Sacred-Self Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Hi I'm new to this place, But I read some posts and I want to say something. Breaking up sucks, I will not deny it, there will be pain. It is one of life's best lessons. But resistance is what causes most of the pain, an inability to say yes to what happens, a shadowy identity with a long gone past happiness which keeps you trapped. Stop resisting it even if it just happened now, say yes to it even if you have to force yourself to. You can get into all the seven stages of acceptance and anger and denial and bargaining generic psychological model which I used to do when I first lost close relationships. Or you can force your self not to resist what is but fully embrace it, embrace it that's right see the lesson. Pain is one of life's greatest teachers if you can view this experience as a lesson and embrace its fruits, thus you stop being a victim. No longer has so and so left or abandoned you, they came to coax you into a deeper version of yourself and bring you into consciousness. Of course if you view yourself as victim you will only dwelve deeper into unconsciousness.
St.Dogmael Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Thank you for this, Sacred-Self. It makes a lot of sense. But what about when you feel you've done something wrong that's led to a break-up? How to cope with those feelings of guilt and self-condemnation? If you can, please take a look at my situation and tell me your thoughts: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t279263/ Thanks so much.
Strength of Heart Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Break ups can be a great learning experience for both sides, dumper and dumpee, if the victim card is not played. Trust me when I say that everyone can become a better person out of a break up and learn a lot about themselves (most importantly), their ex, relationships, and life as a whole. Those who play the victim and blame everything on the other person will only continue to run into the same brick walls in their lives. I played the victim in the first break up of my life, because I was young and did not know how to handle rejection or how to turn it into a good thing. Guess what happened? Some of the same mistakes I made in my first relationship came back to bite me in the ass in my most recent one. My ex hasn't taken any responsibility for her faults in our relationship, so there is a great chance she will do the same things in her next one. Me? I've taken initiative to rid of my co-dependency, have gotten myself to counseling not just to talk about what she did to me but also what I need to improve on myself, and have read various self help books. After getting out of this unhealthy relationship with my ex I am on my journey to healing, becoming healthy again, learning about what to look for in a girl and red flags to stay away from, and knowing that I'll be much better suited for a real and happy relationship in the future. Take all you can out of a break up, turn it into a good thing even if it will hurt for awhile.
nana841121 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I learned a lot from breakup ex is really an ******* I try my best to forgive all the damages he has done to me. cause only forgiveness can lead to forgets i want to relieve myself from that twisted mind's grip
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