turokturok5 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Me and my ex have been broken up for nearly 4 months now. I went no contact, cut all ties with her and haven't heard from her personally since. Seen her a couple of times through mutual friends but we didn't really talk at all, i guess we both acted as if neither of us existed. I haven't seen her, or heard anything about her in about a month now and it hasn't really bothered me, i still think about her atleast once every day though and although i try to supress it i kind of regret some of the things i did, but then again i know it wasn't just my fault and i try to think that she wasn't right for me as otherwise she wouldn't have let me go so easily. I stumbled across a picture of her on facebook the other day through a mutual friends albumn, just her and her best friend and she was just smiling. I don't know why, since this is the first picture of her at a party since we have broken up and i've been out quite a bit with friends and have dozens of pictures of me looking like im really enjoying myself, but seeing this picture of her upset me. Last night i also had a dream about her, nothing serious i pretty much just bumped into her and her friend, said hello and that was it but it seemed so real and upset me for some reason. I caught her staring at me at uni last week but i didn't really look too much into it, i just don't understand why i can't let go of these feelings, i really want to just forget about her.
9Lives Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 its gonna be a while for you. Alot of us went thru this kind of stuff. I know this may be hard for you to grasp right now but your ex is going to be on your minda whole lot right now. I know you been told not to think about it....find something else to distract you which only works so well. I fought it and fought it and finallly have come to the conclusion that it is pointless to try to stop those thoughts and feelings. I know this is not what you want to hear. If you can get some mental toughness right now, you will not let thinking about her or feeling feelings bother you so much or hold you back. You are gonna think about her and thats the bottom line. I havent spoken to my ex since feb and he is still on my mind every day. I just let it be there since I cant seem to stop it. But I am moving forward and I know one day, it will go away. It might take a while but it will go away some day. I also take comfort in knowing that nobody knows that I still think about him but you guys. I dont talk to my friends about it. Him on my mind is just that...on my mind. He is no where to to found.
Andymack Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Every time I see my ex in a photo on another friends facebook page I got a really panicky feeling and I don't really know why, after all it's just a picture. I think it was the fact that she was out there enjoying herself without me and it made me unhappy and she moving on without me. Also it worried me that she has got a new boyfriend and has finally moved on, but coincidentally I saw her this weekend and now know that she does (tho not through her) I have always thought of her everyday and I was getting to a point where I could see other people again, but this has really hit me hard. I'm feeling the same way as the op now in that I just want to forget all about her and start living my life again. I'm starting to think if the good times were worth it as I've spent the best part of a year with a constant sore pain in my heart. I just want it to stop.
Frank13 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I'm feeling the same way as the op now in that I just want to forget all about her and start living my life again. I'm starting to think if the good times were worth it as I've spent the best part of a year with a constant sore pain in my heart. I just want it to stop. It is weird that some people are in pain and want the ex to come back while others are like you and I who just want to forget her about so the pain will stop. I too am beginning to believe that relationships just aren't worth the risk. It would be different if the pain only lasted a couple weeks but too many people here have been in pain for too long,
Andymack Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Quote: Originally Posted by Andymack I'm feeling the same way as the op now in that I just want to forget all about her and start living my life again. I'm starting to think if the good times were worth it as I've spent the best part of a year with a constant sore pain in my heart. I just want it to stop. It is weird that some people are in pain and want the ex to come back while others are like you and I who just want to forget her about so the pain will stop. I too am beginning to believe that relationships just aren't worth the risk. It would be different if the pain only lasted a couple weeks but too many people here have been in pain for too long, Well, i think that these are two ways that would get rid of the pain, either your ex comes back and you're happy again or you forget about them and you forget the good times that you miss. I would take either right now, but would obviously prefer the first option
smudge21 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I'm at the stage of healing where I can see my ex on Facebook (just her profile pic under mutual friends stuff - luckily she hardly posts on there) and I feel okay. I know I still miss. I know I still want her. But I also know it's not going to happen and instead of feeling really upset about it, I'm okay... ish. I mean, I still feel down when I force myself to remember stuff, but that's the thing - I have to force myself to remember things. That in itself seems strange but also shows I'm moving on. I can think back now and it all seems so long ago, some of it even makes me question did it really happen. Hard to explain I guess, but it's all the signs of moving on. The emotional attachment is fading. Slowly but surely.
nothingabout Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Hi all. sorry for offtopic, but maybe somebody knows about SEO on .ru domains?
