chefkr Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 So the GF of almost 3 years and I had a bit of a spat last week. This was all in the kitchen while she was preparing dinner. While changing a light bulb, the old one broke and she insisted I get on a chair to fix it. I did not because I am a huge guy and didn't want to break it so I attempted to do it standing (I'm 6'4"). She became infuriated and called me incapable. Then I began clearing off the table and placing things aside so we could eat. She let out a VERY negative sigh/grunt and began taking the things I put aside and put them somewhere else while knocking things about and becoming more aggravated. I attempted to hand her some things and she grabbed them from my hands and threw them down on the counter. I walked out of the kitchen and retrieved my wallet and keys and told her I didn't know if she was having a bad day or what the problem was but I was leaving because I really did not like her attitude. This was Wed. night last week and I haven't heard anything from her since nor have I called her. Did I do the right thing? Lately she has been very fickle. She is in school and clubs and has a job as well so is VERY occupied outside of our relationship. She also is prescribed adderall and it has has a significant effect on her attitude. We don't have sex (maybe 3 times this year) and she is CONSTANTLY talking about school. I know it consumes her life and I'm happy to be there for her to vent and even take a little bit of the heat. But I have my limits and she clearly exceeded those so I left. I was not an ass about it, I was very civil and it was obvious why I left. I really do not relish walking around on egg shells all the time.
chuckles11 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 It seems like you two are both over it. Neither of you are interested in extending the olive branch after your fight. You aren't having sex anymore. I think the relationship its pretty much over anyway.
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 You did the right thing, when they get like that you're done, life is too short to be with someone who is constantly exasperated over little things.
Skump Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 We don't have sex (maybe 3 times this year) and she is CONSTANTLY talking about school. Hate to tell you, but if you don't already know... Adderall is like anti-viagra. Every. Single. Person. I've known who's been on that stuff has suffered some form of sexual dysfunction. The PI sheet warning of "decreased libido" is really a euphemism for "user may never care about f*cking again." If she's already dependent on amphetamines, this may be something to consider.
Sacred-Self Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 you did the right thing don't look back man, don't look back.
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I think after 3 years, a phone call to sort this out, whether it be some space, to end it or to fix things, is in order. Since you were the one who walked out, call her and tell her how you feel and why.
climbergirl Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Although I'm not a fan of 'just walking away' for an extended period of time, I think the ball is in her court to call. I can empathize with her about the pressure of being in school. These last few months of my schooling I was a complete basket case and I don't know how my fiance put up with me. But now that I have graduated I have relaxed considerably. Regardless of her stress, that doesn't mean it's ok to treat you that way and she owes you an apology. If I were you I'd sit it out and wait for that. If she isn't willing to apologize then she isn't a good partner anyway. How long before she is done with school? And you probably know that Adderall also has side effects of irritablity, mania and behavioral disturbance. Has she looked into switching meds? Are you ready to check out of the relationship?
Pianiste Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If she really is on meds that have severe consequences on her behaviour it might not be a bad idea to reach out yourself. She probably feels the effect these meds have on her, and on your relationship, and I can imagine it can be quite a burden. You can't go with or without them. Anyways, it sounds like you want answers and you are not going to get them by posting on LS. You're doing this for yourself so that it no longer troubles your mind, and it obviously does otherwise you wouldn't be here. Go and have a good talk with her about all of this and put everything on the table.
youaretheone Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 What is done is done. Now you have to think about what to do next. If you are still wondering, yes you were right. But if I were you, I would sit down and express her why I cannot tolerate such behaviour with my words, right on the spot, instead of leaving the place and leaving the situation unsolved. It will keep bugging you and eat you up unless one of you takes the lead and talks about it. The first thing I learnt in a relationship is importance of communication. If there is something bothering me, I directly tell my girlfriend and it becomes allright in time. In the past, I ignored it and either played games or pretended that she would realize it herself and correct it in the future but it didn't result in anything but the problem getting bigger and bigger and destroying the relationship.
