Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) background: met this chick on POF about a week ago, she msged me, and after a few emails back and forth we exchanged msn contacts. then after a few nice convo's on msn, lots of flirting, good discussion, trading more pics, we exchanged phone numbers. a side issue here is i'm recovering from jaw surgery and we cannot meet for a couple of weeks. i did have a pretty nice phone convo one morning last week with her (i was to give her a wake up call) but we have continued talking via text (i think b/c she knows it's my mouth still recovering and talking is a little bothersome for me right now). anyway, so last week we literally talked everyday multiple times, every night as well for hours online, saying gnight to eachother every night very late before we passed out. some of the things she has said include 'i feel like i'm 16 ', 'i need to chill' (b/c we were saying how crazy we are and we haven't even met yet), etc etc. there was a LOT of attaction last week, she clearly finds my humour quite funny as well, and we just hit it off really well. up to thurs night anyway. thurs night ended with 'k i'll check up on u tmrw and make sure ur staying out of trouble'. so fri comes...i text her 'what a beauty of a day!' cuz it was a really nice day out for a change (been raining a lot here). didn't get anything back all day. nothing saturday either. i think it's a little rude, but whatever i'll suck it up take the high road, text her this morning asking her how her weekend's going (long weekend here too) with some humour mixed in. she responds when she gets up hours later telling me a few things about it saying how much fun it's been, and asked how mine was. i respond half hour later telling her about mine, and then ask what she's up to today? she doesn't respond. 6 hrs later, bout an hour ago...i just send another text "hmm i see...". the thing is, i saw her MULTIPLE times on plenty of fish this afternoon lol. so why the heck can't she msg me back?? am i overblowing this? i think it's a little rude. the first time i let it go, on friday, and we didn't even talk till this morning and i gave in and 'double texted'. she has initiated lots last week btw, every day at least once or twice. why so cold all of the sudden. i get ppl are busy but like i said she was on plenty of fish at multiple times this afternoon. do i punish her when she responds finally and freeze her for a day or so?? EDIT: as i typed this she msged me "what happen babe? sorry been busy all day today what r u doin tonight?" i want to call her out like...uhh busy on plenty of fish?? sounds busy alright. i guess i'm very anal when ppl leave me hanging, and am totally cool with being this way cuz imo it IS rude, i never leave ppl hanging. am i over exagerating this, or should i freeze her out a lil and show her that's unacceptable with me? also why do you think she spent her afternoon on POF instead of texting me back/talking with me lol. isn't that a bad sign? Edited May 23, 2011 by Jono85
D-Lish Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 She's phasing you out and just doesn't know how to come right out and tell you. I don't think there is much you can do in this situation., except to move forward and contact others.
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 She's phasing you out and just doesn't know how to come right out and tell you. I don't think there is much you can do in this situation., except to move forward and contact others. not saying i disagree, but even when she was all giddy just last week, and flirting with me very hard even as late as 3 nights ago (thurs night) saying she can't wait till we can chill etc? seems like pretty strange behaviour. to be so giddy that she's telling me SHE needs to calm down and then kind of cold the last 3 days. well i guess i shouldn't respond to her latest text then? (in my edit in OP). just leave her hanging this time?
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Your texts didn't really call for a response... admittedly the friday text didn't, you're right. but in my mind, i kind of texted her during the day showing i was thinking about her or whatever, so was a little surprised to not see her respond at all, and me have to text her again this morning. my 2nd text, how did it not call for a response? i told her how my weekend went (she asked me after telling me about hers) and then even asked what her plans were today. so she didn't respond to that, nor did she comment on my weekend (isn't that the polite thing to do even if i didn't ask her what she was doing today?).
heartshaped Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Back off a bit, become a little less available, and let her initiate contact. If she's interested in you, she will. If not, you won't hear from her. Her still being on POF is not really a good or bad sign. The two of you haven't met up yet so obviously she's keeping her options open which isn't good or bad. I suggest you do the same. I think the reason she didn't reply is because she was just busy or didn't feel like responding for whatever reason, I don't think she's freezing you out, but time will tell.
