heart-broken-shmuck Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Hello all, This is my first time ever posting something this personal but hey...I need to get this off of my chest. So back story is...girlfriend was a pretty terrible girlfriend, cheated on me 4 times...which most of you are probably saying "DUDE WTF? why were you with her!?!?!" But most of them happened really early on in the relationship, and I didnt find out about them or get her to admit it until it had been years...and she swore that she was a different person and she loves me so much and appreciates me and would never imagine doing something like that again and wishes everyday that she could change her choices...she was convincing. Anyways, as time passes I trusted her less and less, and she still showed signs of being dishonest, so over time I became this guy that I didnt like, I didnt trust her, I thought she was always lying...she is a extremely narcissistic, and most people that meet her think that she is a pretentious bitch at first...but I loved her more than I know how to express in words...regardless of all the **** she put me through...I was patient and kind and understanding but the one thing I couldnt be was trusting... Anyhow, I broke it off with her about two months ago, it was long overdue, I didnt want to but I knew I needed to...for my own sanity...anyhow she is extremely angry the first two days, then she tells me how much she loves me and how amazing I am and shes crying all the time and she needs me and doesnt want to split up...I stick to my guns and she runs off to a four day concert and debauchery fest...signs of dishonesty but still same old wrap...she cries and says she loves me and cant live without me...she comes home we make love a for a few days, we watch movies and hold hands...it was like we were together...but not.. I work like 60-70 hours a week so it took me some time to move out, but I started sleeping at buddies houses so it would be fair to the both of us, and stop blurring the lines and confusing the **** outta both of us...anyhow things get weird...she disappears for a day and then blows my phone up same stuff as before, i finally get all my stuff out and she becomes really angry when she sees almost all my **** gone, I hate to see her hurt so I console her and tell her I love her more than anything and that I dont want this for us but I think its for the best...basically it got drug out...have had three weeks NC at this point...last thing she text me was "I will leave you alone because you asked me to, but please know that I love you more than anything and I will always have you in my heart" I didnt respond because i was angry because I knew she was lying about something and I didnt like it...she text me again that night "Nothing?" I chose not to answer...but since then my friends have seen her out, she is out every night drinking, and partying it up (she is young, 21 first time single since being) then yesterday I hear randomly from one of my employees that I didnt even know they knew eachother...that she screwed his roommate months ago...after piecing it together in my mind she invited me over the very night she slept with this guy, and I slept over...no sex..just slept next to each other, her head on my chest where it was placed every night for the last three years...telling me how much she loves me...over and over again... WTF?!?! First of all how can she do that while still telling me how much she loves me, and needs me??? Secondly how can she move on so quickly? I cant stop thinking of her, I miss her so much but now I just feel like an ******* for putting up with her **** for so long and allowing her to mistreat and disrespect me for so long! Still NC from either one of us...shes out living the life while Im scared to go out in fear of running into her...and forget even looking at another girl...the thought makes me sick to my stomach...I write her letters as if she is going to read them...not sure if its helping me or setting me back.... I pretty much hate her now, not really sure how else to feel... Glad to get that out...thanks for reading...looking forward to any positive feedback...let me know that im not a freak for caring so much.
EgoJoe Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 You are better off without her. Do not ever speak to her again. Don't let the hate grow into bitterness. In my own thread, I lashed out there instead of saying it to my Ex. Just hang tough man. Your capacity to love her only embodies your capacity to love. Not just her. You will heal. You atleast know she's despicable some of us get the blowoff with sheer confusion never knowing what happened and I think you need to channel that into a positive force in your life. See a therapist, go to a gym, if you drink without issues then have a few, go to bed, and just rinse repeat for awhile. She was not worth your time, you deserved much better, you will do better. Stack your money and buy a house, get a dog. She was obviously a drain on you and you had reverse projection going on. It is your birthright to be happy, do not, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT: Speak to her, ever. You will only be hurt and your ego will lamblast you.
