13 years of with the Wife and now she tells me?

[coolheadal]

She doesn't love me anymore. I am type of man who is really nice, caring and love the one he is with. But with her I always felt there wasn't that same type of relationship. Been odd 13 years. No kids yet. She told me in 2012, but now she doesn't want to have them with me. I am 15 years older than her and I know what you going to say. But frankly I never look my age. She tells me I don't even look or act it either. I feel I have a very good heart inside too.

 

I have tried to do everything possible to keep this marriage along, but it seems like she has gone another direction. My in-laws are not the sort you want to hang around with they will double back stab you to make it the worst possible experience. In other words you can't trust them with anything you say to them. They seem to try to make it worst for me. Then there is the side remarks or comments they make but in all the time with stupid jokes on their part. Oh your wife is seeing someone else stuff like that. Her brothers do the same. My advise to myself it not to hang out around them. They're bad to do so.

 

So the past few days the wife hasn't been coming home at all. Last night she didn't come home. She was gone from 3pm Sat to 12n on Sun. She calls me to ask if I wanted anything at Donkin doughnuts. When I ask her where you are at. She told me it's none of your business. This NOUB is coming out of her mouth like crazy. Even a while ago I thought she would be home with me tonight. Again that text message comes in and she's gone out again. She told me she met some older ladies at the gym she goes too. So she's goes there.

 

I know I should follow her and see where she goes? But what's that going to do for me? Nothing, just some peace of mine. I look at her in her eyes they seem tired. I tell her way not stay home with me and watch a movie. She told me no she wanted to go out.

 

So, so unset with her now. I try not to think about it. So much going on with me right now. We have two large dog's. She won't even take them out or walk them. They bark so much she won't do anything. She won't cook, clean or nothing. I have to do it all. So this makes me tired always. Then she has a smart mouth saying I see you haven't done anything today! But I did! Clean up the dishes and washed all her clothes. I don't mine doing that, to me it's fun washing clothes. I don't fold though. I am not ironing them either. She has to iron them. But she wont' fold or put them away.

 

Lazy wife if you ask me. She won't cook she use too but go lazy when her Mom would call her at work to say she had cooked something sweet for her.

 

So this is my wife Schedule:

 

Mon - Dinner at the parents (as her mom cooks for her)

Tues - Lunch at her parents (as her mom cooks for her)

Wed - thru Thurs she's here I do the cooking

Fri - Dinner at the parents again Also dinner at the parents even on Wed

Fri - Girls night out (a bunch of women drinking and such) Now I had one to one of these parties because the women hosting it her husband was helping them with food and such. He told me he didn't mine doing that. It was fun but I don't want to go there every Friday night to hang out with them.

 

So that how the wife is.. She just called me to say she was coming home. So what do you all think of this wife I have. Most tell me I should get out of it. But I am at that age where I just want to settle down and have a happy life with the person I want to be with which is the wife. No one is perfect and I know from experience everyone going to have something odd about them.

 

Prior to her the women kept on being not truthful with me. Thanks to their girlfriends I was able to catch them in the act of a lie!

[SoleMate]

Do you have a question?

[The Great Gazoo]

She's testing the waters to move on.

 

She doesn't want security and settling down, she wants to be out on the town and have fun. More than likely looking for a new man too.

 

Why would you want to be with someone who is so selfish, so unconcerned about your feelings and your needs?

[coolheadal]

questions in there.

I think your putting up with someone (quite well judging your words) who has nothing but HER best interests at heart. She`s not even thinking about your feelings for one second.

You`ve been with her 13 years? Think by this time you both should be `settled down`. Have to tried talking to her?

You love her with all your heart? unfortunately it seems to be a one way street. The way she is behaving and acting she doesn`t appear to feel the same. Saying to you `it`s none of your business` is just harsh and cruel and if i might add childish.

 

Thanks, I am alone and don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff. Yes she is harsh and deep down cruel. I blame most of that on her mother the way she has treated she and her two brothers when they were small. They're no better than the wife their sister. They abuse their wives harshly. Those wives came to me and told me their story. One is divorce now she couldn't deal my wife brother anymore he would get her in a choke hold always. They have two small kinds at the time. Today these kids are so dysfunctional and very rude. When they see me, they don't say hello uncle "my first name" They just look down. I tell them what did you say? I shouldn't have to tell them.

