EmmyMax Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 We were together two and a half years, living together for one and a half of that, and while we had our challenges we loved and enjoyed each other and had planned a life together. We lived as a married couple and a ring had been picked out and a honeymoon destination picked out. We planned trips and planned for a family, but we also enjoyed each other in the moment. I felt very loved, wanted and supported. The challenges were lifestyle issues. He was still a party boy and surrounded himself with party people. When I say party boy I mean that I would classify him and his friends as having drinking problems. I didn't really know the extent of partying until we moved in together. One of my parents is an alcoholic/drug addict so I started to be "triggered" constantly by their behavior and it reached a point of constant anxiety for me and caused major issues in the relationship. I could go on and on about the positives and negatives about this relationship and how the break-up came about and how wronged I felt, but I just don't have the energy. Anyway, at the time of the break-up I was unemployeed (had quit my job at his request two months earlier) so I found myself financially dependant on him, living in his house and with a broken heart. He said I was the love of his life, but that we weren't working and sometimes love isn't enough. If I hadn't been so blindsided by the break-up I probably would have agreed with him. It was horrible how he kept trying to emotionally support me through the break-up. He hugged me, cried, told me he loved me and that we would get through it together. I was losing a part of me and he didn't understand that he couldn't help me get over him. In fact I felt so hurt and betrayed by him and his out-of the blue decision (just a couple of days before he broke-up with me he told me to take some more time before looking for a job and built me planters for a vegitable garden...not indicators of a pending break-up in my eyes) I didn't even want him around. I spent a week in a haze and then went to work on getting my life together so that I could move out. Within a month I found a job and a place to live (which he had to cosign the lease for and pay the first months rent on because I hadn't started my job yet. It was so hard to have to ask him for anything.) So here I am now knowing that it was for the best because I could not stay in the lifestyle he wanted nor would I want any children to be raised in that environment, but still aching with reminders and the "what will never be's". I want to let him go and move on, but it's just so hard.
smudge21 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Welcome to heartbreak-town, Painsville. It does totally suck this emotional pain we all go through, and I think it's worse as it's a not a physical pain. You can't show someone the scars and expect them to understand. It's all inside and only you can ever deal with it. Time is the only healer, along with no contact. Concentrate on your new job and home, keep yourself mega-busy and don't go searching for info on the ex, no matter how tempted you are. Trust me, that only leads to more hurt - I know for a fact. Go look through this forum as what has helped me is in giving advice to others. It's like I'm accepting my own pain is there, I can't force it out, so instead I'll do some good elsewhere rather then just sitting around letting it eat away at me. Stay strong and good luck.
nana841121 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 NC, NO EXCEPTION. if you really want to move on, move on with the residual feeling for ex. it's ok to move on with the burden of past.
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