Saraswati57 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I think due to lack of experience, I never found the proper way to be assertive to women. What's the correct way to do this?
Jazzari Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I think due to lack of experience, I never found the proper way to be assertive to women. What's the correct way to do this?Treat them the same way you would a friend. ...SpankingSnicker...
Author Saraswati57 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Ha! I think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves, tbh. Fun thought, though.
Sacred-Self Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) Assertiveness is a balance offcourse, focus on being able to ask for what you want. Be able to go for what you want in a way that doesn't involve coercion. For instance, you like some girl and you want to ask her for her contact information. Aggressive: I like you let's go out. Assertive: You seem cool we should hang out some time (see how this is more welcoming not commanding) Passive: You wait for him to ask (it may or may not happen(he may be afraid just like yourself)). another example, say you want to express your concern for someone's health Agressive: I think you're being very stupid, and making a huge mistake with your life, you're being an idiot you need to quit cocaine. Assertive: joan your choices are leading you down a bad path, I think you need to reconsider this big time and see what it is costing you. Passive: (Not wanting to offend the person) John I think your smoking may be a bad choice. Edited May 23, 2011 by Sacred-Self
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Treat them the same way you would a friend. You spank your friends? cool. OP, never let a woman mistake your honest, polite, natural sexual attraction for anything but. That's one kind of assertiveness... and as far as the ensuing power struggles, the operative word is -dominant-, not just assertive, but in very measured, calculated doses, else they will walk all over you or make the mistake of thinking they can.
Author Saraswati57 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 You spank your friends? cool. OP, never let a woman mistake your honest, polite, natural sexual attraction for anything but. That's one kind of assertiveness... and as far as the ensuing power struggles, the operative word is -dominant-, not just assertive, but in very measured, calculated doses, else they will walk all over you or make the mistake of thinking they can. Good points, I have little experience, I just want to approach in a socially acceptable way. Carefully measured doses of dominance, then?
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 No sorry not dominant, not for the approach, for approaches you want a light, friendly, flirty vibe, as in you like what you see, but are also evaluating them as much as they you. Off the wall and a bit nutty without being zany. "Hey can I have your lunch money?" "Can I borrow $100?" "Hey is there a bird in my hair? something's up there." "Can you take me to dinner tonight?"'Can I borrow your cellphone?" (then call your phone with it, give it back with "I find asking for phone numbers awkward, don't you?") text her two minutes later "can I borrow your phone again?" The good ones 20% will find such amusing, the idiots 80% won't. But then again life follows the 80/20 rule.
betterdeal Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) Most women will be led but won't be pushed. Just like in dancing. Read some books on assertiveness training and use it in every day life. The more you get used to being assertive, the more you'll think that way, and the more you think that way, the more what you say will accord with what you do. This will stand you in good stead in dating because everyone likes to know what the other person means when they say something. Edited May 23, 2011 by betterdeal
Author Saraswati57 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 No sorry not dominant, not for the approach, for approaches you want a light, friendly, flirty vibe, as in you like what you see, but are also evaluating them as much as they you. Off the wall and a bit nutty without being zany. "Hey can I have your lunch money?" "Can I borrow $100?" "Hey is there a bird in my hair? something's up there." "Can you take me to dinner tonight?"'Can I borrow your cellphone?" (then call your phone with it, give it back with "I find asking for phone numbers awkward, don't you?") text her two minutes later "can I borrow your phone again?" The good ones 20% will find such amusing, the idiots 80% won't. But then again life follows the 80/20 rule. You mean like weeding out the bad, so to speak? Yeah, I see where you're coming from. Still confusing, though.
sanskrit Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) You mean like weeding out the bad, so to speak? Yeah, I see where you're coming from. Still confusing, though. Women generally want a man to be "superior" to her in some measurable way, who wants to be led in the big dance by an inferior? This is a sentiment all over these boards right now from ER's "why am I single" criteria to the "stay at home dad" thread. One of the best studies I ever read (no too lazy to dig it up )on what attracts women to men qualified it as something of an "x" factor. Could be power, money, musical talent, education, wit, but some way in which the man is superior to the woman that she values (the other two factors were height and handsomeness/physical symmetry if you were wondering). This presents a paradox, how exactly is an approaching strange man, who is necessarily in the inferior position by his act of approach, to begin to build the foundation for some kind of superiority "x" factor? especially without coming off as another arrogant asshat. After all, he's just some unknown schmo to her. IME the proper measure is one part clever/offbeat/edgy, one part genuine gregariousness that doesn't immedately hone in on her panties ("I love sex, but I don't need to bust my ass to get it"), one part "I don't really give a sh-t or care too much, my ego is far far from being at stake here," one part "You need to impress me with your response to my approach," and three parts whether she finds him attractive or not (controllable to an extent, but random also). This type of attitude is kind of a controlled nonchalance, or as stated previously, "I like what I see, are you worth my time?" And the beauty of this is the truth of it, it is totally sincere and natural, men SHOULD be this way on approach. There may be some "fake it til you make it" involved also though. Hope that clears it up some. There are alternatives. Carry a money clip full of 100s subtly, but repeatedly flourished when buying everyone in the place a round of drinks and then inviting everyone back to the penthouse indoor pool for an all night swim party WORKS, but do you have the resources to do this? Edited May 24, 2011 by sanskrit
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