and c) getting BJs from.
Spark1111 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Leeny, he's having an affair. If you confront him, he will probably deny it. Since they both know now that you know, it has probably gone underground. They are just getting better at hiding it. Stay calm and happy and trusting of him as you gather more evidence because I think you will find it. Buy a GPS? Any way you can show up unexpected at his job? Install a keylogger? Sit in the work parking lot as they leave together? Once you know definitively, you can leave assured you have left someone who lied and cheated on you.
OldOnTheInside Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Whether you should forgive him or not is up to you. I personally wouldn't recommend it at this point. Do you think you could afford a good lawyer? See what you can do about getting the house from him, if possible. You don't have any kids right? Just be happy you aren't married yet, you dodged a bullet by finding out now.
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 My highschool sweet heart of almost 6 years we are not married but have just bought a house together had some co works over for a party while I was gone.He took one of his co workers home and in the car she started to take her close off and play with herself... Then she started to play with him and gave him a BJ in the car. It took him about 2 months before he could bring himself to tell me and at the time it happened we were not having sex much due to work hours and not getting to see each other a lot. I want to forgive him but everytime I look at him or the car I think about it and he still has to go to work everyday with her.i don't know how to get over this I have read many other people's stories and they help but I have only known for about a week any thoughts / ideas / suggestions please feel free to throw them out there thanks If he is truly remorseful and wants to prove his trust to you, he has to quit his job or ask for a transfer so he doesn't work with her anymore. But, the part I bolded...HUGE RED FLAG. Unless your guy works on himself and sets boundries and rules up for himself (NOT TO PUT HIMSELF IN A STUPID SITUATION and learn to say NO), this WILL happen again. He is blaming YOU for him doing this because you two weren't having sex. He chose, yes CHOSE to allow this girl to go down on him...Selfish! Sadly, I doubt it was that 'one' time. Let me ask, why now after 2 months is he telling you this? Was his co worker going to tell you? Or someone else? Or with Arnie coming out to his wife about his affair and love child, did that inspire him to tell you? And, in the past 2 months, how have things been between you two? More sex? less sex? Is he home with you or out alot?
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 He also tells me he dosent love her and it means nothing to him and he let's me go through his phone and email but he could always be deleting them as I caught him about a week before telling me about everything from our phone bill he had texted her almost 200 times in a billing period and I was getting suspicious before that and asked if he was texting her and he denied it Yeah..It wasn't just one BJ. He's been having an affair and you know this now with the texts and him denying it. It's much MUCH more than just one time head in the car. So, ask yourself if he is worth fighting for? Is the relationship worth saving? And also, is the co-worker married?
PegNosePete Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 What the hell girl? Why would you want to forgive this a-hole? He's a cheating scumbag. Kick him to the kerb like any other woman would do.
shadowofman Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I am so glad I'm no longer in any position to have to turn down a naked girl in my car. I say dump him and free him up to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Honestly, if you love him, you will give him the freedom to pursue his pleasure. He will obviously pursue it anyway, AND heap the guilt of cheating upon himself enough to feel like he had to tell you. And then if you can't handle him pursuing his pleasure, then you can leave him alone.
Warrior4love Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 If u love him and he is willing to show u he wants to be with u then let him everyone makes mistakes but if he's willing to do anything to make up for it then give the dumb ass a chance it all comes down to do u still love him and can u ever trust him again. Just listen to ur heart. what's it tell u to do?
Woman In Blue Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) He took one of his co workers home and in the car she started to take her close off and play with herself... Then she started to play with him and gave him a BJ in the car. This is actually laughable. Does your boyfriend think he lives in the Penthouse Forum, or something? This lame story sounds like all the others these idiot men make up and send to Penthouse. Except your boyfriend tries to paint the story of her being the sexual aggressor while he was innocently driving the car. Poor victim that he is. You're not clear in your post as to whether he took it upon HIMSELF to confess to you about the BJ all on his own, or whether he ONLY confessed to it after you found the texts. I'm thinking he gave you this bullsh*t story only after you discovered his texts to her. And it IS a bullsh*t story. Cheaters will lie, lie, lie and minimize their involvement with the other person to save their own sorry asses. They're not going to hand over information on a silver platter to help dig their graves. I think you've only scratched the surface and there's ALOT more you don't know. WWIU's post (a few above this one) is right on target - this was NOT just some car BJ. Edited June 2, 2011 by Woman In Blue
YellowShark Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 First of all this is not an affair. This is simply a young guy that was seduced by a slut. This is not about being ready for commitment. Women should not judge men using female standards. Ya. She "forced" him to get a BJ from her. How dare she!
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 First of all this is not an affair. This is simply a young guy that was seduced by a slut. This is not about being ready for commitment. Women should not judge men using female standards. Huh? Does "infidelity" mean a different thing depending upon the gender of the infidel? That's a new one.
fltc Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I want to forgive him but everytime I look at him or the car I think about it And you'll think about it the rest of your life, you'll always see mental images of them together. In time the images will fade but they'll never go away completely. Can you live with that? Make that part of your decision to forgive or not to forgive.
Fugu Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 The blowjob, while a serious blow to the relationship, might not automatically be the end of it in my view. If this had been just a group of people who got drunk and a bit wild at a party, on one occasion, perhaps that could be forgiven. But then I read this... He also tells me he dosent love her and it means nothing to him and he let's me go through his phone and email but he could always be deleting them as I caught him about a week before telling me about everything from our phone bill he had texted her almost 200 times in a billing period and I was getting suspicious before that and asked if he was texting her and he denied it ...which indicates to me that there has been a lot of premeditation on his part. He has wanted to 'find himself' in a situation in which he would get his nob slobbed, and he eventually got what he was looking for. His one act of decency was telling you the truth about the incident. This could be because he was afraid that too many people knew about his conduct on that night, or it could be because he realized it wasn't all it was cracked up to be and has been feeling guilty and remorseful ever since. Or maybe a combination of those two things. Who knows...maybe he even wants out of the relationship but is too cowardly to say it? So he throws this on your lap and hopes you'll take some sort of decisive action. I would just have an open talk about it. Find out what he wants. Find out what he expected to a) get by getting blow, and b) telling you about it. Find out what he expects you to do now. Of course, I wouldn't let any of that factor into your decision, but it would be interesting to know where's at in the relationship.
Steen719 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 First of all this is not an affair. This is simply a young guy that was seduced by a slut. This is not about being ready for commitment. Women should not judge men using female standards. Oh, dear God! Leeny, lose the loser and do not look back!
YellowShark Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 The blowjob, while a serious blow to the relationship, might not automatically be the end of it in my view. If this had been just a group of people who got drunk and a bit wild at a party, on one occasion, perhaps that could be forgiven. But then I read this... It's a full-blown affair. 200+ texts, inviting the OW to their house only while Leeny is out of town, BJs... get real. I was born at night, but I sure as hell wasn't born LAST night.
OldOnTheInside Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 It's a full-blown affair. 200+ texts, inviting the OW to their house only while Leeny is out of town, BJs... get real. I was born at night, but I sure as hell wasn't born LAST night. While I think that it is a bad idea to rush in with assumptions, I also think that it is a bad idea to be hopelessly naive. Think about Occam's Razor ect.
YellowShark Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 While I think that it is a bad idea to rush in with assumptions, I also think that it is a bad idea to be hopelessly naive. Think about Occam's Razor ect. I am very familiar with Occam's Razor and if I apply it to the OP I would say "affair for sure." Here's my math... 200 texts + inviting OW over to party while Leeny is out of town + BJs = physical and emotional affair.
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