Anna86 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 So, I left my computer monitor at my exes place before we broke up and now I need it back. I can replace it but it is really expensive. I have been thinking about replacing it myself but it seems like a waste of money. We don't talk much anymore, my feelings for him have quickly faded. He is a lowlife. So I figured its okay to ask for it back as been in contact with him isn't harmful anymore I just don't want to meet up. Anyway, I don't want to see him so I asked him to leave it somewhere for me and I will go collect it when I get it. He said we could meet up and I said no as we have different schedules and stuff. Not true, but I want to avoid him. Then, he said 'we don't have different schedules' and suggested we meet on Thursday. I said no, just leave it somewhere for me to collect as I really don't feel like having to see him and put up with his crap. And now he hasn't bothered reply to that. WHY is he not replying...... Should I just leave it and replace it myself.
RareBreed Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) No you shouldn't leave it. It's yours. He's probably not replying because he's stubborn & won't take no for an answer. I'm a guy & I wouldn't. Meet up with him at a gas station. Somewhere where you don't have to park & you can be in & outta there. If you are truly over his bull****, anything he says to you should go in one ear & out the other. You should have no worries. So the run down. 1) meet up. (dont show any emotion, happy or sad. 2) ask for your things 3) if he wants To talk, say you'd love to stay & chat but you have to go. 4) say bye & resume no contact. Edited May 23, 2011 by RareBreed Forgot something...
geegirl Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Since you don't have feelings for him, that's good as you won't get sucked in again. Reply to him with, "Hey, ok, I'll meet you infront of the grocery store parking lot/gas station/711 at 6PM. See you then." Don't give him the option of picking a place. If he suggests another place say you are busy and just need the monitor and maybe next time. Take your stuff and NC.
Author Anna86 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Thank you for your reply, I think I will try that IF it comes to it. The problem is I really don't want to give him the satisfaction of meeting me you see. Even forcing a 'hello' would be hard. I know I should be more mature but he hasn't even responded back so I am feeling angry now. I have worked hard moving on from him and am in a GOOD place now. I just want him to leave it somewhere for me. Maybe I came across as rude. I guess I was. I was really formal with him and had no time for chit chat or anything. I told him to be careful with it which was rude as of course he will be. I also told him he could just pay me back the money and keep it if he wants. He has other things of mine that I am willing to forget about. Do I send him an email asking for them after he didn't respond? Or wait for him to get in contact. He is just so immature.
Author Anna86 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 He just sent me back a really bitchy message. Wow, I never saw that side of him. Very much out of character. He is making me feel angry. I am glad I have this site as I would say something mean back but I will be more mature. I am starting to regret wanting it back if this is his attitude.
geegirl Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 My ex has a monitor of mine and some of my other stuff. I've wanted to ask for it back but would rather have my sanity intact. If you can let the monitor go and would rather be done with him, then do that. Nothing is worth your peace of mind. Don't say anything back. No need to feed the fire. I don't know what his bitchy message said but you can choose to leave it alone or hold your ground about leaving it some place. He's being a pouty baby because he's not getting his way.
Author Anna86 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 I kind of laughed off his nasty comment. It was a dig on something I once did while we were together... And then we went back to discussing how we were going to sort out the monitor......It kind of developed into a bigger conversation which I was worried would happen. He kept saying he would meet me and I finally said 'NO, don't you get it, I don't want to meet you'...Then, he said it was silly avoiding each other. I don't think he gets that I hate him. He said he wants to take me and our mutual friends out for dinner and to apologize for all the mess he made. It sounds like a dinner from hell and I am not going to be part of it. In the end he suggested that he sends me the money to my bank account, so I guess it was the best possible outcome in that respect. I really really hate him. Talking to him just made me so frustrated and upset again. Is it normal to feel this way? I felt sad that he is such a bad person and how I let him hurt me. I am really coping well without him, and I have been so happy lately and feeling free. I don't have any romantic feelings for him. I finally see what an ass he is. But I felt anger after speaking to him which surprised me. I am not over my hurt, but I feel over him. If I was totally over everything I guess I should feel nothing after this......
geegirl Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 He said he wants to take me and our mutual friends out for dinner and to apologize for all the mess he made. It sounds like a dinner from hell and I am not going to be part of it. If he felt remorse, he would have called you personally and apologized over the phone. No need to announce it over dinner! Piece of work.
Author Anna86 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 I know, he is bad. However, I don't help myself. While thinking about him after our conversation I took a trip down memory lane and decided to look at his FaceBook. I try hard to not do this anymore and it works. So guys, avoid facebook. Its evil. I looked at a profile of a very BEAUTIFUL girl on his friend list. They were emailing while we were together I am not sure who she is..But he clearly does. He wrote 'wow, you are beautiful. I wish u lived near me' and 'cute' on her profile pictures. This was a few weeks after we broke up. In that time he said he still loved me and had NO feelings for anyone else. He was also happy to be friends with benefits with me..... I don't know, in my opinion its really sleazy to leave comments like that on someones profile. What kind of men do that at 27 years old......It kind of objectifies women? I guess it makes me feel inferior. Which is worse? Feeling inferior? Or the realization that your ex is not the man u thought he was and my judgement was off. All these feelings unleashed over a stupid monitor......
Author Anna86 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 So, I sent him a little email saying how charming it was to found out I was lied to YET again and this time it is a different girl. I know it is in the past, but its still an issue for me. I will never know what I will discover next. I know that all of you will think it is crazy for me to even bother email him. But I have NO desire to be with him, I am not trying to win him back. I honestly just want him to REALIZE he is an ******* and treated me like **** and get some remorse. If he is serious about wanting to fix things, and make things right again with our mutual friends he needs to come clean and just apologize and mean it. But he continues to deny it and even invents crazy stories to over himself. I would not be surprised if he tried to convince me that his dog hacked into his fb account and posted those comments....he is creative and convincing when it comes to lies. Its like he doesn't even realize he is lying...... sorry for rambling on, I pity whoever had to read this crap. Its pretty pathetic and trust me I am in a good place. But I still want my apology.
EgoJoe Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 You are not pathetic. Look at my posts to others and then my thread. It's like Hawking said in "The Grand Design" reality is model dependent and we are all looking at the world through the lens that is our own fish bowl. I'd want my monitor back too and I'd definately want someone to come clean, but, they won't. You'll be alright. Tell him you'll take him to Judge Judy if you don't get your sheiza back though, hehe.
geegirl Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 You expect an apology from someone who lies? High and unrealistic expectations. And even if he did apologize, do you think it would mean a thing coming from someone like that? Remorse? He didn't feel it then, he won't feel it now. The only thing he will feel is as close to going, "Oops, got caught with my hand in the cookie jar." You're trying to squeeze blood from stone. Don't place your expectations on other people. You will be sorely disappointed.
Author Anna86 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Thank you for your kind words Joe. I do want my things back, and him to come clean. Geegirl. you hit the nail on the head there. He will feel ONLY feel regret that he got caught and fear that I might tell people (our mutual friends). This is not the man I fell in love with. The kind of man I love would not do these things. This is why I am shocked. I am not really obsessing over him as a person. I am much more concerned that I let someone who has the potential to do this into my heart. I thought I was smart when it came to men, but I missed something.....This bothers me so much. I thought he was the most genuine, caring and respectful man IN THE WORLD. I thought he was different. I don't think he's smart enough to have been able to keep up the impression he is fantastic during the relationship. So is it possible that he just changed? He went through HUGE life transformations before break up. Or am I an idiot who fell for his charm.....
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