this post is as long as the bible,but can you read it?

[elisaa]

and give advice?? this will be long, but there are a lot of things to say so you get the whole picture and I need opinions and advice...I'm confused...scared...

 

I met this guy online a few months ago,we live in the same city,at first we just talked on msn,it was cool,getting to know each other,I'm a night owl and he is too,we are both loners...not by choice,for different reasons we dont have many friends,lol,so we spent every night there,on msn,talking mostly from 8pm till 3 am...we shared a lot of things,likes/dislikes,some stories of our past,etc...until one day I told him that since we spent every night there talking we should just meet in person and spend the same time together,but in person...he said he agreed...but seemed hesitant...

 

one night,we were craving for Carls jr. burgers...I said we should go get one,together,he said yes,but still seemed hesitant and wouldnt say where to meet,etc...I didnt either and we just talked till 3am again...a few days later the same thing happened,only this time we did meet,I picked him up at his house,he had told me weeks ago how he lost his wallet and drivers license and that he was driving as little as he could until he got the license again...so I agreed to pick him up and we had our burgers and a lot of fun talking...then we didnt know where to go,he said lets go somewhere to talk...we didnt know where...I wasnt taking him to my apartment,so I was just driving and he said: lets go to the park,we can walk and talk there...we did...until 4 am...I dropped him at his house and the next days we talked on msn only again...I asked him to meet a couple of times, but he seemed hesitant again...so I didnt insist...I figured he hadnt liked me and he wouldnt want to meet again...

 

what I have known about him from these long conversations is that he is 30,Im 28,he was a wild teenager and got into a lot of trouble,he dropped out of university and did a lot of stupid things,now he is trying to get the time back and he is managing a family business,his father owns a business and has a branch in this city,he is planning on opening his own business because he doesnt like depending on his father and not deciding for himself when it comes to the business...he always talks about his parents,their divorce,his brother and sister, his nephews...he has confessed he used to drink a lot and he once was involved in a car accident where one person died,which is also why he drives as little as possible,he now claims to only drink once in a while with the guys and always at home...he says he messed up badly a lot of times..but he says he is focused on different things now,his future,the business,he says he is not a child anymore and he wants something better,something stable...

 

 

after we met in person,whenever we talked it was different,but in a good way,it was like we were both interested in something else..

 

days passed,for about a week we agreed to meet,but while we were talking about where to meet,etc...he would leave me alone on msn,he wouldnt reply...or he just logged off...it was like he stood me up...then he would make excuses,saying he fell asleep or someone was at his house,etc...one night on msn I told him a lot of things and that if he didnt want to meet,he should just say so...instead of making me think he did...he said he did want to...I said I just wanted to get to know him and that I really liked talking to him...he said he did too and that he was really sorry for what had happened...

 

then he started talking about a weekend trip,every year he travels on the same weekend with the same people,it's a tradition...I made a comment saying I would miss him,since I was used to talking to him everyday and he said: nah,you wouldnt....the conversation got to a point where I sent him a hug and kiss and he said they would feel great in person...and I told him he should try...he said he was too scared to try something like that,because he wouldnt know what my reaction might be...he said he didnt want to risk my friendship...I couldnt help asking a lot of questions and in the end he repplied: it's just fear ok?....I stopped with the questions and just said I would really like it,he said he would love it,that he liked me and I said: you only saw me once in person...he said he meant me as a person not my looks and he gave me a long list ot qualities he sees in me...I did the same and then he said we shouldnt be doing that through msn,but in person...I said yeah but you just wont let me see you...he said we would see each other soon...

 

the next day he invited me to his soccer game...then we went to the park again,talked and talked till 4 am,then I dropped him home again and I asked for my hug,he said he was dirty from playing and I said I didnt care...so we hugged...we agreed to meet the next day,because he would leave the day after that...but we didnt,he had to travel nearby for the business and came back late and still had to pack,etc...we talked on msn though and started talking about us,he again said he liked me...then he said: if I told you I wanted to start a relationship,would you accept? I said yes,then he said: I want you to give me that chance...I told him I wanted us both to have that chance...to try it...that maybe it was too soon but that I felt something for him....he said it wasnt too soon,that things just were like that and he said he wanted to have a relationship,that he felt nice when he was with me,that he liked me,that he wanted me to give him a chance...we agreed on trying it....he left the next day...

