sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Weak. Excellent point, the stalker/slanderer actually did you a backhanded favor by weeding out an idiot for you who thought it was cool to go off on you before getting your side of the story.
cerridwen Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 DufenS, Can you please STFU :mad::mad::mad::mad: x2 :mad::mad::mad: Hugs D-Lish
RovingReporter Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Lol @ the "SUE HIM" nonsense. Unless she has some way of proving she doesn't hand out blow jobs like candy it might be difficult:p Lawyers are expensive. Why blow thousands of dollars to clear your name with a couple weirdos from POF?
Sabali Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Lol @ the "SUE HIM" nonsense. Unless she has some way of proving she doesn't hand out blow jobs like candy it might be difficult:p Lawyers are expensive. Why blow thousands of dollars to clear your name with a couple weirdos from POF? You said it, I didn't... Unfortunately, this is one of those pitfalls of dating and simply existing. Really. The universe can be unfair at times.
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Lol @ the "SUE HIM" nonsense. Unless she has some way of proving she doesn't hand out blow jobs like candy it might be difficult:p Lawyers are expensive. Why blow thousands of dollars to clear your name with a couple weirdos from POF? 1. Truth of the defamatory statements is an affirmative defense, it must be proven by the defendant. And as someone else said, truth may not be an issue in Canada. So she doesn't have to prove anything other than the defamatory statement was made. 2. We don't know how many people this dude has repeated the slander to, don't know about you, but if my rep in my community is damaged unjustly in this egregious a fashion, I'm gonna kick some ass. You be a doormat if you want. What if some girl told all your closest friends you were gay/straight as applicable, and it caused real repurcussions in your social life? 3. It's not just two dudes from POF, these are people she socializes with in her real life social group. Reading comprehension ftw. 4. As stated previously, lots of people know lawyers, and lots of lawyers would write such a letter pro bono, just takes one letter to shake this guy's tree real good.
Sabali Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I can't help but to ask myself what outcome is expected from either confronting or getting a lawyer on the case? I'm not seeking to provide a solution to the matter. I am just putting out my thoughts. Lets imagine confronting the guy. Will he fold after a good tongue lashing and go around to everyone who has heard the rumor and restore things to what once was? If a lawyer scare stops him from spreading the rumor what about all those who have already heard it? Could it be possible that a confrontation actually make things worse?
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 The lawyer letter demands a recant and sincere apology which if he provides it, she can then use to embarrass the hell out of the guy by publishing that to their shared social connections.
Sabali Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Again, I am not saying there is a right or wrong way to handle this and I offer no solutions but I wonder about the possible consequences of publishing such a letter. Do more people get exposed to this dirty laundry?
threebyfate Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If you really want proof, call him and tape the convo. Edit - I should clarify. This advice is solely from the perspective of proving your innocence between friends. If you need proof for any defamation suit, consult your legal counsel.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 You actually have a pretty good defamation case, provided you know a lawyer who would take it. Sue his ass. A defamation lawsuit would not be worthwhile. Unless she can prove some type of monetary damages (which is very doubtful based on the facts she listed), even if she could win a defamation case, she wouldn't recover any money from the guy and would have to pay for an attorney to represent herself. Maybe she could press charges for some type of criminal harassment?
Chicago_Guy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If you really want proof, call him and tape the convo. Edit - I should clarify. This advice is solely from the perspective of proving your innocence between friends. If you need proof for any defamation suit, consult your legal counsel. It is illegal to record a telephone conversation without the other person's consent in many jurisdictions. I don't know where the OP lives, but I know that it would be illegal to do that in California, for example.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 D-Lish, I dont think you have any actionable case against the guy since its just hearesay, but I hope you learned your lesson about hanging out with guys "as friends" when you know they have crushes on you. Lessons like DONT DO IT! Only hang out with people that are not attracted to you, besides someone youre dating.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 1. Truth of the defamatory statements is an affirmative defense, it must be proven by the defendant. And as someone else said, truth may not be an issue in Canada. So she doesn't have to prove anything other than the defamatory statement was made. 2. We don't know how many people this dude has repeated the slander to, don't know about you, but if my rep in my community is damaged unjustly in this egregious a fashion, I'm gonna kick some ass. You be a doormat if you want. What if some girl told all your closest friends you were gay/straight as applicable, and it caused real repurcussions in your social life? 3. It's not just two dudes from POF, these are people she socializes with in her real life social group. Reading comprehension ftw. 4. As stated previously, lots of people know lawyers, and lots of lawyers would write such a letter pro bono, just takes one letter to shake this guy's tree real good. No - truth is always a defense to defamation. If a truthful statement has been made, by definition it cannot possibly be defamatory. I suppose that if that guy told the lie to enough people, maybe she could have a cause of action for "false light" invasion of privacy, but even that would probably be a big waste of time and money for her to pursue. Suing the guy who was making up stories about her would be a complete waste of time and money. I know she is upset, but a lawsuit for defamation is not the answer. Maybe if a lawyer did sent that guy a letter it would scare him into stopping what he has been doing, even if she never intends to sue him for anything.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 D-Lish, I dont think you have any actionable case against the guy since its just hearesay, but I hope you learned your lesson about hanging out with guys "as friends" when you know they have crushes on you. Lessons like DONT DO IT! Only hang out with people that are not attracted to you, besides someone youre dating. That's limiting advice. If the OP is good-looking, what is she supposed to do? Be a cold bitch and never hang out with any groups that include single guys? That guy was an *******. It is unfortunate, but some people are just like that.
