luvflower Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Hi loveshack. Long story short: one of my best friends met me at a party last month. We can talk to each other about practically anything, so I thought.recently, I've noticed her starting to let her appearance go 2o the point where other people are coming up to me asking me what's wrong with her and why she looks so old and why she's not taking better c are of herself.needless to say it made me feel uncomfortable and bad for her.I noticed her appearance, big weight gain, dingy looking , not washing her hair, etc. So I had to do it.I spoke with her told her my concer ns, asked her if she was depressed.she's now upset with me and says that a refute friend would never feel or tell her such things.what she doesn't realize is that many people have said things about her and I've observed the way her other so called friends look at her but never say anything.now she called me hurtful and bougie. She said that I have ruined our friendship..was I wrong? Obviously no one else was showing concern.she told me I was the only person to tell her these things.other people were telling her she was looking fine and didnt seem depressed.but I think she forgot that she told me that she over heard her coworkers taking about her, but she would never tel me what she heard them saying. I feel like she is in denial of sup much in her life
Author luvflower Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 pls excuse typos. Especially, ..."in denial of so (sup) much in her life.was unable to edit in sufficient time.
SpiralOut Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 It can be hard to hear something like that coming from a friend, even if you meant well. It is a very sensitive subject. Were you sensitive to her feelings when talking to her? If you have not apologized to her yet then I would do so. She may be in denial but she can't be forced out of it. She is now on the defensive. Maybe she doesn't want people to know that anything is wrong.
St.Rosa Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 We all go through rough patches, I don't think it was a good idea to say anything. Like the above said, if you haven't apologized you should, maybe she has more important things to worry about than her appearance right now.
alethean Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 There might be something wrong with her (e.g. depression or something similar), but chances are that if her appearance is deteriorating, she probably knows about the changes. Like St.Rosa said, we all go through rough patches; this may be her time and chances are she might come out of it eventually. I think for future, if you are concerned about someone, you should ask if there is anything going on with them, but not comment on their appearance (as most times it is a symptom of the problem and not the problem itself).
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Quite honestly if I was letting myself go I would want someone to tell me, but then again I'm a guy. My wife once told one of her best friends this and they are not friends anymore. The one thing that does annoy me though is when people greet me and say "you look tired" or "you look like crap, are you sick" as a way of making conversation I just say "no, why?" and put the awkwardness back on them.
Author luvflower Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Thank you all for your responses. I didnt realize anyone responded until today.She is one of my best friends, but she remained distant for several months. She did however just start talking to me again last month. I did apologize hurting her early on, but I was very calm and pleasant when telling those comments about her appearance. The hardest part was that I woulda see how other people looked at her and I would hear them talking about her behind her back. So I felt as one of her closest friend, I needed top say something while getting her know if I could help in any way to let me know. Someone mentioned that my friend may have been depressed. Thats what I think, but she may never ever admit it and I dont know why. I've been depressed and we've discussed it, so why would she be in denial after I opened up to her. Btw, as another poster said, I also hate when people say "you look tired" as a greeting. I dont do stuff like that... Thanks again
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