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Back off a bit, become a little less available, and let her initiate contact. If she's interested in you, she will. If not, you won't hear from her. Her still being on POF is not really a good or bad sign. The two of you haven't met up yet so obviously she's keeping her options open which isn't good or bad. I suggest you do the same. I think the reason she didn't reply is because she was just busy or didn't feel like responding for whatever reason, I don't think she's freezing you out, but time will tell. thanks for the response. one thing though, unfortunately she knows i'm pretty available right now b/c i'm still recovering. haven't really gotten back into the social scene yet. secondly, assuming you read what she just wrote me tonight in my OP edit, you say back off so should i just not respond to that, and do the same thing she did to me?? if so, then what tmrw if she doesn't double text me and keeps waiting. would love to hear some advice as to what i should do after her recent text. how i should play it. for the record i have NO issues with her still being on POF at all. we're nothing, haven't even met! but was more disturbed about that b/c it just shows that she wasn't in fact busy like she's saying, she just simply didn't want to respond for whatever reason. she's also told me she's one of those ppl who always has their cell on them 24/7. just not sure if todays events should be a concern, and how i should handle it.
heartshaped Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I don't think you should be too concerned. She apologized and said she was 'busy' even if she really wasn't the only thing that matters is she offered an apology, an excuse, and referred to you affectionately. So to me, she definitely isn't doing the freeze on you, but I really can't find out why she didn't respond. Perhaps she got preoccupied online or simply got caught up in something else? It doesn't sound like she was trying to be coy either so I'm not really sure of her reason for lack of response. If I were you, I'd respond to her message, not too soon after she sent it though maybe a half hour or so, keep things light, ask her about her day, and just talk to her as you normally would. I know it bugged you she didn't respond, things like that bug me as well, but the thing is text messaging is a lot more impersonal than phone calls. There really aren't such clear etiquette rules as to if a person should respond or not and in the future if you text her and she doesn't respond, don't initiate second contact just wait for her to respond to you. If she doesn't, again her loss. I think this has potential though if you are able to meet up with her soon. She sounds like the type that would lose interest quickly without face time.
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 I don't think you should be too concerned. She apologized and said she was 'busy' even if she really wasn't the only thing that matters is she offered an apology, an excuse, and referred to you affectionately. So to me, she definitely isn't doing the freeze on you, but I really can't find out why she didn't respond. Perhaps she got preoccupied online or simply got caught up in something else? It doesn't sound like she was trying to be coy either so I'm not really sure of her reason for lack of response. If I were you, I'd respond to her message, not too soon after she sent it though maybe a half hour or so, keep things light, ask her about her day, and just talk to her as you normally would. I know it bugged you she didn't respond, things like that bug me as well, but the thing is text messaging is a lot more impersonal than phone calls. There really aren't such clear etiquette rules as to if a person should respond or not and in the future if you text her and she doesn't respond, don't initiate second contact just wait for her to respond to you. If she doesn't, again her loss. I think this has potential though if you are able to meet up with her soon. She sounds like the type that would lose interest quickly without face time. again, thanks very much for the response, it's really appreciated. it's been a little over an hour since she texted me that. i think the advice you gave me is pretty solid. i'm struggling however with being so nice as to act like nothing happened, i think i have problems getting over things like this so quickly. so i don't feel motivated to ask her about her day, when she didn't even comment about my weekend reply after she asked me, ya know? (you'd think if a girl was into you she'd at least pretend to care what you did lol). and you mentioned she responded to me affectionately; i'm not really sure to be honest b/c she might just call all of her 'prospects' babe, or even just all of her guy friends, who knows. i know she only started calling me that after a few days and many exchanges, but still. also the last part you said, it's a bit of a conundrum. the sooner i meet up with her, the more my face will still be puffy/stiff and i cannot talk as clear as i normally could (probs at 70%, so not terrible). so not sure if i should see her soon while i'm not at the top of my game or risk her losing interest and wait till i am. she's assured me she's fine with everything, and seemed overly understanding with my situation but obv showed signs she couldn't wait as well. and well now after this weekend, how she went so cold, i guess her interest may be slipping a bit, not sure. k well i'll think it over a bit more, probs text her a little later on tonight.
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 i should also say, that a part of me just wants to leave it hanging completely. not later tonight, not tmrw. my reasoning is i'm not 100% sure she hasn't lost interest and is just responding b/c she doesn't want to be completely rude and just drop off the map all together. like the first girl replied "she's phasing you out". so if i just don't respond, it would force her to double text me eventually if she IS still into me. i would think a girl who is, would do that, given my last text ('hmm i see..') kind of showed my disappointment that she'd ignored me. so if she did have genuine interest it would be foolish for her not to text me again and ask whats going on and how come i haven't texted her back. or maybe that's a terrible idea?