 

since I met him he said he didnt use a cell phone...he has been trying not to for a few months because his father was a pain,calling him 24hrs asking about the business...so when he lost it he didnt get a new one...so our only contact is through msn and in person...that weekend was a long one for me...I didnt know anything about him...it was weird...but good for me...learning to be patient...

 

he came back on a sunday and for a couple of days we planned to meet but something came up,he said was sick for a few days,because he drank a lot on that trip...he was also very tired...and other excuses,I barely talked to him those days...I figured he had just been lying to me...on thursday he stood me up,he said he was going to buy something and when he got back he would log on to tell me so I could pick him up...he logged on late at night and I asked him to explain...he started saying we should leave it like that,that he wasnt good for me,that he didnt mean to do that but someone picked him to go to a bar...he said he didnt want to hurt me...I asked him if he wanted a relationship or not,he said yes,that he knew I didnt believe him,but that he wants something real with me,something that will last...he said he knew I was thinking I was just a game for him,but that I wasnt..I told him what I thought and felt and we agreed we still had a "relationship" and that we would see each other the next day...deep inside I was feeling sad and thinking he was lying...the next day I had no news about him...so I just tried to forget about him and go on with my life...

 

he sent a txt message to my cell at 2am asking me to pick him up at a bar...I was just coming back from a party with friends and the bar was nearby,so I couldnt resist and went to pick him up...he had been drinking,but was not drunk...I asked what was going on with him and he said we had to talk and that we should go somewhere...I decided to go and park outside of his house and then I asked for an explanation...he said he had been drinking a lot that day,that he was so tired of it and he couldnt think of anyone else to pick him up...he told me so much that day,that he knows the guys he hangs out with are not friends and he started again telling me about his past,he talked in detail about the accident where a person died,about other things he had done...he told me this was who he was and that he wanted a relationship with me but that he couldnt change that...I told him I accepted him with all of that but that I didnt want him to get lost again,to make excuses,that I wanted something real and I wanted him to commit to our relationship if we decided to have one...he agreed he would make an effort for us...we kissed a lot and he started touching a lot but nothing else happend...I left at 6 am that day...

 

then for a couple of days I was out of town,so we just talked on msn...then when I came back he kind of disappeared on me for a whole day...I was so sad,so anxious that I just wrote a very long message on his msn...among the things I said,I asked if he was just looking for sex...he logged on a couple of hours later,he said he had messed up again and he was so sorry,that he just wasnt used to a relationship anymore...that what hurt him the most was that I was thinking he just wanted sex...once again our talking led to the same conclusion,a relationship...

 

the next time we met it was at my apartment...we talked again for hours,we ended up making out,when he tried to go further I made him stop and he did...the next day we talked about it on msn,he said he wanted to ask something but didnt want me to take it the wrong way,I told him to just ask...he asked if I was afraid of sex...I then confessed I was a virgin...once again he said he wasnt looking for sex and was not with me for sex...he said he respected it and that if it happened between us,cool,if it didnt,it was ok too..

 

the next day we met again at my apartment...after hours of talking again,we started making out,I initiated it this time...we ended up having sex...it was my first time...I felt no regrets and it was just the right moment...when it was over he said I love you....after that I drove him home again,lol,while driving I started feeling sad,that he would get lost again or something...when we stopped at his house I asked him not to,he said he wouldnt,I told him I wasnt so sure...he asked me to trust him and he got out of the car and I left...hours later,at work I was feeling terrible,I was sure I wouldnt see him again,etc...I opened my msn and I had a long message from him,telling me he was worried about what I had said and asking me to believe in him,that he wasnt just looking for sex,that I am not an object he can just play with and toss,that he wants something real with me,that he loves me...it made my day...

 

from then on...he hasnt lost contact,he is online most of the time,he knows I am always online with my cell phone...so he is most of the time online,only when he has to do work stuff,that he'll be out of the office is when he logs off for hours...his father came to visit and that made it difficult for us to see...one day he said he had a soccer game and wanted me to go and then we could do something else...be together...he was at work and asked me to wait for him to get home and check the time that the game was starting...he didnt log on again...I was so tired of the whole thing that I went to the field to look for him,I waited for the game to be over and when it was he walked straight to the car and said hi...I told him I needed to talk and he got into the car,I said: it will be quick and I'll drive back here if you want,he said the team was having a couple of beers but he didnt care...lets go he said and I drove to the park again,I told him I just needed to talk and again told him all of the things I had said before...I said I didn’t want a msn relationship…he said he understood,but that someone was waiting for him when he got home,to go to the game and he couldnt make them wait to turn on the computer and tell me...then he asked me to really give him a chance,he said it was just a phase,he had to get used to having a relationship and asked me to give him a chance...I said it was the last one...