 

Anyway it's weird when I wrote the above first post I say she was gone for about 15-20m, then I got a call from her asking me in a nice tone if I had wanted anything at burger king. I don't know where she had gone? Again she won't tell me. Sure she's acting like a child to it doesn't make much sense this is going on. Yes most of what you said about her is true. We should be settle down by now.

 

Why even get a house where she doesn't do everything around it. All she does is go to work come home take off her clothes and throw me around the house. If I don't pick them up they stay there and then she tells me I don't do anything and the house stinks. Sure it stinks if you take off dirty clothes and leave them all over the place. She doesn't even open here bills and they just pile up. She's not good handling her checking. She's always overdrawn.

 

Last year I had our tax refund had gone into my private account. Doing this make her go wacko on me. So this year the $3,000 plus gone into our join checking. What a big mistake that was. Most of the money gone to the mortgage to pay that off and the rest is a question mark? I say that because for mother's day she told she wanted to spend $500 bucks on a gazebo for her mom and dad to kill off both mother's day and father's day gifts. But that' way to much to spend on them both for those days. So she told me she got one for $160 which was more than that after checking into it.

 

That money could have been use for bills I did pull some out before it was all gone for that purpose. She not good with money I see. I have to be one step a head of her with that. Her SUV needs 4x tires and that going to cost $400 bucks she should have taken the money for the gazebo to get them. No she's going to look at me to get them. Telling me it's my thing to do. What it's her vehicle which she lets the entire family drive it except for me. Crazy. I take care of the insurance for it so I told her I have to drive it otherwise I'll drop the insurance for it. She told go ahead, I'll drop your medical coverage. See no win with her. I usually don't talk to her too much. We use too a lot.

Edited May 23, 2011 by coolheadal

[reboot]

She's testing the waters to move on.

 

I'd say she's way past "testing" the waters. She's running around on him and probably has been for a long time.

[coolheadal]

She's testing the waters to move on.

 

She doesn't want security and settling down, she wants to be out on the town and have fun. More than likely looking for a new man too.

 

Why would you want to be with someone who is so selfish, so unconcerned about your feelings and your needs?

 

 

I figured that what was going on but she said no. But the odd thing about your second reply is that she flip flops and acts normal. I am trying to figure out if it was all a game she was doing. What was her goal and now all of a sudden bringing this on right now.

 

I going away for 2 months to take care of another issue, but she told me before I go to fix the back door or replace it because she doesn't feel safe without me in the house. Now this one is odd because if I do that I might not be able to get back into the house. That the rate she's going with this. I had take her out to dinner prior to this stuff. And she told me she had something to say to me. I was taken by surprise with her comments.

[coolheadal]

I'd say she's way past "testing" the waters. She's running around on him and probably has been for a long time.

 

No this just started this month. I am so shock it's starting like this. I got her a cell phone for texting and this texting which I am not into is the only way for me to get in contact with her. This stuff is crazy she brings to bed. Who can you be texting so late at night or into the morning. She told me friends. She got several IM up on her laptop and texting on the phone at the same time. All of a sudden where did all these girls friends come from?

 

One night while driving back here something struck her windshield I thought that would have been a sign for her stop what she was doing. Nope. Drinking and driving isn't any good.

[YellowShark]

Dude. You're wife of 13 years:

 

1) said she doesn't love you anymore.

2) has back-stabbing parents.

3) hasn't been coming home at all.

4) won't cook, clean or nothing.

5) is not good handling her checking.

6) is always overdrawn.

7) doesn't talk to you much anymore.

8) drinks and drives?

 

Sounds like a very unhealthy marriage. Since you don't have kids is this what you want from your emotional and financial partner for the rest of your life? Seriously?

[robf1971]

She doesn't love me anymore. I am type of man who is really nice, caring and love the one he is with. But with her I always felt there wasn't that same type of relationship. Been odd 13 years. No kids yet. She told me in 2012, but now she doesn't want to have them with me. I am 15 years older than her and I know what you going to say. But frankly I never look my age. She tells me I don't even look or act it either. I feel I have a very good heart inside too.

 

I have tried to do everything possible to keep this marriage along, but it seems like she has gone another direction. My in-laws are not the sort you want to hang around with they will double back stab you to make it the worst possible experience. In other words you can't trust them with anything you say to them. They seem to try to make it worst for me. Then there is the side remarks or comments they make but in all the time with stupid jokes on their part. Oh your wife is seeing someone else stuff like that. Her brothers do the same. My advise to myself it not to hang out around them. They're bad to do so.