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 k well i decided to respond..."u left me hanging, so i guess nothing happened lol...its cool tho u were busy no worries" this way she doesn't need to text me back too.
heartshaped Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 All in all, I think you responded well. I'm on the fence about whether you should wait in meeting her or not. I think she's the type will lose interest quickly without actually dates and such. Usually when a woman asks what are you doing that afternoon she is trying to fish around for maybe an invitation out. Maybe you just meet her for a coffee date or something simple and keep things short? Just enough to gauge her interest level and yours as well.
Art_Critic Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 One thing is for sure... she is slowing you wayyyy down... You want to call her out ???.. for what ??? for pulling back ?? She has other irons in the fire, so you are not the only guy she is splitting her free time with She is either phasing you out like D-lish says or she is moving another guy forward that she likes and is giving you a back seat ride for a bit...
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 All in all, I think you responded well. I'm on the fence about whether you should wait in meeting her or not. I think she's the type will lose interest quickly without actually dates and such. Usually when a woman asks what are you doing that afternoon she is trying to fish around for maybe an invitation out. Maybe you just meet her for a coffee date or something simple and keep things short? Just enough to gauge her interest level and yours as well. well we'll see how things go this week, b/c she didn't text me back . maybe i came off as being a baby in my last text instead of just playing it totally cool and not pointing out that she left me hanging? i don't really know anymore. and to be honest i'm a little bit frustrated and refuse to chase this girl around and play her games. i guess they may NOT be games. but literally she was blowing so hot the whole week, and even thurs night. somehow randomly friday comes and a switch gets shut off completely? ok she may have been clicking with someone else off POF...but at the same time she's still browsing frequently on POF so she's obviously not totally satisfied if this other guy exists. but she's starting to really turn me off of her. i won't be reaching out to her again, and if/when she reaches out to me, i'm not even sure how interested i'll be. i'm not saying what she's doing is wrong morally or anything, but if she's willing to just give up on like 20 hrs of chatting, flirting, sharing stories/personal experiences, laughing, all in our first week, and we were obv both amazed at how crazy it was that we just met (online) days prior, then so be it, toss it away woman! it's just so weird how she was the one who was having to calm herself down, tell herself to chill, etc etc and now she goes ice cold on me over the weekend. meh.
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 One thing is for sure... she is slowing you wayyyy down... You want to call her out ???.. for what ??? for pulling back ?? She has other irons in the fire, so you are not the only guy she is splitting her free time with She is either phasing you out like D-lish says or she is moving another guy forward that she likes and is giving you a back seat ride for a bit... well unfortunately there's 2 cars driving here and she might have just completely lost her seat in my ride! lol she's going to have to earn her way back into the car, that's for sure.
Sacred-Self Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Dawg the way you reacting to this means you have become to attached to her way too early, as I like to say you have ****ed yourself. Pull back and talk to other girls and get rid of this entitlement bull****, getting angry if she doesn't message you, you sound like she owes you something after a week, no one owes you anything. You should never get angry over little things like that. Good luck my brotha,
dontinababy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 [email protected] Hello Dear, My name is Tina i saw you profile today and became intrested in you and i want you to contact me back through my private email([email protected]) here so that i can give you my photo for you to know whom i am,and remember that distance or colour doesn't matter anything but love matters allot in life,am waiting for your reply. OK Tina
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Dawg the way you reacting to this means you have become to attached to her way too early, as I like to say you have ****ed yourself. Pull back and talk to other girls and get rid of this entitlement bull****, getting angry if she doesn't message you, you sound like she owes you something after a week, no one owes you anything. You should never get angry over little things like that. Good luck my brotha, ur right man. and i know, it's just tough right now given my situation b/c i'm at home all day while recovering and i'm going f-ing crazy cuz haven't really gotten back into the social scene. so aren't really other girl options going at the time. there are 2 other girls that are into me and could be options but i don't seem to care about them really and there's also more to it. i haven't been really needy before this weekend, but did the 2nd text tonight kind of kill myself. like obv she doesn't know all the **** i'm thinking and relaying in this thread...so i'm curious if i my last text was a killer. if it is, it is...but obv want to learn for next time. either way i'll play it cool from now...let her initiate if she wants to talk.
Author Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) she just texted me "Hi". i think it's time to punish her; feel like she disrespected me a bit this weekend. she won't be hearing from me till at least tmrw, maybe later.. is this whole thing, me catching some feelings from this, lame? most likely lol. oh well. Edited May 23, 2011 by Jono85
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