 

that happened a week ago...during the week we saw each other twice and he is always online,he doesnt get lost for more than a few hours...last night,saturday night,he was online early afternoon and I was waiting to see if we could make plans for the night,he told me he was about to take a shower,but waiting for his brother to use the bathroom...they live together...then he didnt reply on msn...I waited half an hour and turned my status to offline...I then decided to visit my mother,who lives an hour away...I drove there and all the time he was still online...I didnt change my status until 11 pm...he immediately said hi and asked if I was mad,I said no,he said he had been waiting for me,that he took a shower and when he came back his brother was using the computer and he just waited,he didnt think I would leave...I told him I was out of town,he was surprised,he said he had wanted us to do something,I told him that since he is always leaving me there alone and stuff like that,that I assumed it was the same and just left town to see mom....he said he understood...and we spent the night on msn talking again...until 4 am...

 

today,I decided not to be online all day again...I logged on with offline status until 7pm and saw him online...I was out with mom so I didnt change status...when I was back home at 8 he was offline...and it's almost midnight and I know nothing about him...

the thing is…I don’t know what to think…I just confused…should I believe him? Should I be thinking there is something he is not telling me?? I mean when he talks,I feel honesty in him…he has told me things that if it were me…I wouldn’t easily tell anyone…like the car accident where a guy died,like stuff he did when he was younger…like his drinking problem...which I do believe its not an issue anymore…he tells me so much about his family and their problems,a lot about the business and how hard it is becoming to manage it…he has told me about his wishes,about how much he regrets the things he did,because now his life would be different…he has talked about how it makes him sad to see his friends having a family and a home of their own...and seeing he has nothing…I am sure he wasn’t looking for sex because he only tried it once and when I made him stop he did,the next time he didn’t try anything until I did…I pick him up at his house too and I know where he plays soccer,if he was hiding something it wouldn’t be like that right? plus when I pick him up,I ask where do we go? he says: wherever you want, the park or dinner,anywhere is good...he has never ever suggested going to my apartment...when we have been here,its my idea...when we are together,he just holds my hand at the most,for hours while talking...I'm the one who gets closer and then he hugs me and then he starts kissing me...

 

I have this feeling that he hides something…I just need your opinion…your advice…I need to have some peace in my mind…before I start going crazy,lol…

Sorry for such a long post…

[sanskrit]

OK, so you lost your virginity to a sketchy alcoholic guy whose place you have never been to who disappears alot? He is either married or in a relationship, sorry to say.

[Timmeh]

I was expecting 1000 pages and all I got was around 1-2 full pages of text. I am disapoint.

[elisaa]

a relationship maybe...but married?? I pick him up at his house,we have been outside of it until 6am and almost everyday he spends the whole night with me,in person or online....as soon as hes out of work he will be online to talk until 3 or 4 am...or we meet until that time too...when he does dissappear its for one night or one day at a time...

[Lucky_One]

OK, so you lost your virginity to a sketchy alcoholic guy whose place you have never been to who disappears alot? He is either married or in a relationship, sorry to say.

 

Ditto.

 

And from personal experience, you do NOT want to be involved with an active alcoholic.

[sanskrit]

a relationship maybe...but married?? I pick him up at his house,

 

and how can you be sure of this?

 

and almost everyday he spends the whole night with me,in person or online....as soon as hes out of work he will be online to talk until 3 or 4 am...or we meet until that time too...when he does dissappear its for one night or one day at a time...

 

all the above could be easily accomplished by a married man "damn honey sorry about all these long hours at work!"

 

Of course I don't know that he is married or in a relationship or not, but the point is that neither do you based on the way in which things are playing out between you too. You are getting emotionally attached, or wouldn't be making such a long, wondering post about this guy, try to step back the emotional/physical attachment before you have found out at least some raw, basic facts about the other person.

[ladyinlimbo]

1. It sounds like the motor vehicle accident he was in that caused the death of someone, he was drinking/drunk at the time. ??

 

2. He's apparently admitted to you that he had a problem with alcohol in the past but not anymore. Well if he's an alcoholic, he shouldn't be drinking at all and apparently he still does.

