DSM2709 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 OK, so I have met this really nice woman online and we went out last night for our first official date, we met earlier the week before for drinks just as a meet and greet and it went very well obviously. I was a gentleman the whole night to the point that when I opened her door of my car to let her in, she would reach over and open my door for me, (Who does that anymore?)..LOL!!! So, now this date was great, we both had a wonderful time, we seemed like we had a lot of similarities and in common things. We had dinner, played pool and had a couple of drinks and great conversation the whole time. At the end of the night, I made my move and we kissed, then headed back to her place as SHE suggested. Once we got to her place we put in a movie and hung out on the couch, made out a few times and even tickled each other to which she was extremely ticklish which I found cute. She said she like how I kissed her and that she liked watching me play pool earlier, which I thought was cool. So, I decided to leave and after a bit of back and forth with the making out, she said that she was not letting me stay the night (I honestly think she was pondering the idea, but I never encouraged the thought), which I agreed and got my things together and kissed her goodnight and left. While on the way home about 15 minutes later after I left, she texted me saying "Thanks for a great night" and to which I responded "Thank you, I had an awesome time". This was around 2 am Sunday morning. The whole day Sunday I did not hear from her, and I did not engage until later tonight when I texted her to say that I was thinking of her and asking how her day was. She replied a short time later and said it was good and how was I? I said great and that I was looking at a motorcycle and wasn't sure what I wanted to do as far as getting it. So we were back and forth on that subject for a few and then I cut it short by saying I had to get to bed because I had to work in the morning and to lets chat during the week sometime, she simply replied "Good night and have fun tomorrow!". It seemed to me like she wasn't interested in chatting with me, but am I just being paranoid? She didn't reply to my "lets chat during the week sometime" comment, wondering why. I felt like I shouldn't have texted her, but then I would have felt like she might think I was not interested in her because we didn't have sex. I'm fine with the no sex part. again, my wheels are spinning. So am I thinking or reading into this way too much and just being paranoid? Maybe she was tired from a long day (Sunday), I don't know. She is a really nice girl and I don't want to screw this up. She's got a good head on her shoulders and we had a great time the whole night along with a lot of laughs. What should be my next move? Wait til mid week to call her?, see if she texts or calls me first? I did mention to her I would make dinner for our next date. What do I do? Thanks!!
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 This is why not to start the texting this early. Creates all kinds of needless drama in your mind. Consider cutting out all texting with this one and others, unless you are a -master- of flirting via text, and from what you post, you aren't there yet. Consider getting completely binary in dating as a man. Ask her out, does she say yes or no? If yes, take out have fun, if no, move on to next. Rinse repeat, with very very few contacts in between the dates. Strip down your decision tree as clean as possble and make her options with you crystal clear also. Over time, more will develop, over time.
USCGAviator Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 So far your doing pretty good. Let her chase you this week and then make your move to set up another date when she does.
Sacred-Self Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 way too much effing analysis and it's ok to text a girl early on just don't get your panties in a bunch about it. You were so good up until the point you started over thinking things. Just let it go and take it easy, give it some time and then text/ call her to hang out. And do me a favor cut this paranoia out yeah it's going to kill your ability to be spontaneous and be natural.
Ugly_sexy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 less texting. if you have a vague idea what her schedule is like give her a ring whenever you are sure she'll pick. have a reason to call, maybe follow up on something you talked about on the date. also have a date idea ready that you can suggest at the end of the call and set up a second date. too much pointless communication leads to fatigue. texting is for sexting only not serious conversation.
miss_28 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 She didn't reply to my "lets chat during the week sometime" comment, wondering why. I do that too, over-analyzing. IMO, you're fine. Keep in mind, your comment was super casual anyways, the best she could say is "sure". Personally, that comment would leave me wondering if you were interested. Also, do you know if she likes chatting/texting? If she prefers it to talking, cool, if not (and I admit, I'm really not a fan of texting and I refuse to waste hours chatting) maybe the prospect of chatting/texting isn't very appealing to her. The other option is she isn't attached to her cell. I get texts that I only see hours later because I'm usually into what I'm doing at the time. To be fair, I warn people I may take forever to answer texts, so most know better
Author DSM2709 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Alot of good points made here, thanks everyone. I am over analyzing, am maybe she's not a fan of texting. I will wait a few days and go from there. I just need to relax. Thanks again.
aboheleven Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 you're SO getting ahead of yourself. she wrote you back dude. she is into you. take a step back and dont smother her/push her away. if you appear needy it's going to translate. Space in the beginning is good thing. Trust me, if she hadn't had a good time or wasn't interested she wouldn't have engaged in the text messaging. take a deep breath and dont write her for a day or two.
