OriginalPenguin Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I broke it off with an on again/off again woman about 7 months ago and have been with someone else for about the past 6. Have been completely no contact ever since, she sent a lot of angry texts early on (she is a very angry person and has a victim complex) and got a couple of hand written letters but none of it phased me. I tried to make things as civil as possible when I ended it but it was not easy, she insulted just about every aspect of my life, etc. We are in the same area which is fairly small and the odds of running into each other are pretty high, even tho I am careful to avoid known hangouts and such. I have no idea how things would go if this happened, especially if I have my current GF with me. Based on past behaviour of the Ex I would not be surprised with a big, ugly confrontation. Or she might just start bawling and run off. I honestly don't know but it scares me a little. What I do know is she recently sent me a drunk text along the lines of "I miss you so much" which was kind of a letdown for me, I have been hoping that she would have found somebody else by now which would make a potential run in a little easier. I have gone this long with NC for a reason, she is a very excitable person and I know that any conversation with her would be long, drawn out, pointless and exhausting. At the same time I am really tired of always looking over my shoulder for her when I go out so I ask: would it be wise to initiate a "Hey how are you" conversation in the hopes of clearing the air? Part of me wonders if this would be better than having it come out of nowhere, especially if I am out with my girlfriend because I honestly don't know if she would be in danger or not...that is how unpredictable this Ex is. *confused*
creighton0123 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Explain to your current girlfriend that you are sorry about taking this long to talk about it, but your last relationship didn't end so well and you're afraid that if you encounter your ex girlfriend in public, she may make a scene. Honesty is usually the best thing in situations like these. Conclude it by saying that your current girlfriend is so much more attractive in every way than your previous. As for the danger.... do you feel yourself capable of keeping your ex off of your girlfriend in case she reacts badly? Or are you talking about knives/guns danger? I've you've been able to go no contact for so long, doubtful that the later would ever manifest.
Author OriginalPenguin Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Explain to your current girlfriend that you are sorry about taking this long to talk about it, but your last relationship didn't end so well and you're afraid that if you encounter your ex girlfriend in public, she may make a scene. Honesty is usually the best thing in situations like these. Conclude it by saying that your current girlfriend is so much more attractive in every way than your previous. As for the danger.... do you feel yourself capable of keeping your ex off of your girlfriend in case she reacts badly? Or are you talking about knives/guns danger? I've you've been able to go no contact for so long, doubtful that the later would ever manifest. My current GF knows about the ex, I have mentioned it and even pointed out why I wish to avoid certain places. She understands, probably because she also had a previous BF that she was afraid of runnining into but that was years ago. The fear I have is not so much danger, it's the unpredictability of her. We had a very volatile relationship, she is the kind of person that seems to be covered in drama. One of the many reasons I broke it off actually. But she has a short fuse, is very bitter and feisty. She actually sucker punched me once so violence is not out of the question. Even failing that, I can just imagine her seeing my new gf, getting jealous and nasty and doing who knows what....at best I would expect a lot of trash talk about me (and some of it may even be true, oy) at worst I can imagine a glass bottle sailing at her face. Neither sounds very inviting. *sigh*
ladyinlimbo Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 My current GF knows about the ex, I have mentioned it and even pointed out why I wish to avoid certain places. She understands, probably because she also had a previous BF that she was afraid of runnining into but that was years ago. The fear I have is not so much danger, it's the unpredictability of her. We had a very volatile relationship, she is the kind of person that seems to be covered in drama. One of the many reasons I broke it off actually. But she has a short fuse, is very bitter and feisty. She actually sucker punched me once so violence is not out of the question. Even failing that, I can just imagine her seeing my new gf, getting jealous and nasty and doing who knows what....at best I would expect a lot of trash talk about me (and some of it may even be true, oy) at worst I can imagine a glass bottle sailing at her face. Neither sounds very inviting. *sigh* Well it's good that you've told your current GF about this firecracker, so at least if any kind of scene did ensue, she'd be somewhat prepared for it. As to whether you should respond to the ex's drunken text.......I'm thinking it probably wouldn't be a good idea because any response from you, even if it was as response along the lines of "hi there. hope all is well with you. I'm in a relationship now so I don't think it's appropriate for us to be communicating like this. I wish you the best." That might just fuel her anger that you're with someone new and cause her to go out of her way to run into you both and cause a scene. And responding to just be friendly in an attempt to keep the peace will likely be construed, by her, as there being some level of interest on your part............and maybe even give her some false sense of 'hope' that there's still a chance for you both. I would say totally ignore her text. Let your current GF know that she did text you; you want her to know what's going on because keeping it a secret might cause some doubt/insecurity for your current GF, you know? You unfortunately cannot control what your crazy ex does...and you should just go on living your life. If she creates a scene, call 911 and let the police deal with her. It's good that you're doing your best to avoid places you know she'd likely be at but you don't want to or shouldn't have to become a hermit because of her instability, that's not fair to you or your new GF. Just ignore the text.
Author OriginalPenguin Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 As to whether you should respond to the ex's drunken text.......I'm thinking it probably wouldn't be a good idea because any response from you, even if it was as response along the lines of "hi there. hope all is well with you. I'm in a relationship now so I don't think it's appropriate for us to be communicating like this. I wish you the best." That might just fuel her anger that you're with someone new and cause her to go out of her way to run into you both and cause a scene. And responding to just be friendly in an attempt to keep the peace will likely be construed, by her, as there being some level of interest on your part............and maybe even give her some false sense of 'hope' that there's still a chance for you both. Wow it sounds like you might actually know this person. That is spot on. Those reactions are what I expect, my thinking was "Should I get it out of the way right now?" or wait for the inevitable run in, probably in public somewhere. I would say totally ignore her text. Let your current GF know that she did text you; you want her to know what's going on because keeping it a secret might cause some doubt/insecurity for your current GF, you know? You unfortunately cannot control what your crazy ex does...and you should just go on living your life. If she creates a scene, call 911 and let the police deal with her. It's good that you're doing your best to avoid places you know she'd likely be at but you don't want to or shouldn't have to become a hermit because of her instability, that's not fair to you or your new GF. Just ignore the text. I think I have always known the answer here and you have affirmed it for me. Thanks!
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