betterdeal Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) Yes it does. The major difference between UK and US libel law is that in the US the complainant has to prove the falsity of the statement, whereas in the UK the defendant has to prove the truth of it. The onus is therefore on the complainant in the US but on the defendant in the UK. If I say, "Fugu is a terrible cook - don't eat at his restaurant", Fugu could sue me in the US or UK. In the US, Fugu would have to show culinary aptitude. In the UK, I would have to show Fugu's culinary ineptitude. In the case of the badmouthing dick, in the UK he would have to prove the OP was giving head to the team. In the US, she would have to prove she had not. I have an inkling Canada follows UK libel law. Otherwise, the letter from the solicitor will almost certainly be enough to get a written retraction, or at the very least leave a nasty taste in his mouth. Edited May 23, 2011 by betterdeal
mitchell Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 D-lish. So sorry you are going through this. Don't give this creep the satisfaction of any sort of reply or interaction. He will be so pleased with himself if he knows he has hurt you. The people who know you will ignore these absurd lies. Those who can't see past the hurtful lies don't deserve to get to know you better. Karma will get this loser in the end.
Taramere Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 My pof date actually framed it as "how can all of that be a lie- who would go to that kind of trouble to make those accusations!" I'd be inclined to write thanking him for passing on this information and expressing disappointment in his decision to not only believe those falsehoods unquestioningly but to choose to berate you in respect of them. That you find his decision to believe those rumours ill-judged and disappointing. That he should keep in mind that passing such malicious and unfounded commentary about you onto others would also constitute defamation on his part and that you would therefore appreciate his written, signed agreement that he has not passed these rumours onto third parties and will not do so at any point in the future. That if he cannot provide you with such a guarantee, you will have to consult further with your attorney.
Author D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 I don't think I'd take legal action anyway- that would be putting too much energy into going after a person that doesn't deserve to be acknowledged. The douche still sent me friend requests on facebook once every couple months- for almost 2 years until I finally blocked him. I think if I went after him legally that he'd take it as an invitation to bother me again. At least he doesn't know where I live now, since I've moved. I think he'd take any attention, including negative attention. It just boggles my mind that someone could take things to such a level over being rejected. We were friends at first- but I was always adamant that friendship was all I wanted and it would never go further. He would go through these stages where he's literally beg me to date him. I could probably go out of my way to clear everything up and expose him for the liar he is. I could send him a message on facebook calling him out- then show this dude his responses- but I shouldn't have to. Tara- I did basically tell my date what you suggested. After our lengthy exchanges yesterday he said he'd think about things and maybe we could meet up and talk in person... I said no to that. As far as I am concerned, it's not worth it trying to overcome all the drama. I hope karma bites him in the ass one of these days:mad:
ladyinlimbo Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I don't think I'd take legal action anyway- that would be putting too much energy into going after a person that doesn't deserve to be acknowledged. The douche still sent me friend requests on facebook once every couple months- for almost 2 years until I finally blocked him. I think if I went after him legally that he'd take it as an invitation to bother me again. At least he doesn't know where I live now, since I've moved. I think he'd take any attention, including negative attention. It just boggles my mind that someone could take things to such a level over being rejected. We were friends at first- but I was always adamant that friendship was all I wanted and it would never go further. He would go through these stages where he's literally beg me to date him. I could probably go out of my way to clear everything up and expose him for the liar he is. I could send him a message on facebook calling him out- then show this dude his responses- but I shouldn't have to. Tara- I did basically tell my date what you suggested. After our lengthy exchanges yesterday he said he'd think about things and maybe we could meet up and talk in person... I said no to that. As far as I am concerned, it's not worth it trying to overcome all the drama. I hope karma bites him in the ass one of these days:mad: 1. Nobody says you have to sue the guy, but if he's spreading vicious lies about you with respect to STDs and giving out BJs like they were lollipops, why wouldn't you at least consider having a lawyer send him a letter? I'm sure Mr Freak has told more than the POF guy about your lies; what about other people on your ball team? 2. Facebook drama is nothing but silly drama.....so don't get caught up in it, it always looks so childish and just makes things much worse; and if you're dealing with a psychotic guy who doesn't handle rejection well, you're only going to be stirring up a real hornet's nest. 3. I would seriously BLOCK the POF dude and not have any further communication with him. The fact that he would go on a date with you, then based on hearsay from someone else, contact you back on POF to accuse you of misrepresenting yourself/being a liar........well that shows what a tool he is....and you should never have to defend yourself to some stranger who is quick to believe the hearsay of others. I wouldn't have even gotten into it with him other than to tell him that the source of the lies is someone who you once rejected, who stalked and harassed you and that anyone who knows you would know the truth - and that if he's that quick to believe things he's heard such that he's calling you a liar, then it speaks volumes about his character and you're clearly not a match" -- BLOCK.
