Velociraptor Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 So, conversely, if the man earns more, the relationship is skewed in his favor? Why is this "correct" in your view? Yes, but only if the woman pursued him. If the man earns more but also did the pursuing it's balanced.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I think people who aspire to just stay home and depending on the other spouse for sustenance are just lazy people with little ambition. They just wanna enjoy their time with their children at home while the other spouse works his arse off and rarely sees his kids which is probably the reason why many fathers are detached from their children. Well, there are plenty of people (most of them very traditional men) who LOVE the idea of their spouse staying at home, hands on raising the children, keeping a lovely environment, etc. If both partners want that, what's your issue with it? If you don't want it ... don't have it! I hardly know any women who want that role; off the top of my head, I can't think of any, though there are certainly millions of them. And, if a man "works his arse off and rarely sees his kids," that's on HIM. His choice. It's not because of his wife, society, or anybody else.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Yes, but only if the woman pursued him. If the man earns more but also did the pursuing it's balanced. How do the people figure out how much money the other has before the pursuing commences? Of course, a bus boy can reliably assume that a doctor will be earning more that he is ... but what if one of the people has a lot of money in the bank? What if their profession is "sales person"? Sales people can earn a lot, or barely anything. How does one figure this out before getting to know someone? Whats YOUR personal experience? What's your dating life now? Are you pursuing women who are at a lower socioeconomic level than you are (so you can have "control," which to me sounds kind of creepy), or are you being pursued currently by some wealthy ladies?
Velociraptor Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Are you pursuing women who are at a lower socioeconomic level than you are (so you can have "control," which to me sounds kind of creepy) I pursue so I can have control? The woman has all the "control" as far as I'm concerned in relationships especially if the man pursues(which is always the case anyway), if I earn more it atleast let's me keep some dignity without being totally emasculated.
donnamaybe Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If you need more money than someone else to make your dick feel big, you have problems much bigger than your bottom line. I would have whatever living/earning situation worked out the best for all concerned, whether it be both working and both doing house chores, or one or the other working. Wouldn't matter if it was the man or the woman, as long as everything that needs to get done gets done and everyone is satisfied with the arrangements.
Woggle Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 In most cases like this that I have witnessed the woman starts losing respect for the man and attraction goes out the window. I knew a woman once who was the breadwinner and she admitted that her husband did a great job with the homemaking thing but she was no longer attracted to him. She cheated on him because in here eyes if she was going to be the man she has the right to act like one.
Velociraptor Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If you need more money than someone else to make your dick feel big, you have problems much bigger than your bottom line. Did you even read my post? Yeah offcourse, you want the man to earn less than you... and still chase you. Jeez I guess I'm sorry for just wanting to keep som dignity and not wanting to be emasculated.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I would for sure. I think when a couple brings children into the world, they owe it to them to actually BE parents....not just sticking them into daycare and letting someone else raise their kid, so that they can make the almighty dollar. If I was in a marriage and we could exist on my salary (which I'm sure we could) and it made more financial sense for me to keep working and him to stay home and raise the kids, RIGHT ON!! What peace I would have knowing that my kids are being properly cared for, that peace of mind is priceless. I'm sure it's horribly hard for many parents to work all day and be worrying about their kids at the daycare. I think the bond between the kids and their Dad would be even more intense and special, and that would be awesome. I grew up with a Dad who had to work away from home a lot and I missed him terribly and when he did come home, it was almost like he was a stranger for the first few days....it was tough for him and for us but it's what he had to do and today I am very close with my Dad. So anyway, I am totally for it. If it's financially feasible, right on.........it's best for the kids and the total family unit.
Velociraptor Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 One reason I think it's better for the woman to stay at home with the kids, is simply. Because women are kinder, more "warmhearted" and more "sweet" to their kids. I think most kids would rather have their mom at home than their daddy. I did anyway. I would have hated it if my dad had been home all the time.
Star Gazer Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I am not ever having children, but IF I were to have them, I would support a stay at home husband. Actually...I think that would be the only circumstance in which I would have kids! I'm starting to feel the same way! I don't think I could spend most of my days communicating with babies/toddlers and moms at mommy and me classes. I'd need daily adult, stimulating, analytical, brainstorming, and in person conversation, which for me is best found at work. I've known a harmful of house-husbands, and boyyyyyyy were they MISERABLE. They each felt their man card had been taken away.
donnamaybe Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 She cheated on him because in here eyes if she was going to be the man she has the right to act like one.Ahhh, and here we go! Men have a right to cheat because they're men. Um, yeah. Okay.
Woggle Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Ahhh, and here we go! Men have a right to cheat because they're men. Um, yeah. Okay. She was the one who said it not me. I don't think anybody has a right to cheat.
donnamaybe Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 One reason I think it's better for the woman to stay at home with the kids, is simply. Because women are kinder, more "warmhearted" and more "sweet" to their kids. You haven't seen some of the bytches I've encountered at the grocery store.
