aboheleven Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Ok so I dated a guy out of the blue -- he literally called me on valentines day for a first date. (I'm really good friends with his sister and have known of him for a few years but we never dated etc.). we went out - had a great time and started dating. things progressed really fast (going out 3-4 times a week, making summer plans, etc). I was really happy because he's a great guy that treated me awesome (flowers, fun dinners) and was smart, cute, etc. I thought i had won the lotto. About 2 months in his birthday rolled around, he invited me to his party with his friends but let me know his ex may be there (there were broken up for 2 years at this point and she has a new bf). I said i didn't mind, but then out of nowhere he drops the bombshell that he still interested in her. I broke it off and was really upset and stopped talking/communicating with him. He did the same. I was crushed. Anyway fast forward about 5 weeks, i was basically over it, and here's where my question for you guys comes in. Last week he showed up at my birthday party. I was shocked to say the least but was pleasant and still enjoyed my birthday. Since last week he's come over my house twice to fix a problem i had with my door for awhile (he's handy and offered to fix it at my party as my bday gift). When it was finnaly fixed the other day (it's been an annoying 5 trips to home depot, power tools nightmare to fix this thing), he made excuses to hang out at my apartment then drove me to a work engagement I had that evening. Then thought of something else to fix as well that he'd do in the coming weeks. He seemed generally bummed to have to leave my presence, but now I'm more confused than ever. (he hasnt' made a physical move and has not asked me on a one on one date.) WHAT IS GOING ON? (we're both in our 30's and are single/no kids). His sister who is my friend is as confused as I am.
creighton0123 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I'm going to be a little judgmental.... You're in your 30's? He decided to be honest and tell you that he still had feelings for and was attracted to an ex girlfriend... and instead of talking about it you immediately became crushed, broke up with him and ceased all contact? From my perspective it seems that the bombshell wasn't his being honest, but your reaction. Communicate with the guy. If you want to be in a relationship with him, ask him if he is interested in you. Go forward from there.
Author aboheleven Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 well he kinda didn't give me an option. he was like if she wants to get back with me I'm gonna do it -- and i was like -- well I dont want to be a back up plan, I'm worth being first. then he said he never looked at it that way and left. with that said i don't think i made the wrong decision -- if you're growing a relationship and someone puts up a wall like that it's hard to keep going. which is why now i'm very confused with why he's contacting me/showing up at my party/ trying to fix things.
utterer of lies Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 well he kinda didn't give me an option. he was like if she wants to get back with me I'm gonna do it -- and i was like -- well I dont want to be a back up plan, I'm worth being first. then he said he never looked at it that way and left. with that said i don't think i made the wrong decision -- if you're growing a relationship and someone puts up a wall like that it's hard to keep going. which is why now i'm very confused with why he's contacting me/showing up at my party/ trying to fix things. Because Plan A (aka his Ex) obviously didn't work out, and you are still the backup plan.
Author aboheleven Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Because Plan A (aka his Ex) obviously didn't work out, and you are still the backup plan. i can see what you mean by that. since she does have a boyfriend she lives with and she didn't show at his birthday party in the end (his sister told me), I guess i still am the backup plan. here's my thing though - he's a fun good looking guy -- why not just date other women? why bark up my tree when i made it clear i wasn't game for that scenario?
Author aboheleven Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 if anyone else has any insight that would be great - but thanks all the same!
TuffCookieX Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 He sounds like a douche who is taking you off his backburner. If I was in your shoes, I'd let him in my life, but only because I make all the wrong decisions in life to get myself hurt. Hopefully, you are better at taking advice than I am. I am only good at giving it.
utterer of lies Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 i can see what you mean by that. since she does have a boyfriend she lives with and she didn't show at his birthday party in the end (his sister told me), I guess i still am the backup plan. here's my thing though - he's a fun good looking guy -- why not just date other women? why bark up my tree when i made it clear i wasn't game for that scenario? Because you are Plan B and finding someone else is Plan C. Finding someone new compatible enough to at least want to date them for a few times is still much harder than trying to fix things with you. At least that's how I read his behavior. No woman wants to admit she's ok with being Plan B, but some will still accept the role rather than being alone or having a less interesting bf that treats them better.
CambridgeGirl Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 You are a fallback, you deserve better, tell him to go fiddle with someone elses door frames. what a prize jerk to tell you he is still interested in her whilst dating you, I mean, seriously, get rid.
angie16 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) i guess there are no second chances -- could he really honestly feel like he made a mistake and want her back? Edited May 23, 2011 by angie16
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