betterdeal Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 POF chap - Thanks for the fair trial! Now f*ck off. Stalker - his phone number in the men's bogs of every truck stop within 20 miles
ladyinlimbo Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 POF chap - Thanks for the fair trial! Now f*ck off. Stalker - his phone number in the men's bogs of every truck stop within 20 miles LOL I find it odd, too, that Stalker guy would tell a lie about having allegedly contracted an STD from the OP......why would someone tell a lie that would also paint them in such a negative light? Does he want it to go around now that he's got an STD? LOL (no D-Lish, not saying you're lying.....just saying that the guy is even more of a conehead).
tigressA Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I hope karma bites him in the ass one of these days It most assuredly will. Really sucks that this happened to you. I think the way you've chosen to deal with it is admirable. I really agree with not meeting up with your date. Like other posters here have said, the psycho did you a favor by weeding out a crappy guy who didn't even let you defend yourself against the disgusting falsehoods. Someone like that is certainly not worth any more of your time. Also...in some cases, saying you want to be just friends with someone who wants to date you isn't enough to deter them. Since they're infatuated and have rose-colored glasses on, they usually interpret you still hanging out with and talking to them as reasons why they still have a chance with you.It's all about how they're seeing it. Even a simple "Hello" will sometimes be misconstrued as romantic interest. Next time you get into a scenario like this, I would advise cutting off the friendship as soon as you know a guy is interested in more, when you're not. The best way to manage relationships like this is to let them die.
Author D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 1. Nobody says you have to sue the guy, but if he's spreading vicious lies about you with respect to STDs and giving out BJs like they were lollipops, why wouldn't you at least consider having a lawyer send him a letter? I'm sure Mr Freak has told more than the POF guy about your lies; what about other people on your ball team? 2. Facebook drama is nothing but silly drama.....so don't get caught up in it, it always looks so childish and just makes things much worse; and if you're dealing with a psychotic guy who doesn't handle rejection well, you're only going to be stirring up a real hornet's nest. 3. I would seriously BLOCK the POF dude and not have any further communication with him. The fact that he would go on a date with you, then based on hearsay from someone else, contact you back on POF to accuse you of misrepresenting yourself/being a liar........well that shows what a tool he is....and you should never have to defend yourself to some stranger who is quick to believe the hearsay of others. I wouldn't have even gotten into it with him other than to tell him that the source of the lies is someone who you once rejected, who stalked and harassed you and that anyone who knows you would know the truth - and that if he's that quick to believe things he's heard such that he's calling you a liar, then it speaks volumes about his character and you're clearly not a match" -- BLOCK. Thanks:o I don't have anyone on my facebook that is involved in any of this besides baseball friends- and I wouldn't get involved in facebook drama anyway:) As for my baseball team, everyone would back me up- I had been around much longer than the stalker, and all of them knew about his weird obsession. He was friends with one of the couples- which is how he came to our team- and even that couple would know we never dated and none of the stuff he was saying is true (but who knows what he told them- maybe he constructed a different story). Some of the girls I'd known for years from a previous baseball team, and we still keep in touch. We would literally all hang out in the parking lot, have a couple of beers after the game- and everyone would go home. Geesh, it was all couples- as if I was sneaking off with people's husbands to their cars with their wives standing right there! It's ridiculous. I did tell pof guy "later". I just don't want to be involved in it. I have to think, were I in his shoes and a mutual friend said horrible things about him after our date, I would have been in the same position wondering what was the truth. I can't really blame him for wondering what the hell was going on- but I don't want to have anything to do with him regardless.
Mimolicious Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Is this seriously a "Criminal Case" in Canada? Wow... D-lish. You may just create more drama by handling it the wrong way. I mean, do you live in a very small community that it would matter the lies that some smuck can spread? How is it that you are on POF and you are going on dates with fishes from the same pond? These men sound like boys, better yet lil b*tches. You may either let the stalker know in a few lines that you heard about all the lying he's done (get ready for the unleashing) or you can ignore it and seek dates with men who don't roll with the same circle. That's just my suggestion...
TuffCookieX Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Didn't read the whole thread, but my thoughts was to send him a letter from a lawyer. Maybe it will scare him enough that you don't have to go to court. I wouldn't let it go because it sounds like this creepy guy will never allow anyone else to be in your life romantically and will do just about anything to make sure of it. Maybe go to the police station and see what they recommend you do.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I did tell pof guy "later". I just don't want to be involved in it. I have to think, were I in his shoes and a mutual friend said horrible things about him after our date, I would have been in the same position wondering what was the truth. I can't really blame him for wondering what the hell was going on- but I don't want to have anything to do with him regardless. Sure, it's understandable that he had some concerns based on what Stalker guy told him.........but he approached you about it with total and utter disrespect, by accusing you of lying to him, did he not? If he was a decent guy he would have approached you more in this way..........."hey there, this is kind of an awkward thing to bring up but it's on my mind and it's best to get things out in the open. ******* has told me some rather negative and alarming things about you. I'm not saying that I believe him at all, I really don't know either of you that well.....but I just wanted you to know." But it seems to me from what you've explained here, POF guy came at you all accusatory and putting you immediately on the defensive. Not a sharp tack.