 

3. He's 30 but stays up until 3-4am on the computer? How does anyone do that and really WORK the next day?

 

4. He claims he "lost his wallet and driver's license" and "doesn't drive much now" until he gets a new license. I call BS. I'd venture to guess that his driver's license was permanent suspended as the result of the drunk driving death he caused.........if not for life, for a certain period of time. It doesn't take much to go get yourself a new license if you've lost one. My guess, when he tells you he doesn't drive much "since the accident" is that he doesn't drive period - because he's, at least temporarily, has had his license suspended.

 

5. Did you use proper protection when having sex with him? You know nothing about his sexual history or health;

 

6. The whole thing about him having previously lost his cell phone and not getting another one because his Dad would call him too much on it, sounds like crap to me. How was he able to text you if he has no cell? Where was he texting you from?

 

7. At both of your ages, it doesn't seem very 'healthy' to spend so much time communicating by a computer, and pretty much "living" to see if he's logged onto MSN.

 

For all you know, his accident wasn't all that long ago and he's out on bail and awaiting trial...and could very well end up going away to prison....and he's afraid to tell you this.

 

8. He lives with his brother or who?

 

9. Why doesn't he take you out on a proper date? Who paid for the burgers when you finally did go? Did you end up paying for them for the both of you because he'd "lost his wallet"?

 

It's possible that he's in a relationship..........which someone who works a shift where they get home around 6am or whatever...........and his claim to not have a cell phone is because he doesn't want to get busted by GF or ?wife checking cell bill and seeing your # on it.

 

It all sounds a little weird to me.

[elisaa]

ok...how can I be sure I pick him up at his house you mean?? well he's got keys,comes in and out at any hour,like 6am...we can be talking on msn and he says he's ready and then it takes me only about..10 minutes to get there...all the time while he is still online and talking to me on msn...I dont use the cell phone much while driving...he just writes...like: be careful...tell me if you get delayed...etc....

 

plus, he has told me stories about when he was younger, living in that neighborhood,that house belonged to his parents, but they moved to another city when he was a teen, then when his father decided to put the business branch here,he went back to live there...his younger brother was already there because he is in med school....he describes the neighborhood like the palm of his hand...I drove around it once after dropping him off...everything is like he explained...he is very graphical when he explains things to me...everything with so much detail...

 

and I know a married man could do that...but I have been outside of that house,we have been seen in public,for dinner,at the park which is close to his house, I've been to his soccer games,where everyone knows him and would know his wife...god she would be there to see him right?...I dont know...

 

and yes,I'm getting emotionally attached...that's why I need clarity....

 

1. yes,he was drunk when the car accident happened...the person who died was his cousin.

 

2. yeah,he admited to having a problem in his late teens,early 20s,he now claims to drink a couple of beers and I do think he does...the time he was drinking,his brother had got him into it,or so he says...that's when he called me to pick him up...he wasnt drunk that day...he had beers,but he seemed normal,he said they were drinking too much and he couldnt stand it..

 

3. well...I'm 28,I stay up until 3 am everyday and really WORK monday-saturday from 8 am to 6 pm....so,yeah...people do it...

 

4.the thing about the wallet, he said it way before we met in person...he also lost other documents and he has told me about getting them back...where we live,it's not easy to get your license taken and if you do you can always drive without a license...it would be too much bad luck if a police car stopped you...

 

5. I did use proper proteccion,thank you.

 

6. the cell phone belonged to his brother or so he says,but it's not his,I know this for a fact because I called that cell phone twice on different days from a public phone and a male voice that was not his answered it....

 

7. of course it's not healthy...and I don't live to see if he is online..way before I met him I always had my cell phone connected to msn...

 

8.he lives with his brother,who is a few years younger and about to finish med school...the brother also has a 5 year old boy that sometimes stays with them.

 

9. I haven't payed for a single thing, not dinner, not even the water we buy when we take our walks at the park.

 

I have to confess I did facebook research...he said he didnt use facebook...he doesnt seem that much into computers...I found his sister and his brother though...the brother is actually in med school and has a little boy...the sister also has a little boy and is married...I feel so bad for doing that,but I needed to know they were real...though I have seen the brother...coming in or out of the house when we are there...

 

and yeah,I know it is weird...that's why I'm confused...I don't want to get into it more than I already am and then find out something horrible...