sirens_song Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Ok, so to make a very, very long story shortish..... I met a guy online last December. We were supposed to meet when I was up north where he lives, but were never able to work out the logistics. I went back home, yet we kept talking. It was very sporadic for quite a few months, a text conversation once a week, nothing more. For some reason in late march-early april, we starting talking more. I've always felt that we have a good connection. We can talk about basically anything and never tire of conversing with each other. Plus, we seem to have the same sexual interests/insatiable appetite. Here is my issue: We have been texting every day and chatting verbally about once a week for the past 5 weeks or so. He has said on more occasion than one that if I were not so far away, I'd definitely be his girlfriend. And then said that he doesn't usually express himself so candidly to women, but I am incredibly close to perfect and he doesn't understand 'this'. For a while he tried to figure out what we are, and said that if he started dating someone else he would feel wrong, knowing that I am 'out there'. Here is the crux of the issue: He has invited me to go on a trip with a bunch of his friends this Summer. I've accepted his offer, only now I am wondering what will become of us. I know I will most likely sleep with him, because it would be more than just casual sex after all of these months talking. I just wonder if he will decide not to pursue anything after all because of the distance? If I totally let down my guard and fall for him, I would be hurt if this were to happen. So I am just trying to decide whether or not to maintain the 'prickly exterior' i have constructed for myself, or give in to how amazing he is. Also, I am moving up north this Fall, so I will be closer to him. Not under 200 miles... but a lot closer than I am now. Thoughts? Comments? Advice? Thank you!!!!
creighton0123 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Step back a little and do the following four things: 1. Don't base so much communication in text messaging. It's never a good thing. Repeat: It's never, ever ever a good thing. Replace it with phone/voice/video chat. 2. Rewind a tad and realize that at this point despite your hours of wonderful conversation, you're still just casually dating this person. By that logic, when you go on this trip with his friends, have sex if you want to have sex and enjoy it for the sex that it is. 3. Check on the details of this trip. Make sure that you're in some good company. Right now you truly don't know this person. See if other girls will be around for your own well being. 4. Take back some power and control. It's not JUST him that needs to make a decision about a relationship. You have just as much power as him at this point in time. You deserve something that seems right from the very beginning. If you settle for anything less or for someone who is going to play games like this young man seems to be, you're well within your rights to walk away. You're in control here, not him.
Author sirens_song Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Thanks for responding. We do talk about once a week (as I said) and it's really hard for us to get off the phone. The chats usually end because we have to go to sleep or something. I definitely see what you're saying about me having just as much control as I do, and I believe that to be true. He has never asked for naked pictures or anything, which is basically unheard of given our current 'online' situation. There will be other girls there, yes. I think I'll just take things as they come and not go in with high expectations. All that aside, it should be an awesome vacation!
creighton0123 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Thanks for responding. We do talk about once a week (as I said) and it's really hard for us to get off the phone. The chats usually end because we have to go to sleep or something. I definitely see what you're saying about me having just as much control as I do, and I believe that to be true. He has never asked for naked pictures or anything, which is basically unheard of given our current 'online' situation. There will be other girls there, yes. I think I'll just take things as they come and not go in with high expectations. All that aside, it should be an awesome vacation! Great. Hope you have a great vacation. Consider it a trial run. You're going in to meet him and see if the two of you will work in a relationship or long distance relationship. I'd approach it with the mental image of a first date :-)
Author sirens_song Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 That's an excellent idea! And oddly enough, exactly what he said... He made a point to say that we will do what we feel, and that there is no pressure in any way, shape or form. I like that, naturally. Thanks again
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