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Again, I am not saying there is a right or wrong way to handle this and I offer no solutions but I wonder about the possible consequences of publishing such a letter. Do more people get exposed to this dirty laundry? Odds are this is not the first girl he has pulled this with. Wouldn't be so gung ho about this other than people rarely catch the perpertrator redhanded in such an egregious, hurtful slander. If OP doesn't really value this social group's opinion, and doesn't think it has spread further, leave it lie. If she is still furious and upset days or weeks later to the point of physical illness, this guy has done real damage to her and should be held accountable.
threebyfate Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 It is illegal to record a telephone conversation without the other person's consent in many jurisdictions. I don't know where the OP lives, but I know that it would be illegal to do that in California, for example.In D's jurisdiction, it only needs the consent of one party.
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 No - truth is always a defense to defamation. If a truthful statement has been made, by definition it cannot possibly be defamatory. Yes, but as stated previously, truth is an affirmative defense that must be proven by the defendant, and someone with familiarity with Canadian law stated that truth may not even be a defense in Canada, citing only publication and damages as elements. I suppose that if that guy told the lie to enough people, maybe she could have a cause of action for "false light" invasion of privacy, but even that would probably be a big waste of time and money for her to pursue. No, he only has to tell it to -one- third person to satisfy publication. Invasion of privacy is a nonissue here. All the elements are present for defamation in U.S. common law, which may be varied by state statute. Since this happened in Canada, of course things may be different. No, it would not be a big waste of time and money, at least getting a letter written which might be all it takes to get the guy to recant and apologize in writing. What if defendant has deep pockets OP doesn't know about? Maybe if a lawyer did sent that guy a letter it would scare him into stopping what he has been doing, even if she never intends to sue him for anything. You reckon?
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 D-Lish, I dont think you have any actionable case against the guy since its just hearesay, Wrong, it's not hearesay (sic) and wrong, monetary damages need not be proven, OP's damages would be presumed as part of the "per se" definition in most jurisdictions. in the U.S. common law no idea about Canada. Done with the legal theorizing, have had my say.
Dust Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Sorry to hear what you are going through. The only things you needed to say was “I had no idea this guy was saying such lies about me. We never so much as kissed, so what ever STD’s he has aren’t from me. As far as giving out blow jobs in the parking lot that just sounds ridiculous, how would he even know? I would never do that, and besides every one was there with their wives/gf beside that loser. I wish I had never known him.” The crazy loser who lies about having sex and dating a girl is nothing new. Your new guy should be able to see through this and make the decision for himself. I would question the guy and see right through him if it was me. “how would you know if she gave bj’s in the parking lot, were you there, no one says they got a bj from her so how could she just be giving them out?” “Why would a girl like that, date a guy like you?” I wouldn’t message that guy, he would just enjoy it.
betterdeal Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Get a solicitor to send the bad mouthing dick a letter, like other posters have said. As for your date, if he can't give you a fair chance to give your response to allegations he's heard from someone else, that's a pretty undesirable trait in my book.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Yes, but as stated previously, truth is an affirmative defense that must be proven by the defendant, and someone with familiarity with Canadian law stated that truth may not even be a defense in Canada, citing only publication and damages as elements. What you wrote is completely illogical. By definition, a defamatory statement is one that is an "intentional false communication." So if the OP were to sue someone for defamation, the obvious way to defend oneself is to establish that the statement was not "false," i.e., by implication that the statement was true. It is well-established that truth is always a defense against defamation in any jurisdiction.
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 What you wrote is completely illogical. By definition, a defamatory statement is one that is an "intentional false communication." So if the OP were to sue someone for defamation, the obvious way to defend oneself is to establish that the statement was not "false," i.e., by implication that the statement was true. The wiki says that truth (justification) is an affirmative defense that the defendant must raise in Canada, no idea if that's actually the law or not as wiki is not authoritative, but the wiki article is very plain that truth or probable truth is either something the defendant must prove or isn't even a defense. It is well-established that truth is always a defense against defamation in any jurisdiction. No, it most certainly is not. Read and do your own research, done arguing with you. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defamation
utterer of lies Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If you are friends with most of the people in the circle on facebook, why not just make a message, something like "Very sad. Found out X. is spreading lies about me, just because I rejected him." Facebook drama is the best kind of drama.
betterdeal Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If Canada's defamation law is like English law, it is markedly different from US defamation law. Best to ask a solicitor.
Fugu Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 What you wrote is completely illogical. By definition, a defamatory statement is one that is an "intentional false communication." So if the OP were to sue someone for defamation, the obvious way to defend oneself is to establish that the statement was not "false," i.e., by implication that the statement was true. It is well-established that truth is always a defense against defamation in any jurisdiction. No, you're the one who's not getting it. A statement that is defamatory means that it injures the reputation of another person, which by definition means that it is a negative statement made by one person to another person about a third party. The crux of defamation is that it is capable of injuring someone's reputation in the eyes of a reasonably-minded person -- falsity has nothing to do with defamation itself. In the United States, truth is a defense against a claim of defamation because in the United States there are broad freedoms of expression that are protected in the Constitution. That is why truth can be a defense in the United States, but in traditional British/Commonwealth common law, defamation does not necessarily have to be false in order for it to be defamatory.
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