NSDNQ Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 similair situation with me. except I opted to keep being a controlling ******* and try to make it work like that till she finally got sick of it, so I'm on the needy end of the stick. NC for three days at a time or so till one of us breaks it. hope to god this was the last time for a long time. you got played dude. it sucks but theres nothing more to it. your life can be better without her in it then you can currently fathom. the first step is eating. do not forget to eat. that is very important. she might be a special girl but she couldnt love you for you or treat you the way you deserved to be. so **** her.
smudge21 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Your definitely not the first person to fall for a girl like this and you won't be the last. You loved her (prpbably still do) and we all know how love can make one do crazy things. You believed her lies because you wanted to; because you wanted her to be the girl, in your mind she was. You so wanted this to work that you would've done anything. That's fair enough, we all build up people in our heads and often don't see them as they really are, but as we want them to be. Especially when we love them. Clearly this girl has issues and sees no problem with her way of life. I personally don't have an issue with anyone experiencing life, especially at that age, but to be in a relationship and act like that is just wrong. At least you've seen the light and got out, although it did take you a while. Don't beat yourself up over it, we all meet the wrong person at some point. It happens, accept it and move on. I'm sure you're probably thinking how you could change her or make her better, but sadly you can only help those who want to be helped, and right now, she doesn't. She wants her cake and she wants to eat it all by herself. She loved the security of you, but also wanted the freedom to explore elsewhere. Sorry, but you can't have both. One day she'll calm down and realise what she's done, but by then you'll have met someone more deserving of your attention. Oh and you're not a freak for caring. I too chased a girl who so loved the attention and often had casual sex. I knew she was wrong but it never stopped me wanting her. Took a while to get past that one and now I can look back and laugh at it all.
Author heart-broken-shmuck Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Intellectually I know I am better off, I have all kinds of great things coming up in my life, my self confidence has plummeted to an all time low, lost 25 lbs (the healthy way)...I refuse to believe that she didnt really love me...I know she did, and part of me wants to believe she is struggling with this just as much as I am...she is just going about the coping all the wrong way...maybe, maybe not...it doesnt matter thought right? I just need to focus on me, I am moving to Colorado in 6 weeks...seems like its gonna be an eternity, specially because I now know that one of my employees just started working with her at his second job...kills me...really trying to get over this as quickly as possible. I am tired of feeling like ****! How long do you think its gonna be before I get my stuff together? I mean emotionally? In almost every aspect of my life I am beyond my years and life is going well, I make really good money, drive a nice car, I am a tad bit overweight but still an attractive guy, talented musician...yet emotionally I am such a wreck...I want to be over this...much like she appears to be! What kind of things did you guys do to stay out of your mind? My mind is a dangerous place for me to be...my inner dialog is not healthy! Much appreciated guys!
NSDNQ Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 dont fight keeping her out of your mind. that will just make it worse. let it wash over you. run its course. you cant fight the tide, just float or drown in it. you realize in your mind but not in your heart bro. that organ is alot slower in figuring it out.
EgoJoe Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Accept that it is over. Want the best for her and realize that is without you holding her up. Want the best for yourself as well, that is without her holding you down.
nana841121 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 rant, vent, roam as much as you want. don;t suppress your feeling, cause if you do, the feeling will always come back and haunt you in a stronger way. just make sure that you are not the worst. the pain is bearable you can grow out of it and become a better and stronger version 2,0 of you.
Author heart-broken-shmuck Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Yeah my heart and emotions are definitely falling behind! Its hard to wish her the best, I dont feel that way at all. I realize that she is young (emotionally younger) and thats why it would have never worked...but Im so angry with her for wasting my time! All in good time I suppose. I feel like drowning in my sorrows is going to make this process longer. I cant help but feel inadequate, even thought again intellectually I know, it has nothing to do with me, its her issues, it could have been someone else and she would have been the same way, I could have been a completely different boyfriend and she would have been the same way...she just needs to grow up and learn how to become a decent human being...dont know why I thought I could change her, or be patient long enough for her to become that better person...I hate feeling this way, I cant imagine feeling like this any longer. Thank you for all the encouraging words. They are much appreciated!
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