I Love You, But Not In Love With You

[BlackenedSoul]

I cheated on my ex one time, over 5 years ago, when we had no kids and she was 2500 miles away... She tormented me daily for it, and I took it as I deserved it... So, my (ex)girlfriend and I have 2 children. I'm 28, shes 26. I've been a stay at home dad for 2 years. We've been together almost 10 years... We've been at our latest Home for a little over a year. We had company almost constantly... Mostly My friends. I got a decent job for our family in December. Working 2nd shift. 2:30 to 11pm. She started sleeping downstairs with the baby, so i could get better sleep... Most my company seized. Except the neighbor. Seemed like everyday when I awoke he'd be outside our house doing something. Raking, mowing, shoveling, working on his snowmobile, my truck. Almost everyday before work he'd come in to chill, then leave when I left for work. It bothered me, I could see there was something between them... 10 years with your partner, you can see... I mentioned it, and all the lil comments or actions that caught me off guard. She'd always slither her way out like a snake. Almost everynight when I got home, He'd either be there, or outside waiting for me to invite him in. I trusted him, as a friend... and her... But inside i knew something... So anyways. I felt her slipping, so i asked her to start sleeping upstairs with me again, or i could move the bedroom downstairs to the cpu room, whatever... That somehow turned into how much she cant stand to be around me... I love you but not in love with you, theres no passion... and i asked how do u know if theres no passion unless your getting it somewhere else... again.. she slithered... Anyways a week later Apr 29th, I seen the neighbor outfront, told him that I didnt want him anywhere near my house while I was working. He said Ok, I havent been since the last talk we had. That day 2 hours into my shift I got a call that he was on my porch. I left work and drove home. They were standing in the yard... I pulled up, stomped the brakes and jumped out yelling at him wtf are you doing? and pushed him off our property... My GF at the time called the police, and said I tried to hit our daughter with the CAR!!.... I've been kicked out of our home and family since then. We were talking and she still blamed everything on me. All my fault... I'm an *******. Well I ended up finding some facebook messages sent from him to her, incinuating there was definetly some kinky messages and other stuff going on...! I caught them, again... Now shes completely clammed up, wont talk to me about anything except the kids. I mentioned family, she said there never was a family, theyre just kids we created... How can someone be so f'n heartless... I ended up destroying an old rabbit cage after she left, broke my thumb :/ So how to deal with this. Theres no custody for kids, yet. She lets me see them pretty much anytime I want... If she answers the phone. I would love to look past this all and mend our family. Family is most important to me, I didnt have a father. My bond with our daughter is stronger than anything in this world!! Our daughters 4, and son is 7 months... Our daughter told me that the neighbor has slept in mommy and daddys bed... and she has 2 daddy's me and neighbor mike... I dont know how to handle all this. It's been a month and she has nothing but hate inside for me... and all I can do is yearn for our family... :/