jacksonBrown Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Me and my ex have been broken up for nearly 4 months now. I went no contact, cut all ties with her and haven't heard from her personally since. Seen her a couple of times through mutual friends but we didn't really talk at all, i guess we both acted as if neither of us existed. I haven't seen her, or heard anything about her in about a month now and it hasn't really bothered me, i still think about her atleast once every day though and although i try to supress it i kind of regret some of the things i did, but then again i know it wasn't just my fault and i try to think that she wasn't right for me as otherwise she wouldn't have let me go so easily. I stumbled across a picture of her on facebook the other day through a mutual friends albumn, just her and her best friend and she was just smiling. I don't know why, since this is the first picture of her at a party since we have broken up and i've been out quite a bit with friends and have dozens of pictures of me looking like im really enjoying myself, but seeing this picture of her upset me. Last night i also had a dream about her, nothing serious i pretty much just bumped into her and her friend, said hello and that was it but it seemed so real and upset me for some reason. I caught her staring at me at uni last week but i didn't really look too much into it, i just don't understand why i can't let go of these feelings, i really want to just forget about her. thats a tuff one dude i'm in the same situation i broke up with my girl of 3 years about 3 weeks ago and since then i have try'd to get her back and she is just not into it, so i'm letting go of her for good but i cant stop thinking about her and like you i really wanna just forget about her and move on, all i can say is from previous breakups when i've been really down, or thinking about someone all the time, finding someone else, someone new to date or see on a regular basis works wonders it makes you completely stop thinkin of your ex, u just dont really care wat there doin anymore cos you've got someone else now, as hard as it is try to find another girl to spend time with thats wat im doing this weekend and i bet it works wonders all the best
radiodarcy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 its gonna be a while for you. Alot of us went thru this kind of stuff. I know this may be hard for you to grasp right now but your ex is going to be on your minda whole lot right now. I know you been told not to think about it....find something else to distract you which only works so well. I fought it and fought it and finallly have come to the conclusion that it is pointless to try to stop those thoughts and feelings. I know this is not what you want to hear. If you can get some mental toughness right now, you will not let thinking about her or feeling feelings bother you so much or hold you back. You are gonna think about her and thats the bottom line. I havent spoken to my ex since feb and he is still on my mind every day. I just let it be there since I cant seem to stop it. But I am moving forward and I know one day, it will go away. It might take a while but it will go away some day. I also take comfort in knowing that nobody knows that I still think about him but you guys. I dont talk to my friends about it. Him on my mind is just that...on my mind. He is no where to to found. i agree with 9Lives. the more i try to push thoughts of my ex out of my mind, the stronger they get. it's better to just accept their going to be there for some time. in my case, my was my first love, my first everything really - - that's not something i'm going to be able to forget about just like that...
Renard99 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Me and my ex have been broken up for nearly 4 months now. I went no contact, cut all ties with her and haven't heard from her personally since. Seen her a couple of times through mutual friends but we didn't really talk at all, i guess we both acted as if neither of us existed. I haven't seen her, or heard anything about her in about a month now and it hasn't really bothered me, i still think about her atleast once every day though and although i try to supress it i kind of regret some of the things i did, but then again i know it wasn't just my fault and i try to think that she wasn't right for me as otherwise she wouldn't have let me go so easily. I stumbled across a picture of her on facebook the other day through a mutual friends albumn, just her and her best friend and she was just smiling. I don't know why, since this is the first picture of her at a party since we have broken up and i've been out quite a bit with friends and have dozens of pictures of me looking like im really enjoying myself, but seeing this picture of her upset me. Last night i also had a dream about her, nothing serious i pretty much just bumped into her and her friend, said hello and that was it but it seemed so real and upset me for some reason. I caught her staring at me at uni last week but i didn't really look too much into it, i just don't understand why i can't let go of these feelings, i really want to just forget about her. I'm at exactly the same point. I'm also at 4 months since the breakup. It's only just started to get easier but I'm still torn up inside. I, like a few others here, tried to force the thoughts out of my head and ended up feeling worse with so many thoughts beginning to crowd up in a corner of my mind. I ended up realising, just like others, that I'm just going to have to let the thoughts play out in my head. They make me feel awful everytime I have to deal with one but after a few days of it swimming around in my head I've usually confronted it and eradicated it. I know this is going to take quite a while, especially as I work in the building next door to her so I see her frequently entering and leaving work as well as in town whilst on lunch break. I think our best course of action is just to accept the 'hurt' and live with it until it no longer hurts, if you know what I mean.
