D-Lish Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 See when I hear someone was in a LTR or several, and aren't with any of those people now, that's who isn't good at relationships. It's like being 100yds from the finish line and falling off the horse. Someone who hasn't found the right person and doesn't drag things out just to "be constantly in a relationship" is neutral in terms of relationship success and failure IME. Also, when a divorcee asks me if I've ever been married in that endearing HR red pencil way, I reply, "Nope, have failed at many things in life, marriage is not one of them, and I hope to keep it that way." If they have two brain cells to rub together, that ends the HR interview part of the date. I guess I look at it from the perspective of someone who has been in a LTR. I was married, committed- and he stepped outside the marriage for sex, so I walked. I wasn't going to cross the finish line with him, lol. By your logic, anyone that has had a relationship that has ended, has failed (as all of us have on some level if we've ever had a relationship not work out). My logic in steering clear of a 35 year old man that's never stayed in a relationship for more than a couple of years is that he's got a pattern of not being able to commit. That raises a red flag for me.
sanskrit Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I was married, committed- and he stepped outside the marriage for sex, so I walked. I wasn't going to cross the finish line with him, lol. OK, by your logic , if you met two guys blind, one was your cheating ex H, one never married, and all other things being equal, you would rate your cheating ex H as being a better prospect than a guy who had never been married? By your logic, anyone that has had a relationship that has ended, has failed (as all of us have on some level if we've ever had a relationship not work out). Nope. Someone who has, to use a fashionable LS term, a good "people picker," may have had the wisdom to leave relationships that weren't right (and it can take a few months to figure that out or even to start to know the person one is with) until they find the right person, that isn't failure in my book, but success. OTOH, someone who takes 2-4 years to figure out they don't belong with someone? Failure in my book, or one of those who has to always have a relationship no matter how mediocre or unsuited? also failure IMO. For example, had a GF I'd been dating 3 months crack me in the nose full force with her elbow one morning when I was asleep, "STOP MOVING AROUND SO MUCH!" Luckily my nose was not broken. Was it failure for me to terminate that one on the spot? or success? My nose (and possibly other bones) say success! My logic in steering clear of a 35 year old man that's never stayed in a relationship for more than a couple of years is that he's got a pattern of not being able to commit. That raises a red flag for me. Should I have commited to "Ole Nose Cracker?" how bout the one who had a habit of spitting in my face during sex, the one who lied to me during our nonexclusive dating to go on a date with another guy? How bout the one who pitched a fit if I wouldn't f-ck her despite that we'd already done it multiple times that day? How bout the one who cheated on me ten months in while at the same time pressing me for marriage? the one who cheated on me 3 months in and put pictures of her and the dude all over FB the week after she asked me to be exclusive? Was I a commitmentphobe for terminating those? Some people just have bad luck, no luck, work hard during prime dating years so only date casually during that time, etc. etc. Someone's relationship history that doesn't involve cheating, walking out on a family, or material stuff like that is some of the -least- predictive and dispositive information you will ever get about that person because you are only seeing half the picture, and have no idea of the other half.
Author DSM2709 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Thanks guys, I really appreciate your input in all of this. I don't know why I beat myself over this stuff. A week ago we went out and had a great time, great conversation, laughs, had a lot in common and we made out and it was really nice, then to less than 5 days later, her telling me she had stronger feelings for someone else and that she was sorry and that she want to lead me on...WTF??...it just puzzles me. But I'm over it, I guess.
dispatch3d Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Well, another one bites the dust. This woman who I met online and went out with a few times has ended it with me. We were suppose to meet for lunch today and instead she called me to inform me that she has stronger feelings for someone else. I should have known this because on Tuesday, we had lunch together and she explained to me that she was dating other people. I agreed and didn't think anything of it, I kind of figured that since we did meet on a site. Then I did not hear from her all day Thursday (Yesterday), and so this morning is when she dropped the bomb on me. Now I know we only met a few times, but in those few times, I really enjoyed her company as she did mine. We agreed on alot of things and she even said to me today that we had alot in common. I emailed her back on the dating site to thank her for having the opportunity to meeting her and wished her the best of luck. So, it's back to the drawing board I go. Sorry everyone for my rants and paranoid behavior, it's what I do. It's just nice to know there are people out here who do care. I'm sure it won't be the last time...lol!! Till next time kids.... I would have cut tail the second she dropped the bomb. **** the appreciation letters lol. Why reminisce so much on the negative side of this (she drops the bomb she likes someone else). I like focusing on fun things in my life, not girls who ditch me for other guys . As far as the longest relationship question, I don't enjoy people judging me .
Author DSM2709 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 So to my surprise she calls me tonight and we discuss her weekend and I chat with her about me getting my bike and all. I tell her I am glad she called to which she agreed. I then ask if was interested in getting together again to which she said she didn't want to lead me on and blah blah blah..... So why the hell did she call me? What was her point? Was she checking to see if I was still around or what. Was she testing me? WTF??
Author DSM2709 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Well my friend and I have been on two more dates since she broke the news to me about having stronger feelings for someone else. He turned out to be too possessive and controlling. So, now here I am again in her spotlight. I believe it was "notuneak" who said it that they always come circling back, well she did. So I took her out for lunch this past Friday, and it was nice to see her. Now I have not heard from her since Friday but I am giving her space and I am NOT texting her. I will wait to see if she initiates first.
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