627 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 texting is stupid, either call or meet in person or do nothing I was on a date a couple of weeks ago, I opened the door for the woman, she gave me a lecture on feminism and how she can open her own door:rolleyes: so on so many levels you are lucky to have met her
Arasae Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I'd say she's into you. If she were not, she would not have responded very quickly, if at all. I would give her a call tomorrow and invite her out again. =) She will most likely say yes, IMHO.
Author DSM2709 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 627: Good point on the texting, however it does seem to be the way of communication these days. Good point thouh, Thanks. Arasae: Yeah I do always seem to feel like I am needy at times, but not this time. I can be patient with her. She is into me, and I always read into things too much, so I know "STOP IT!!"...LOL, thanks for the tips.
Author DSM2709 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 All that worrying for nothing, I am taking her to lunch tomorrow after we spoke on the phone for a bit tonight. See, it's like the movie "Hitch" when he says at the end "Just follow the basic principles, there are none". Thanks guys for all your support.
D-Lish Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Is your BBM avatar a picture of Michael Myers as well? Could have something to do with her reluctance to get involved:p Just follow through with your promises, that's all you can do. If she doesn't respond accordingly, move on.
guy777 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 IMO sanskrit is right about the text flirt mastery. You should only be cracking her in short text conversations. Don't get into lengthy converstations about you checking out a bikes. Just tell her about ladies checking you out when you were looking at bikes, and how you are afraid the one you are thinking about getting might be too much of a chick magnet. . .. And making jokes about her not getting the wrong idea that you are going to stay the night, next time you hang. If you aren't doing these and getting laughs out of her, don't text. It's easy to get the wrong idea in texting, like I think you are, so be careful. Other than that, I think his advice is also golden. Just call and keep the conversations short, only to arrange dates. After you have the date lined up, look for your first opportunity to get off the phone.
Country_Girl Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Well to answer your question, when the guy I'm dating opens the car door for me, I do the same :-) I just think it's nice in general, if someone is going to take the time and do that for me, then I want to reciprocate it :-) I'm guessing she's just not much of a caller/texter. The guy I am dating is not much of a texter at all, not even one to talk on the phone much- but I find he's great for long conversations in person one-on-one. So, I'm guessing that's just how she is. Maybe just wait a few days, if you don't hear anything, reach out again. You don't want to appear to be too clingy.
RovingReporter Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Consider getting completely binary in dating as a man. Ask her out, does she say yes or no? If yes, take out have fun, if no, move on to next. Rinse repeat, with very very few contacts in between the dates. Strip down your decision tree as clean as possble and make her options with you crystal clear also. Over time, more will develop, over time. Really solid advice. I've recently begun dating someone new and I only use text and phone calls for setting up or confirming dates and I couldn't be happier.
Author DSM2709 Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Well, another one bites the dust. This woman who I met online and went out with a few times has ended it with me. We were suppose to meet for lunch today and instead she called me to inform me that she has stronger feelings for someone else. I should have known this because on Tuesday, we had lunch together and she explained to me that she was dating other people. I agreed and didn't think anything of it, I kind of figured that since we did meet on a site. Then I did not hear from her all day Thursday (Yesterday), and so this morning is when she dropped the bomb on me. Now I know we only met a few times, but in those few times, I really enjoyed her company as she did mine. We agreed on alot of things and she even said to me today that we had alot in common. I emailed her back on the dating site to thank her for having the opportunity to meeting her and wished her the best of luck. So, it's back to the drawing board I go. Sorry everyone for my rants and paranoid behavior, it's what I do. It's just nice to know there are people out here who do care. I'm sure it won't be the last time...lol!! Till next time kids....
notuneak Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Don't worry about it. She was honest at least. And anyway, they often come circling back. That happens a lot to me. Stay confident and look for the next one.