 

So the past few days the wife hasn't been coming home at all. Last night she didn't come home. She was gone from 3pm Sat to 12n on Sun. She calls me to ask if I wanted anything at Donkin doughnuts. When I ask her where you are at. She told me it's none of your business. This NOUB is coming out of her mouth like crazy. Even a while ago I thought she would be home with me tonight. Again that text message comes in and she's gone out again. She told me she met some older ladies at the gym she goes too. So she's goes there.

 

I know I should follow her and see where she goes? But what's that going to do for me? Nothing, just some peace of mine. I look at her in her eyes they seem tired. I tell her way not stay home with me and watch a movie. She told me no she wanted to go out.

 

So, so unset with her now. I try not to think about it. So much going on with me right now. We have two large dog's. She won't even take them out or walk them. They bark so much she won't do anything. She won't cook, clean or nothing. I have to do it all. So this makes me tired always. Then she has a smart mouth saying I see you haven't done anything today! But I did! Clean up the dishes and washed all her clothes. I don't mine doing that, to me it's fun washing clothes. I don't fold though. I am not ironing them either. She has to iron them. But she wont' fold or put them away.

 

Lazy wife if you ask me. She won't cook she use too but go lazy when her Mom would call her at work to say she had cooked something sweet for her.

 

So this is my wife Schedule:

 

Mon - Dinner at the parents (as her mom cooks for her)

Tues - Lunch at her parents (as her mom cooks for her)

Wed - thru Thurs she's here I do the cooking

Fri - Dinner at the parents again Also dinner at the parents even on Wed

Fri - Girls night out (a bunch of women drinking and such) Now I had one to one of these parties because the women hosting it her husband was helping them with food and such. He told me he didn't mine doing that. It was fun but I don't want to go there every Friday night to hang out with them.

 

So that how the wife is.. She just called me to say she was coming home. So what do you all think of this wife I have. Most tell me I should get out of it. But I am at that age where I just want to settle down and have a happy life with the person I want to be with which is the wife. No one is perfect and I know from experience everyone going to have something odd about them.

 

Prior to her the women kept on being not truthful with me. Thanks to their girlfriends I was able to catch them in the act of a lie!

 

I think there's a 90% chance she's cheating and has no respect for you, and the only thing you can do is find out whats going on. If she is playing around kick her to the kerb..

[Surfer203]

Normally I would not advise any one to give up but it sounds like she already has. Why are you bothering with her? Sounds like a free-loading. Not a good resume she is building for herself as a human being.

 

The texting thing is usually a sure fire thing. My wife was texting non-shop preceeding our separation. She used the same excuse "friends". You are too smart to believe that anyway.

[robf1971]

. Who can you be texting so late at night or into the morning. She told me friends. She got several IM up on her laptop and texting on the phone at the same time. All of a sudden where did all these girls friends come from?

.

 

I'm with surfer on this, it's all BS. Check her bills, find out who she's texting. Then break up the affair. I wouldn't hesitate for one microsecond. Stop being such a nice guy.

[carhill]

Get some IC and a good attorney. IMO, this one's done. Free your soul. Who cares if she's cheating? It's toxic regardless.

 

My sympathies.

[YellowShark]

Get some IC and a good attorney. IMO, this one's done. Free your soul. Who cares if she's cheating? It's toxic regardless.

 

My sympathies.

 

I agree. You are VERY lucky coolheadal that children are not involved. This will be so much easier to walk away from. She's off the reservation, checked out of the marriage. Nothing you did wrong. Her mess.

 

But be aware. When you drop the ball on her she'll probably try to recycle you because you've been a doormat to her so far. Mark my words. I've been down this road, it sucks, but her actions are unacceptable - at least for me.

[carhill]

Oh, I did think of one really relevant 'care' to mention. I sincerely suggest getting a full STD panel as a baseline. It's your health and your life.

[Mauschen]

Like others have said, sounds like she is cheating on you.

 

Get her phone records (you'll be able to tell who she is calling and texting so much). Is she on the computer a lot? You can put a key logger on the computer to see what she is emailing/chatting about. Most cheaters will deny cheating, so asking her about it is totally useless. You'll have to get the proof first.