Author D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Is this seriously a "Criminal Case" in Canada? Wow... D-lish. You may just create more drama by handling it the wrong way. I mean, do you live in a very small community that it would matter the lies that some smuck can spread? How is it that you are on POF and you are going on dates with fishes from the same pond? These men sound like boys, better yet lil b*tches. You may either let the stalker know in a few lines that you heard about all the lying he's done (get ready for the unleashing) or you can ignore it and seek dates with men who don't roll with the same circle. That's just my suggestion... It's a small world! It's not a small town- but a mid sized city. I've since moved more than half hour away. The chance contact from the twin's brother was a fluke really. But, it hasn't been usual to meet people and find out you know some of the same people!
Author D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Sure, it's understandable that he had some concerns based on what Stalker guy told him.........but he approached you about it with total and utter disrespect, by accusing you of lying to him, did he not? If he was a decent guy he would have approached you more in this way..........."hey there, this is kind of an awkward thing to bring up but it's on my mind and it's best to get things out in the open. ******* has told me some rather negative and alarming things about you. I'm not saying that I believe him at all, I really don't know either of you that well.....but I just wanted you to know." But it seems to me from what you've explained here, POF guy came at you all accusatory and putting you immediately on the defensive. Not a sharp tack. Oh I agree- and it put me on the defense! I wasn't going to go out with him again no matter what he said! I'm still toying with whether or not I am going to confront the guy and tell him I know what he's said. A part of me just wants to let him know I know what he's done.
Mimolicious Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 It's a small world! It's not a small town- but a mid sized city. I've since moved more than half hour away. The chance contact from the twin's brother was a fluke really. But, it hasn't been usual to meet people and find out you know some of the same people! I know the feeling all too well. Can you filter the location? LOL! Getting to know someone that has zippo chances of knowing anything about you (from other people) gives you (general you) also a chance of getting to know more of yourself. Amazing how that can work in your benefit. Besides, it is a refreshing feeling as well. Good luck!
Stellaria Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Don't respond or contact the stalker guy. It leaves a trail. Use the money you might put towards a lawyer and hire some guys to beat him up instead. Make sure the cash payment for the thugs is paid through a proxy so they don't know who hired them.
Author D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Didn't read the whole thread, but my thoughts was to send him a letter from a lawyer. Maybe it will scare him enough that you don't have to go to court. I wouldn't let it go because it sounds like this creepy guy will never allow anyone else to be in your life romantically and will do just about anything to make sure of it. Maybe go to the police station and see what they recommend you do. I guess I am of the mind that it's not worth my energy. I didn't even post half of the stuff he'd said- and the stuff he'd said was years ago to the other brother. The thing is- I could cause so many problems for this guy- and I'd never do that. The douche has had a gf for a long time- he started dating her while we were still on good terms. I felt relief he'd give up on the idea of romance because of it- but he still declared feelings of love for me during that time, and even sent me a pic of his dick (the final straw for me) when he was with her. He also slammed the other twin (his supposed friend) and said some pretty terrible things about him to me after I expressed he was cute once. He actually said the other twin solicited prostitutes, had genital warts, cheated on all his gf's and stole money from his employer. these are things I could have mentioned to pof guy- but just chose not to. I just didn't want to get pulled into the drama any further (also, that's not how I roll). I'm trying to come up with something to say to the douche- something that will have impact and make him feel like a piece of crap.
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I guess I am of the mind that it's not worth my energy. You know what, if you are already starting to move past it and out of the angry phase, that's probably the best course. What got me going was that it made you physically ill and how despicable those lies were.