Author DSM2709 Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 I think I possibly know why things went sour for me with this really nice girl. While we were having lunch on Tuesday, I had asked her what was the longest relationship she was in (I KNOW..STUPID THING TO ASK, especially so early in the dating). She said 4 years and that he wanted to move away and didn't want her to go with him, that's why they broke up...fair enough. Then she asked what about me. I said 10 years and that at the end it just didn't work out. Now, keep in mind, she told me in the beginning that she was a commitment phobe and was also picky about men. Then after that was discussed, then she broke out with "Since we're being honest with each other, I want to tell you that I am dating other people". Now, don't you think she would have never mentioned that if I had never mentioned the relationship issue....Why did I do that? I am my own worst enemy. After that date on Tuesday, I noticed a change and then WAM!! she hit me with this bomb this morning. WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO LEARN?!?!?!?!?
sanskrit Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Well you should assume they are dating other people until they specifically tell you otherwise. Look, instead of asking how long their longest relationship was, ask how long their longest pet was. Tell her you had a dachsund, but your friend had a pet snake that was longer than the dachsund. Tell her tall pets like ostriches don't count, they have to be -long-. Then you can talk about round pets, skinny ones, favorite pets. Then once on favorite pets, "why was that one your favorite?" then you are into emotion land, where few guys bother to take her, without getting heavy in the least. See where this is going?
Author DSM2709 Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Thanks Sanskrit, yeah sometimes my brain doesn't think that fast to come up with an idea like that. I actually just spoke to her and she said it wasn't because of what we talked about, she really did meet someone more interesting for her and that she appreciated everything we did together. I feel a little better now, I just have to keep plugging away. Someday my luck will turn.
Imajerk17 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 (edited) I think I possibly know why things went sour for me with this really nice girl. While we were having lunch on Tuesday, I had asked her what was the longest relationship she was in (I KNOW..STUPID THING TO ASK, especially so early in the dating). She said 4 years and that he wanted to move away and didn't want her to go with him, that's why they broke up...fair enough. Then she asked what about me. I said 10 years and that at the end it just didn't work out. Now, keep in mind, she told me in the beginning that she was a commitment phobe and was also picky about men. Then after that was discussed, then she broke out with "Since we're being honest with each other, I want to tell you that I am dating other people". Now, don't you think she would have never mentioned that if I had never mentioned the relationship issue....Why did I do that? I am my own worst enemy. After that date on Tuesday, I noticed a change and then WAM!! she hit me with this bomb this morning. WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO LEARN?!?!?!?!? That had nothing to do with anything, so stop beating yourself up over this. She was just more into this other guy than you and she would have cancelled with you whether or not you brought up the relationship issue the date before. Your bringing up the subject merely brought on some sort of "advance warning". Edited May 27, 2011 by Imajerk17
sanskrit Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Thanks Sanskrit, yeah sometimes my brain doesn't think that fast to come up with an idea like that. Do you think rappers come up with all their stuff on the spot? Of course not, they have at least some of it planned out. Nothing at all wrong with having some stock material
D-Lish Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Asking her what her longest relationship has been had nothing to do with anything- don't sweat asking her. It's a pretty standard question. I usually ask people to get an idea of whether or not they are afraid of the big "c". Even on a dating site- it usually lists their longest relationship. When a 35 year old guy list his longest relationship as "under 2 years...." I steer clear of them. They've kinda told you all you need to hear in admitting that. She told you she's a CP, that's a big red flag right there. Consider yourself having dodged a bullet with this one.
sanskrit Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Even on a dating site- it usually lists their longest relationship. When a 35 year old guy list his longest relationship as "under 2 years...." I steer clear of them. They've kinda told you all you need to hear in admitting that. See when I hear someone was in a LTR or several, and aren't with any of those people now, that's who isn't good at relationships. It's like being 100yds from the finish line and falling off the horse. Someone who hasn't found the right person and doesn't drag things out just to "be constantly in a relationship" is neutral in terms of relationship success and failure IME. Also, when a divorcee asks me if I've ever been married in that endearing HR red pencil way, I reply, "Nope, have failed at many things in life, marriage is not one of them, and I hope to keep it that way." If they have two brain cells to rub together, that ends the HR interview part of the date.
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