J0N Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Me and my ex have been broken up for nearly 4 months now. I went no contact, cut all ties with her and haven't heard from her personally since. Seen her a couple of times through mutual friends but we didn't really talk at all, i guess we both acted as if neither of us existed. I haven't seen her, or heard anything about her in about a month now and it hasn't really bothered me, i still think about her atleast once every day though and although i try to supress it i kind of regret some of the things i did, but then again i know it wasn't just my fault and i try to think that she wasn't right for me as otherwise she wouldn't have let me go so easily. I stumbled across a picture of her on facebook the other day through a mutual friends albumn, just her and her best friend and she was just smiling. I don't know why, since this is the first picture of her at a party since we have broken up and i've been out quite a bit with friends and have dozens of pictures of me looking like im really enjoying myself, but seeing this picture of her upset me. Last night i also had a dream about her, nothing serious i pretty much just bumped into her and her friend, said hello and that was it but it seemed so real and upset me for some reason. I caught her staring at me at uni last week but i didn't really look too much into it, i just don't understand why i can't let go of these feelings, i really want to just forget about her. I am around 7 months out of a 2 year relationship and I still get these feelings all the time. It is mostly whenever someone mentions something about her, or I see any new pictures of her or whatever. So don't worry, your not an obsessive ex who can't move on. I think this is actually pretty normal, especially if you really cared a lot about her. Me and my ex are totally blocked on everything, but we had a lot of mutual friends. Even though I have cut off the ones that she hangs out with the most I still occasionally see pictures of her. It usually feels like a Mike Tyson uppercut to the face, even if it is just her smiling. We have also been NC the entire time. As you said we both pretend that the other doesn't exist, I noticed that she has stopped talking to a lot of the people who I hang out with as well. I still occasionally dream about her, and I think about her a lot. She is leaving here for good soon (honestly, she may already be gone I have no idea, I haven't seen or heard from her since last October). I guess it is the final nail in the coffin as far as our 'relationship' goes. I plan to stay this way (pretend she doesn't exist) because it is the only way I know how to deal with the situation. At this point I feel that this is the best for both of us, I respect her decision to live her life the way that she wants even if that is without me in it. I will say though, that if she came back to me I would never date her again. She will have to live with the consequences of leaving me weather they work out for her or not. It is hard to go cold turkey and completely cut off someone who 8 months ago you thought you were going to marry (or at least were very serious with). So keep on trucking man, things will get better with time. Memories will fade and you too WILL move on, and hopefully meet someone better...
9Lives Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 i agree with 9Lives. the more i try to push thoughts of my ex out of my mind, the stronger they get. it's better to just accept their going to be there for some time. in my case, my was my first love, my first everything really - - that's not something i'm going to be able to forget about just like that... Radio, your right. Your not going to forget about that person as much as you would like to right now. It is so so so much easy to just let the thought come and leave. It dont feel as bad as it use to because of the way I look at it now. See how changing your perspective just a little bit can help so much? I do look forward to the day, he is not a thought or is not in my mind so much but at least Im still moving forward and that is what really really matters.
sandman223 Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I am around the 4 month mark as well and still have these feelings a lot. Its weird, right after the break-up i had a lot of highs and lows. The highs would be fairly high, thinking about how I could meet new people, etc. but the lows were very very low. Now I don't get that high or low anymore, but my stabilized state is a good deal lower than my previous, pre-break-up state. Do others feel like this as well?
sandman223 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 anyone feel this way? (what I said in the previous post)
flyman Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 (edited) I am around the 4 month mark as well and still have these feelings a lot. Its weird, right after the break-up i had a lot of highs and lows. The highs would be fairly high, thinking about how I could meet new people, etc. but the lows were very very low. Now I don't get that high or low anymore, but my stabilized state is a good deal lower than my previous, pre-break-up state. Do others feel like this as well? Hi sandman, I'm a little over 5 months. It's normal, right after the break up.. I felt so freed and in control of my life. Things were going to be awesome then not too long after, I'd feel like crap and contact my ex. It was an emotional roller-coaster, it drains you. We need stability, as I started getting that as time went by. Now things, are good and they stay good. Of course, there are moments where I simply think about my past and it hurts a little. I take a walk, try to shake things off my mind. Unfortunately on my side, we are still keeping contact. We still IM each other, but I know that ultimately, this will hurt us both. As for you, things should settle down too Edited May 25, 2011 by flyman
Renard99 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I am around the 4 month mark as well and still have these feelings a lot. Its weird, right after the break-up i had a lot of highs and lows. The highs would be fairly high, thinking about how I could meet new people, etc. but the lows were very very low. Now I don't get that high or low anymore, but my stabilized state is a good deal lower than my previous, pre-break-up state. Do others feel like this as well? I felt the same as you. In my better times I'd sit down and put the tv on, find a program I like but never watched as she hated it and think to my self, life as a batchelor isn't too bad.... then moments later I'd realise that there's no one sat on the sofa next to me as there has been for all the previous years, and I'd hit rock bottom like never before. It's been the same since my mate moved in as my housemate. We get on great as two geeky single guys and have a real laugh (high) but his friendship will never replace the companionship around a house that I shared with her (low). Like you the highs and lows are leveling out but they still average out at a point lower than I was pre break-up. I'm sure one day we'll work our way out of it, many have before us and we sure as hell won't be the last, but until then we just need to ride the waves and swim for calmer waters!
melenkurion Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 but my stabilized state is a good deal lower than my previous, pre-break-up state. Do others feel like this as well? Yes, unfortunately so. But as time passes the stable state is getting "better".
Stilicho Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 im 5 months out of a >2 yr relationship. things get better, NC is the best route. But, its totally normal to still have thought like this, and even dreams, which i can admit that i do fairly often, even though when im awake i no longer have that pining feeling, and see everything from a different standpoint now. As someother people are saying, the periods of stability get longer as time goes by, and thats totally true, i only have the occasional "bad" day. like the other day, i saw her for most likely the final time ever, during our final at school, and i noticed she was wearing a brace on her arm, as if she hurt it. Seeing that made me feel bad for her, and a little sad, but when she walked past me and smiled at me, i also felt angry, thinking she had no right. it made me realize that i do still care about her, but that i dont really want anything to do with her at all. its sad how everything ended, but thats life.
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