Els Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If for some miraculous reason I begot several kids unintentionally, I would actually prefer to work and support the hubby to stay at home, provided he does all the housework and takes care of the kids all the time, as most SAHMs do. Advancing in career and interacting with real people out there for a fixed number of hours a week definitely beats a 24/7 job at home doing menial tasks and listening to the cries of babies.
denise_xo Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If for some miraculous reason I begot several kids unintentionally, I would actually prefer to work and support the hubby to stay at home, provided he does all the housework and takes care of the kids all the time, as most SAHMs do. Advancing in career and interacting with real people out there for a fixed number of hours a week definitely beats a 24/7 job at home doing menial tasks and listening to the cries of babies. +1 one this one.
donnamaybe Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 She was the one who said it not me. I don't think anybody has a right to cheat.So you're going to use the words of someone who you already KNOW has some psychological issues as an example?
Woggle Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 So you're going to use the words of someone who you already KNOW has some psychological issues as an example? I am using it as an example of how some women feel about stay at home dads.
donnamaybe Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I am using it as an example of how some women feel about stay at home dads. Yep. Crazy women.
Velociraptor Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If for some miraculous reason I begot several kids unintentionally, I would actually prefer to work and support the hubby to stay at home, provided he does all the housework and takes care of the kids all the time, as most SAHMs do. Advancing in career and interacting with real people out there for a fixed number of hours a week definitely beats a 24/7 job at home doing menial tasks and listening to the cries of babies. Virtually no man would agree to such an emasculating deal and you'd be doing the kids no favors by making their dad be with them, most kids prefer to have their mother at home instead of their dad. Best thing to do if you unintenionally had kids = put them up for adoption.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If you need more money than someone else to make your dick feel big, you have problems much bigger than your bottom line. No kidding! I am getting concerned about how Velo has repeated that earning less = emasculation. Velociraptor, for the sake of your fragile self esteem and sense of masculinity, I sure hope you are a bazillionaire. Regardless, I also hope that no women get involved with you unless you get the help you need to move away from the attitudes towards my gender that you have. Not healthy, dude.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Virtually no man would agree to such an emasculating deal and you'd be doing the kids no favors by making their dad be with them, most kids prefer to have their mother at home instead of their dad. Most kids would prefer to play outside or on computer games all day rather than go to school, too. So what. Velociraptor, you have referred to "emasculation" a few times on this thread. I assure you that a person's gender identity really should not be completely dependent upon how much money he or she earns, their "leverage" with the opposite sex, or how, when and how much they participate in domestic life.
Els Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Virtually no man would agree to such an emasculating deal and you'd be doing the kids no favors by making their dad be with them, most kids prefer to have their mother at home instead of their dad. Best thing to do if you unintenionally had kids = put them up for adoption. Well, tell the OP that. He seems to think it's a privilege and he would love it.
Els Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) My mother managed to work full time, study, keep a spotless house, did all the cooking. As did my grandmother. It's the environment I was raised in, I won't be any different. Now this, I find a little iffy, especially the fact that the OP is supporting it despite him being all 'EQUALITYEQUALITYEQUALITY' in other aspects. If a woman is working full time as well as the man, why should she be the one to 'keep a spotless house and do all the cooking'? If there is to be equality in work contribution, should not both parties contribute equally to the housekeeping as well? Also, I don't doubt that it is possible, but some people prefer not to send their kids to daycare for 8+ hours a day, which is literally unavoidable with both parents working, even with supermom, unless she works fro home. In that case, one of them would stay at home to take care of the kids. An average income of, say, $4000/month can support a frugal family relatively easily. Edited May 23, 2011 by Elswyth
donnamaybe Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Now this, I find a little iffy, especially the fact that the OP is supporting it despite him being all 'EQUALITYEQUALITYEQUALITY' in other aspects. If a woman is working full time as well as the man, why should she be the one to 'keep a spotless house and do all the cooking'? If there is to be equality in work contribution, should not both parties contribute equally to the housekeeping as well?I agree. I would HATE to send the message to any future daughters that women are the only gender that has to just suck it up and slave away in the home while the males get to lay back and watch football (or whatever).
ladyinlimbo Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Now this, I find a little iffy, especially the fact that the OP is supporting it despite him being all 'EQUALITYEQUALITYEQUALITY' in other aspects. If a woman is working full time as well as the man, why should she be the one to 'keep a spotless house and do all the cooking'? If there is to be equality in work contribution, should not both parties contribute equally to the housekeeping as well? Also, I don't doubt that it is possible, but some people prefer not to send their kids to daycare for 8+ hours a day, which is literally unavoidable with both parents working, even with supermom, unless she works fro home. In that case, one of them would stay at home to take care of the kids. An average income of, say, $4000/month can support a frugal family relatively easily. If both parents are working full time, they BOTH should be contributing to household chores and such. One of my good friends is married, she's in her late 30s; they have 2 kids (ages 9 and 11). Her and hubby both work full time. Hubby figures that once he comes home from work that his work is done. He feels it's the "woman's job" to clean, grocery shop, cook, do laundry, get the kids ready for bed, help them with homework and school projects, etc. The only thing he really does around the house, if asked, is take out the trash and mow the lawn. He expects to come home to dinner on the table...no help with clean-up of dishes....he's the king and that after dinner he deserves to be able to relax and watch TV. She's concerned about this because their children are 2 boys and she's fearful that they will grow up believing that this is the way it's done..........that a wife, even if working full time, is still expected to single-handedly run the home and do all of the domestic stuff. She works just as hard in her job as he does, and she never complains. She is run ragged a lot of the time and while he often spends the weekends relaxing, she never has any free time to herself. I feel badly for her.
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