 

If you live in a state that takes adultery into account during divorce, you can also have a detective follow her to prove the infidelity. Unfortunately, many states are "no fault".

[What_Next]

You know what she is doing. There is no doubt.

 

The only thing is what do you intend on doing about it? She either comes out and admits that she is cheating and comes clean or you move forward to divorce. There is no other way.

 

Do not allow her to walk all over you like this, she has lost all respect for you and this is a major issue.

[coolheadal]

Yes, if she's cheating then she's breaking the her commitment to me. I've check the PC but I've it setup to clean out the privacy stuff. I did find something odd I was going to go after here about it?

 

When she comes home shes looks so she upset. Yells never say anything nice. I know this sounds like a broken record. Why is all of this happening now. I would like to get to her cell phone and see who's she's text too. I feel bad buying here the cell phone and head piece too so you can use blue tooth.

 

Then we have two wonderful dogs I hate not to be here to see him grow-up. What a huge mess. I feel like the victim here. I know it's easy to say get out of the marriage but I have sunk so deep into it getting out is so hard to do.

 

What type of friend is allowing here to stay over so late at night every Saturday now this is happening. Goes right into Sunday. She then tells me I am lucky she comes home at all. What at statement so say to me.

 

If I am in the wrong when she comes home I give her hug but I know form prior years she's not the sort to come and say she's home. I use to do a lot with here. Which is normal for man and wife to say to each other.

 

But being so unhappy with me is odd since I am always there for here. I giver her space. Then she tells me I am always in the Office. But that how it is.

 

I am shock now I just located some data files that are stored on my server.. I wish I could do something...

[Chi townD]

Umm...yeah. Start snooping. Place a voice activate recorder in her car. comb through the computer for anything. Look at past phone bills of several calls or texts to numbers that aren't familar to you. Heck, you don't have kids so, barrow a friend car for the night and follow her. Find out where she's going and with who!

And don't feel guilty for snooping. You have every right to know what's going on in your marriage.

[coolheadal]

Umm...yeah. Start snooping. Place a voice activate recorder in her car. comb through the computer for anything. Look at past phone bills of several calls or texts to numbers that aren't familar to you. Heck, you don't have kids so, barrow a friend car for the night and follow her. Find out where she's going and with who!

And don't feel guilty for snooping. You have every right to know what's going on in your marriage.

 

I am in shock now really not myself.. What I found is shocking and backup that data to another system HD. That would explain the cookie link (monitor manager I had placed) on her system which the only odd piece of this puzzle. I can't say it what the cookie link was but it wasn't a place I would visit online.

 

She started taking pictures of herself with the cell phone I got her last year in the bathroom nasty! I am so shock in what I've found and what she's doing. I see apartment (Flat UK) flyers near her laptop. I wish I can cancel her cell phone right take away the car insurance which I can.. I am hurting real bad and tears in my eyes. I've stuck that picture on your computer as her new wallpaper nasty doing that with her cell phone to show off. Who the heck looking at that. Plus a the drinking shes doing now coming home drunk.. Who want's that.. I need to get myself together..

 

Tears rolling out of my eyes ..I don't care I have feelings and to feel like it is so hurtful. I don't know what to do now.. Kick her out of the bed - dirty women don't need that..

 

My dogs seeing I am hurt I can't even be myself right now, don't know were go right now..

Edited May 24, 2011 by coolheadal

[reboot]

Funny how the story is always the same.

 

"There's no way she's cheating!"

 

Shortly followed by

 

"OMG she's cheating!"

 

I'm sorry man. I know how bad it hurts. There's nothing quite like it. Hitch em up tight, it's time to look out for yourself now.

[robf1971]

I am in shock now really not myself.. What I found is shocking and backup that data to another system HD. That would explain the cookie link (monitor manager I had placed) on her system which the only odd piece of this puzzle. I can't say it what the cookie link was but it wasn't a place I would visit online.

 

She started taking pictures of herself with the cell phone I got her last year in the bathroom nasty! I am so shock in what I've found and what she's doing. I see apartment (Flat UK) flyers near her laptop. I wish I can cancel her cell phone right take away the car insurance which I can.. I am hurting real bad and tears in my eyes. I've stuck that picture on your computer as her new wallpaper nasty doing that with her cell phone to show off. Who the heck looking at that. Plus a the drinking shes doing now coming home drunk.. Who want's that.. I need to get myself together..