snug.bunny Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I would just ignore it and leave it alone. If you reach out to him, you will be doing it out of anger and what purpose would it serve to allow any type of reaction from you, towards some man and his off base comments. If it interfered and put things at risk such as your personal safety, your friends/family, your job ---then I would consider that as serious enough to take action. But, this is just some person you befriended who lashed out at you, for his own personal reasons and he does not sound like someone you should have any further contact with, even if it's to only tell him to bugger off.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I guess I am of the mind that it's not worth my energy. I didn't even post half of the stuff he'd said- and the stuff he'd said was years ago to the other brother. The thing is- I could cause so many problems for this guy- and I'd never do that. The douche has had a gf for a long time- he started dating her while we were still on good terms. I felt relief he'd give up on the idea of romance because of it- but he still declared feelings of love for me during that time, and even sent me a pic of his dick (the final straw for me) when he was with her. He also slammed the other twin (his supposed friend) and said some pretty terrible things about him to me after I expressed he was cute once. He actually said the other twin solicited prostitutes, had genital warts, cheated on all his gf's and stole money from his employer. these are things I could have mentioned to pof guy- but just chose not to. I just didn't want to get pulled into the drama any further (also, that's not how I roll). I'm trying to come up with something to say to the douche- something that will have impact and make him feel like a piece of crap. I don't think that you can really make a crappy person feel like crap. I also think that contacting Stalker guy will give him something in writing, should it ever come down to it, to make claims that you're stalking HIM....or twist it around to say that you're just sore that he wasn't interested in YOU and now you're trying to retaliate. A lot of stalkerish, unstable, vindictive individuals will twist things around majorly when they feel confronted or cornered. It's likely best that you give him no reason to say or prove that you're contacting him..............because should things turn worse and you did have to go to the police or a lawyer, and you explain to them about his past stalkerish behavior, it will hurt your case if you tell them you initiated contact with him, regardless of the reason. I know it's really hard to keep quiet when someone is telling lies; it's only natural to want to confront them and let them know that you "know" and that they're not as clever and sharp as they let on they are.......but given that the guy is a loose cannon and still has a bone to pick with you due to your rejection of him, I'd really encourage you to avoid any kind of contact with him. Also, I'm sure he likely knows you know....because it would seem realistic that POF guy would have told him that he called you on the things that he'd heard..........so Stalker guy is going to know, you can bet on that.
Author D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 I don't think that you can really make a crappy person feel like crap. I also think that contacting Stalker guy will give him something in writing, should it ever come down to it, to make claims that you're stalking HIM....or twist it around to say that you're just sore that he wasn't interested in YOU and now you're trying to retaliate. A lot of stalkerish, unstable, vindictive individuals will twist things around majorly when they feel confronted or cornered. It's likely best that you give him no reason to say or prove that you're contacting him..............because should things turn worse and you did have to go to the police or a lawyer, and you explain to them about his past stalkerish behavior, it will hurt your case if you tell them you initiated contact with him, regardless of the reason. I know it's really hard to keep quiet when someone is telling lies; it's only natural to want to confront them and let them know that you "know" and that they're not as clever and sharp as they let on they are.......but given that the guy is a loose cannon and still has a bone to pick with you due to your rejection of him, I'd really encourage you to avoid any kind of contact with him. Also, I'm sure he likely knows you know....because it would seem realistic that POF guy would have told him that he called you on the things that he'd heard..........so Stalker guy is going to know, you can bet on that. Good point. I also wondered if reigniting contact would encourage him again. This is a guy that had an unhealthy obsession- and rocking the boat probably isn't a good idea- no matter how pissed off I am.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 That's limiting advice. If the OP is good-looking, what is she supposed to do? Be a cold bitch and never hang out with any groups that include single guys? That guy was an *******. It is unfortunate, but some people are just like that. Of course the guy was an A-Hole, but being pretty makes you learn pretty wuickly in life that if she doesnt want guys up her ass, you dont entertain them. She KNEW this guy liked her and continued to hang out with him anyway. She knew he would keep trying and hoping, and she wouldnt cut him off for whatever reason. She can hang out with groups all she wants, but she cant avoid saying no to guys just to avoid looking like a bitch. Shes not a bitch, so it doesnt matter what they think. You lead the wrong guy on and this is what you get. If she wasnt attracted to the guy, she should have never hung out with him, and he would never have gone this far.
OriginalPenguin Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I'm trying to come up with something to say to the douche- something that will have impact and make him feel like a piece of crap. Something tells me that nothing can be said to a person like this to make them feel anything except validated. That being said, I am really sorry to hear this story. Sounds like a nightmare.
sumdude Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Damn D, you're dealing with a pathological liar. Engaging with him at all would be a waste of time and energy. It sucks beyond belief when you realize that there are even a few people in world who think badly of you just because one person told some lies. I've been in that position and it hurts. Just walk away head held high from all of it and anyone who chooses to believe that S@*#!
MrNate Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Damn D, you're dealing with a pathological liar. Engaging with him at all would be a waste of time and energy. It sucks beyond belief when you realize that there are even a few people in world who think badly of you just because one person told some lies. I've been in that position and it hurts. Just walk away head held high from all of it and anyone who chooses to believe that S@*#! This is what I was going to hit at. I've seen post after post containing the words: lawyer, expensive, draft, defamation, slander, sue. Really? C'mon, people. Just utilize a more appropriate option: Send your letter (if you choose, not sure how much of a difference that would even make in my opinion, but if it helps you feel better...) then disconnect from that entire network. This would save you lots of time/money as opposed to forging legal documents.
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