Dust Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 He said you were going to waste your youth dating around… What a joke. You’d waste your youth if you continued dating him. He was messaging back and forth with Craigslist casual encounter people! (He was bound to cheat or already has) You seem like a cool girl, it also seems like you guys had something special. In the end he is the one who will look back and regret. He left you know choice he destroyed the trust you two had built up. He took away your hope for a future with him. Now you do have hope again.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 He said you were going to waste your youth dating around… What a joke. You’d waste your youth if you continued dating him. He was messaging back and forth with Craigslist casual encounter people! (He was bound to cheat or already has) You seem like a cool girl, it also seems like you guys had something special. In the end he is the one who will look back and regret. He left you know choice he destroyed the trust you two had built up. He took away your hope for a future with him. Now you do have hope again. Totally agree. It's actually a good thing that he got nasty at the end -- that gives you even more information about his rotten character, and I'm sure it really helped you put the final nail in the coffin. kiss_andmakeup, I have always liked you and thought that you have a good head on your shoulders. I really like how you are not letting this wreck you and tear up your self esteem. I'm sure this has been very painful, but you seem to be handling it with a lot of grace and composure. I'm sure you'll go on to have relationships with guys much more on your level. You can and will do way better than this guy.
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 He said you were going to waste your youth dating around… What a joke. You’d waste your youth if you continued dating him. He was messaging back and forth with Craigslist casual encounter people! (He was bound to cheat or already has) You seem like a cool girl, it also seems like you guys had something special. In the end he is the one who will look back and regret. He left you know choice he destroyed the trust you two had built up. He took away your hope for a future with him. Now you do have hope again. I do feel like we had something special; that's the hardest part of all of this. But I had to sit down and evaluate whether I really wanted to settle for that kind of behaviour and the bottom line is that I don't want to and I don't have to. Thanks for the encouragement. Totally agree. It's actually a good thing that he got nasty at the end -- that gives you even more information about his rotten character, and I'm sure it really helped you put the final nail in the coffin. kiss_andmakeup, I have always liked you and thought that you have a good head on your shoulders. I really like how you are not letting this wreck you and tear up your self esteem. I'm sure this has been very painful, but you seem to be handling it with a lot of grace and composure. I'm sure you'll go on to have relationships with guys much more on your level. You can and will do way better than this guy. RE: your first paragraph, YES, absolutely. I was shocked when he said that to me. I very well could have said something like that to him, considering he's the one who messed up. But I care about him, so I wouldn't have dreamed of saying such a thing. How shocked I was to hear him say those things, when I used to think he thought so highly of me. Thanks, RS, for the kind words and encouragement. You have no idea how much it helps.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 How shocked I was to hear him say those things, when I used to think he thought so highly of me. I'm sure he did and still does think very highly of you. He just has a lot of darkness in his heart, clearly. One of my exes said one of the meanest things a partner has ever said to me at the very end, after 3 1/2 years together. I couldn't believe he could be so callous and cruel, after everything we'd been through together. Even though I know he was just messed up, I am still (8 years later) somewhat haunted by what he said. Four months after the split, he told me his life was ****, he was wrong about everything, breaking up with me was the biggest mistake of his life, and he knew he would always regret it. I kept in sporadic touch with him for a few years, and he NEVER got out of all that negativity and gloom. And this from a guy who had seemed very happy most of the time we were together. Then he finally ended our distant, e-mail-only contact, because he said it was too painful for him. Very sad, but it was all about his crap.
sweetjasmine Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 At one point when everything was going down he said something that really hit me. I can't remember his exact words because the whole evening is such a blur. But it was to the effect of, I'm just going to waste my youth dating around and then realize, when I don't find anyone else and end up alone in my 30's or 40's or beyond, that I made a huge mistake by not giving him another chance. Wow. Well, maybe you should follow his example and waste your youth lying to your partner while trolling for Craigslist "casual encounters" on the side instead, right? That really rocked my self esteem. He thinks I am that undesirable that I won't be able to find someone else eventually? I think that was a showing of his true colours - I would never say something like that to him. He has since retracted that statement, claiming it was just a defense mechanism used in the heat of the moment. You're right: that was him showing his true colors. He said it to knock you down a peg thinking that if he drags down your self-esteem low enough, you'll stick around out of desperation and turn a blind eye to his behavior. What a horrible thing to say. He basically told me that I won't be able to find someone who loves me as much as he does and that I'll end up alone. Hopefully you won't find someone who loves you like he did, since his love apparently involved soliciting sex from strangers behind your back. I think you can survive without that kind of BS in your life. I think he might be projecting a little there, too. Isn't he older than you? kiss_andmakeup, please don't let yourself question what you could've done differently. Someone who gets off on sneaking around behind their partner's back exchanging emails with women on Craigslist isn't ever going to stop even if they have the most wonderful person on earth in their bedroom. I really admire your strength and clear-headedness and I'm sorry you had to go through this.
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Wow. Well, maybe you should follow his example and waste your youth lying to your partner while trolling for Craigslist "casual encounters" on the side instead, right? You're right: that was him showing his true colors. He said it to knock you down a peg thinking that if he drags down your self-esteem low enough, you'll stick around out of desperation and turn a blind eye to his behavior. What a horrible thing to say. Hopefully you won't find someone who loves you like he did, since his love apparently involved soliciting sex from strangers behind your back. I think you can survive without that kind of BS in your life. I think he might be projecting a little there, too. Isn't he older than you? kiss_andmakeup, please don't let yourself question what you could've done differently. Someone who gets off on sneaking around behind their partner's back exchanging emails with women on Craigslist isn't ever going to stop even if they have the most wonderful person on earth in their bedroom. I really admire your strength and clear-headedness and I'm sorry you had to go through this. Thanks jasmine, I'm trying. Your encouragement helps a lot.
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