Saxis Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I wouldn't look back either. I've been in sh*thole situations like that before, and it's not worth it. If she hasn't tried contacting you, obviously she doesn't care either, or she's playing the same kind of mind game. Either way, still not worth it.
Author chefkr Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Although I'm not a fan of 'just walking away' for an extended period of time, I think the ball is in her court to call. I can empathize with her about the pressure of being in school. These last few months of my schooling I was a complete basket case and I don't know how my fiance put up with me. But now that I have graduated I have relaxed considerably. Regardless of her stress, that doesn't mean it's ok to treat you that way and she owes you an apology. If I were you I'd sit it out and wait for that. If she isn't willing to apologize then she isn't a good partner anyway. How long before she is done with school? And you probably know that Adderall also has side effects of irritablity, mania and behavioral disturbance. Has she looked into switching meds? Are you ready to check out of the relationship? She has about a week left of a quick 2 week semester where shes in class for almost 4 hours every night -- and until Dec when she will be done with a master's degree. I think if I did contact her, it would be after this quick semester is done because I've taken those same classes and it's a bit of chaos for 2 and a half weeks.
Rosa Tamora Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 You have had sex three times in the last year, and you think that you are being unreasonable? Women do not feel love, at least not in the way that men do. Women see men as objects to be used not objects of affection. Read Esther Vilar's book The Manipulated Man for more on this. What a stupid horrible thing to say. Men hate it when women put them in a box, but I keep running into men in these forums who are so eager to put ALL women in the same catty bitchy category. Thanks dude! Bitter much? Please. It just sounds so obvious that you've been recently ditched or something, it's coming out in your response! Women feel love and want to give and receive affection the same way a man does. It just sounds like this woman might not be the one for you. There are plenty, plenty of kind patient women out there, just yet to be discovered by you. One that will be happy to communicate whatever bone it is she wants to pick with you directly, instead of acting all passive and ornery. Relationships should make your life better, and no one should have to feel like they are tiptoeing around their partner. Is this worth it? I believe you know the answer. Either: have a talk with her if you believe it's worth it, she does at least reserve the right to know how you feel and you will get the chance to get it off your chest. If there is no empathy or kindness or the willingness to talk it out and improve her behaviour or meet you in the middle, then leave her. You deserve better dammit.
Author chefkr Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Either: have a talk with her if you believe it's worth it, she does at least reserve the right to know how you feel and you will get the chance to get it off your chest. If there is no empathy or kindness or the willingness to talk it out and improve her behaviour or meet you in the middle, then leave her. You deserve better dammit. Thanks. I'll try this and see what happens.
Author chefkr Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Well guys I finally spoke to her. When we talked it was around 1230am and she had gone back to her job, after a 6-945pm class to finish up stuff at the office. The conversation was really monotone, and generally unenthusiastic -- obviously given the time of day/night and she had been working and in school all day. She mentioned she hadn't slept in 4 days and sounded like she was just completely burnt out. I mentioned the incident to her and explained that I was not going to be insulted and hang around and she replied that she was irritated due to various factors. For instance: my car has been broken into 4 times at my apartment complex in 2 months. after about the 2nd time, she told me to take it and store it in her garage so it wouldn't be vulnerable. I felt like this would have been a burden to her so I didn't and in turn she felt like I was refusing to deal with the situation -- hence she was aggravated. She also went on to say that she had a spat last weekend with her best (girl)friend and they are no longer on speaking terms. Basically she became irritated with her and is thoroughly pissed off at her as well. Following on, she proceeded to then bash her own best friend on the grounds that she is in an inferior career, and that she basically is worthless because she "only needed a 3.0 gpa to get out of school" to be a teacher. She tore into her own best friend pretty severely. In all honesty I believe this is all motivated by her adderall. Along with that, she has a thyroid deficiency for which she takes a pill and already has the potential to mess with her moods/personality. Add to this birth control,and I believe an anti depressant. The particularly sad part is that as early as 3 weeks ago she was indicating how she cared about me and I was spending virtually every night at her house. I'm not sure how I should handle it from here, but I would like to also know how kosher it would be to send a msg to her friend on Facebook to get her take on what I should do. Thanks guys.
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