 

Tears rolling out of my eyes ..I don't care I have feelings and to feel like it is so hurtful. I don't know what to do now.. Kick her out of the bed - dirty women don't need that..

 

My dogs seeing I am hurt I can't even be myself right now, don't know were go right now..

 

If I was you I would print all the stuff out on the PC, pack her sh*t up in boxes put them in the garage. Then stick the messages or what you found to the top. I wouldn't hesitate for one tiny little millisecond to kick her to the kerb.

[Mauschen]

I'm with Rob - pack up her things and move her out. You stay in the house with the dogs.

[coolheadal]

Yesterday she didn't come home I text and called. All she said later. So I had locked her out and remove all the stuff of our CKing and. Then around 5:33a the door bell rang. Sure enough it was her. All she did was complain. How I had lock her out our of the house as I was so mad at here for what she did!

 

But I did call to cover myself to ask when you're coming home? Again no real answer. Where are you at? None of your business! So these are the stuff I have to deal with until the story comes to the end of the final chapter of this marriage. I never bother to say a word. Just gone back up to bed.

 

After 15 minutes she came up into bed and complain about why all her bed stuff was on the floor. My she can't get a hint. I just said I was making the bed, (yes she doesn't do that either) lazy girl, good think I know how to make up the bed. 4 hours later she got up and gone to work. So her way of saying take it or leave it.

 

She can't get apartment on her own with her credit is terrible. But this stuff that she done still a shocker. I guess if her dad (the player) and her bother (player juniors) do it why can't she do it. So now I see how they're game is going. My older car her dad wants to give me $1,500 for it. I won't sell it to him for anything he offers he's not going to get it. Waste of space!

 

She makes me so sick and I am the type of guy won't not really into all this stuff. I like to know where are all the good girls are, frankly too much of this type of girl out there. It's a real shame I have to go through this now.

Edited May 25, 2011 by coolheadal

[coolheadal]

She came this evening around 6:30pm. I was working on the car. She won't say one word to me. I acted like nothing was wrong to see what's she's doing.

 

Sure enough back the laptop with several IM from Yahoo going text and typing on the PC at the same time. About 15 mins she changed her clothes and gone out the door. Kept on saying you better not lock me out of the house again. I didn't even say anything about that part to me is was silly to bring up. I had asked when do you think you'll be home tonight she couldn't say. This time she was dressed down.

 

This is like a odd story. I try not to let her know what I know but I told her I was clearing your system and found some add stuff. But she told me he it's my life I'll do what I want. It doesn't concern you anymore I told you what I wanted. Go on your trip and stay down there. Last month it was a different story she would talk to me and etc.

 

But now just anger all the time coming out of her mouth. Like I never knew her or this person is a stranger to me. Wow things change fast with this stuff. Again she comes home eats leave the trash all over the house and won't use the trash can to throw it away. I see she now carries a duffel tote bag with her now. I never notice that before. Change of clothes in there and brings home the dirty ones for me to clean. Go figure otherwise the house will get messy again.

 

She's going to run herself down the drain at this rate, and I shouldn't care, but I do. If you got in trouble with the law, I would say let her stay in jail as long as you can this way I know she won't be doing anything bad that would hurt me anymore than she's doing now to my heart.

Edited May 26, 2011 by coolheadal

[coolheadal]

A round 10pm she comes home, tells me she hand gone to the gym. Very mysterious about the the whole process. Maybe she's feeling any remorse how she's been with me. After coming back she was a bit nicer. She was able to communicate with softer tones in her voice. Around 12:30a I had decided to turn in for the night.

 

She said what are doing. I am going to bed? Why? I am tired. Looks like she had the TV and before you know she had gone to bed with me in the same bed. But I kept to one side. She seems to role to the center closer to me. But I never make contact.

 

It's 3:15a, I just got up after hearing our two dogs barking. I still can't find her cell phone. I did look through her $400 dollar large leather tote carrying bad that she endures so much more over my $279 dollar large fabric signature hand bag from the same company I gave her for Christmas.

 

That cell phone has to be somewhere. I was told to look at the records online to see what number she's text to the most on the phone. I can't get that info though I am the one who takes care of that phone and she's all paid up still July 2011.

 

Story continues...